Parenting 'Tweens (9-12) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of tweens (9 to 11 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
Just hoping for some advice tonight, maybe from someone who has experienced something similar. I have so much going on with my son these days that I'm totally exhausted and so worried about everything. :(
My 12 yr old son has ADHD/LD, and has struggled a lot in school the past couple of years. Two weeks ago, I had him transferred to a new school that offers an extensive LD program, which will help him catch up so he won't struggle so much as the years get more intense.
He's been completely miserable since I've transferred him. I know it must be very difficult.. a new school, a new system, he knows nobody, etc, and I have been very empathetic to that, and I know it takes some time. But he's turned from lovable kid with tons of friends to someone very withdrawn in just a couple of short weeks. He's told me stories about how he talked to a few people here and there at school but hasn't met anyone new to hang out with, yet I've caught him with conflicting stories over the past few days, only to finally discover today that he is spending lunch entirely by himself with not even one person to talk to. My son is also very shy, so he would never go up to someone and start a conversation. I just wish there was something I could do about that.
I've also made a point of making sure he keeps contact with all his old friends from his old school, and tried on a few occasions to get him to contact them for a get-together over pizza etc. But he doesn't want to even talk to them, because he's afraid if they find out what school he is going to, they'll make fun of him (because a lot of special needs children attend this school).
I just don't know what to do. It breaks my heart that he's so sad all the time. I wonder if I should just give it some time and let him work through what he needs to work through (because I'm trying not to come to his rescue all the time, and give him some more independence)... but the other side of me is saying I should talk to the principal and see what we can do to help him at least make a friend or two. I know he'd be happier and feel less alone if he had someone in there to talk to.
What do you think? All I can do is cry, and I wonder if I've even made the right decision changing schools. I'm trying to do the right thing for him down the road, but the fact that I've made his life so miserable now is tearing my heart apart. :(
My 12 yr old son has ADHD/LD, and has struggled a lot in school the past couple of years. Two weeks ago, I had him transferred to a new school that offers an extensive LD program, which will help him catch up so he won't struggle so much as the years get more intense.
He's been completely miserable since I've transferred him. I know it must be very difficult.. a new school, a new system, he knows nobody, etc, and I have been very empathetic to that, and I know it takes some time. But he's turned from lovable kid with tons of friends to someone very withdrawn in just a couple of short weeks. He's told me stories about how he talked to a few people here and there at school but hasn't met anyone new to hang out with, yet I've caught him with conflicting stories over the past few days, only to finally discover today that he is spending lunch entirely by himself with not even one person to talk to. My son is also very shy, so he would never go up to someone and start a conversation. I just wish there was something I could do about that.
I've also made a point of making sure he keeps contact with all his old friends from his old school, and tried on a few occasions to get him to contact them for a get-together over pizza etc. But he doesn't want to even talk to them, because he's afraid if they find out what school he is going to, they'll make fun of him (because a lot of special needs children attend this school).
I just don't know what to do. It breaks my heart that he's so sad all the time. I wonder if I should just give it some time and let him work through what he needs to work through (because I'm trying not to come to his rescue all the time, and give him some more independence)... but the other side of me is saying I should talk to the principal and see what we can do to help him at least make a friend or two. I know he'd be happier and feel less alone if he had someone in there to talk to.
What do you think? All I can do is cry, and I wonder if I've even made the right decision changing schools. I'm trying to do the right thing for him down the road, but the fact that I've made his life so miserable now is tearing my heart apart. :(
First, have you discerned if your son is either playing on your emotions or being over dramatic at all? If that's the case then I say you should keep him where he is because it sounds like he needs the education and just might be rebellious to the change.
But you have made a trade off for him. His comfort zone has been replaced with better chance at education. At the other school, was he getting bad grades? Was he in trouble? Did they have any type of "inclusion" plan for him (here in Florida they assigne people to help the kid during class time, they come into the class and read the assignments with them and keep them on track). What I'm wondering is did he really need to move? Did you just see a better opportunity or was it necessary? Maybe he's not the kid that will go on to college or run corporations, but will he be happy and enjoy friendships? There is alot in life that make it full.
The decisions are all yours. If you find that he's sincere and the move isn't a good one for him, then you can tell him quite honestly that you made a mistake, you tried a new situation and it wasn't the best choice.
If you want him to pust through then you need to be his support, temporarily replace his friends, he needs someone. If not them, then you. When he takes off with new relationships, then back off again. And keep explaining to him about how this all plays into the future. Help him make a goal chart for the future 5, 10 years from now where does he want to be? Have him think it through and show him how these choices lead to more opportunity in the future, are an essential step to the goals. They can understand so much at this age. They are just SO ramped up on hormones, so every little thing seems like its the end of the world. I see kids announcing that their pencil needs sharpening with such dramatacism that you'd think I should call 911!
Hope you get some peace with your decision. All the best!
This move was absolutely necessary. His recent psycho-educational testing showed not only that he has a pretty significant LD, but he has also remained at a Grade 3/4 Level since Grade 4, despite IEP's and smaller classroom settings etc. (He is now in Grade 7.) He was always lost in the classroom due to his inability to grasp reading comprehension or retain information, which affects every aspect of his education. This new school offers more intensive support, with the things in place that you mention, like ed. assistants in every classroom to help the kids, as well as many options for hands-on learning, rather than traditional methods, where he struggles. Educationally speaking, I know it will be a great thing for him.
You are also right in saying that kids are very dramatic at this age.. which I why I felt I had to post this in this forum. I hope he will see why I had to do this for him as time goes on. I worry about him.. I just want him to be happy and be able to enjoy friendships and all the joys that life has to offer, regardless of what he chooses to do down the road, but you're right, that is what we all do as moms.
Thank you for your reassurance. Appreciate it so much. :)
this may be a bit off subject but i just had to reply to you about your sons LD/ADHD . my son is 10 and we have takin him in a at his teachers request adhd/ld for a pedi exam the our pedi, wanted to to some tests before we put him on medicine, the first was a blood test ... all was normal second was a long clinical phyc...his finding we that my son had severe learning disabilities and was borderline mentally retarded ( this is a well known and respected doctor).... of course i was very upset they would say these things about my child, so we pushed on even further to a eye exam with a specialist not just a regular eye doc! this is where there was break threw the eye doctor said my son has something called convergence insufficiency its a eye condition in witch my son see just fine and tests 20/20 on a normal eye exam but his eyes have prob getting info to the brain basicly, my son is a very smart lil dude and is in 4th grade but reads at a 1st grade level this effects every part of him as a person and in his school work the eye specialist told me 80% of children diag. with ADHD or LD have convergence insufficiency , he also told me my son could never score high on any test with haveing this and would always test as having lower intellagence until it gets fixed. my son is now in eye therapy and scoreing 10 of 10 on his spelling tests and doing regular class work. I dont know if this would help your son or not but it never hurts to try. if you do look into it make sure you find a eye doc that specilizes in convergence insufficiency or it will do you no good. please keep me posted !