Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of toddlers (1 to 3 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
My little girl hates people. She is almost three and for the last six months we have really been stressing positive interactions with other kids. Teaching her how to introduce herself, how to ask the other childs name, how to see if they would like to play tag or such.
Now, that being said, kids are so MEAN! My daughter looks like any other little girl, dresses the same as well, but most of her friendship advances have come to a horrible end. One little girl told her her Minnie Mouse shirt made her look fat! And now I can't get her to wear it and it was her favorite shirt! She's been told she stinks, shes ugly, she's not cool enough to play, and one kid called her a b*tch! Him I caught and took to his mom!
It's getting to the point where she panics if she has to play with other kids, and she is starting to call herself names. We constantly tell her that she's beautiful, smart, pretty etc etc but is there anything else we can do?
Now, that being said, kids are so MEAN! My daughter looks like any other little girl, dresses the same as well, but most of her friendship advances have come to a horrible end. One little girl told her her Minnie Mouse shirt made her look fat! And now I can't get her to wear it and it was her favorite shirt! She's been told she stinks, shes ugly, she's not cool enough to play, and one kid called her a b*tch! Him I caught and took to his mom!
It's getting to the point where she panics if she has to play with other kids, and she is starting to call herself names. We constantly tell her that she's beautiful, smart, pretty etc etc but is there anything else we can do?
Unfortunately I too see kids like the ones you mentioned at playgrounds and free events. Ones where it costs a little to get in will usually have parents who monitor their kids a bit more and who actually care about teaching their kids manners.
My daughter has also been shown to use her words and ask if she can use a toy, take turns, etc. and it's very frustrating to see her efforts are not encouraged by others who don't share and who's parents have not encouraged to play fair.
Keep on teaching your daughter her manners and keep on building her self esteem by her accomplishments not just by her appearance.
Like I said however you'll see that in controlled settings, preschools, or paid programs at your local community center will provide for a healthier environment with parents and teachers who encourage as you have.
Good luck!
Unfotunatley preschool or play school isn't an option for us. I run a private day home, so she does interact with other kids daily, and those ones she's fine with. It took a month or so of them being there five days a week, but now she plays just fine with those kids. And we have rules about how people are treated.
We praise her alot. She is in tap dance and ballet and we are constantly telling her how proud we are of her for doing it. The recital was a disastor lol too many strangers, but she does well in class. By 2.5 she could do a 48 peice puzzle by herself within half hour, and we have always encouraged that....getting her new puzzles when we can and making a deal of her finishing one.
I find though that the places were she needs the most encouragmet are physical. Kids tend to rag on her appearance most. The other day she was in front of her mirrors (she has some squares from Ikea stuck in patterns at her height) and I walked in to hear her tell herself she was fat and ugly! So telling her she is beautiful and perfect is something I do several times a day.
I worry about whats going to happen when she hits school age and has run ins with bullies.
My advice though would be do what you can within the limits of your control... meaning you can't control who comes to the park, but you can control which park you take your daughter to. If you are seeing these kids usually come to a certain play area, avoid it... In my opinion it's not worth it to allow your daughter to be exposed to these nasty kids. I know this advice is limited however think about it this way - yes she's going to experience nasty kids in school, on the play ground and through all walks of life however in this is a very very very delicate time in her life and the earlier their exposed to the nasty the harder it will be to undo or erase it from the damage it's done to her self esteem. Basically what I'm saying is you can't control her from not experiencing this in elementary, high school etc. but considering she's attached to you all day everyday (you watch her at home, she doesn't attend outside daycare or preschool) you are able to control that a little bit now.
It is a short term solution, and I really don't know how you're going to overcome it other then shower her with kisses and do everything in your power to up her self esteem but ensure that the damage is not continuing NOW.
I know I try and put myself in your shoes and I would be thinking of everything under the sun to ensure these kids don't hurt my daughter with their words or actions anymore. Find a new park that's in a nicer neighborhood, when you do encounter nice kids ask their parents if they'll be interested in a play date etc.
I just think her getting her self esteem rung out right now is more important of a fix then worrying about her being social. Even if it means her not interacting with kids until you're able to ensure a healthy, safe environment for her at all times (only let her play with kids during daycare) may seem drastic but I really do fear for the long term damage she'll be facing if there's not a stop put towards this.
Again, I'm sorry for my limited advice and I hope you're able to find ways to make her feel good about her and her appearance. Self esteem issues are going to mold her into the person she's going to be for the remainder of her life, and unfortunately those bullies' words are going to ring louder then yours at times, that's why you have to ensure you find new activities that make her proud and try and instill that pride within herself over and over again.
Good luck :) ((hugs))
I live in a small city, there are no nice parks that are not accessible to everyone. So the mean kids are everywhere :(. The kid who called her a b*tch was at our one and only McDonalds play place. The only play place in our city and she loves it. Thankfully that hasn't happened again and I havent seen that mom (Who screamed at me in the lobby for telling her how to raise her child when I suggested that word was innapropriate!)
We have started to teach her that some kids are sad inside, and to get it out they are mean. And it's not okay, but she doesn't have to listen to it. She just has to walk away, and come tell me or her dad. We were at the park the other day and some little kid pushed her, and she hugged him lol. She hates physical contact with anyone she doesn't know so that shocked me, but she said later that hugs help take the sad out.
We try so hard to push up her self esteem. Our city is full of farmers and riggers, families with too much money and not enough time to spend with kids, so alot of kids are shaping themselves based off of what they are exposed to daily....TV, video games and drunks(sooooo many drunks around).
I mean, it's not a bad place to live, quiet, low crime, friendly for the most part. It's just all these mean kids! Gah.