This is a tough one for sure! I was a nanny for several years for several different families prior to becoming a mommy and the one thing I always said was that I was not going to cater to a picky child. Thankfully, I have stuck to my guns and my daughter will eat most anything! The kids I nannied for were so rediculously picky, it was so disturbing and the parents allowed it which was so frustrating. It sounds like your daughter will eat most things as well and in my opinion what you need to do is talk to his mom, get her on board with a meal plan. She needs to start introducing new foods to him other than peanut butter sandwiches. You guys could sit down and develop a menu of foods that she will also be trying with him for dinner and on weekends to get him used to new things and for him to realize he cant have the same 3 things everyday. It will take time, but it will get better.

Another thing I always did with the kids I nannied was to make them a part of the meal prep. When I made mac and cheese, I would give them a handful of pasta and have them make an art project while i was cooking and then let them stir the cheese in. Or with sandwhiches I would use cookie cutters of their favorite animals etc and cut the sandwich out in that shape. There are a lot more ideas like these online im sure!

Another thing I have noticed is that kids prefer to eat better and eat what they are served if they see you sitting down with them eating the same foods. My daughter will scream at me if im not sitting down with her at mealtime. Also, if I serve her lunch and then eat my lunch after her she wants bites of what i am eating. I have introduced a lot of new foods to her by "tricking" her because she wants what mommy has.

Another trick would be to add undesirable foods to the foods he already will eat. I make my daughter fruit smoothies several times a week and I use frozen fruit (berries usually), yogurt and OJ, I also add in some frozen peas and carrots in the blender with it and she NEVER knows the difference, it still tastes like a berry smoothie, nice and sweet. There are all kind of recipes for vegetable cupcakes and muffins. Ive made them for my daughter and they are delicious.

There is no quick fix undortunately but with time and everyone on board I am sure he will come around.

Good luck, hope i offered some new ideas!

His mom is struggling financially right now, thus the reason I watch him for so long so many days for free, so she can work. So basically all she ever has in her cupboards is peanut butter and instant foods. We are lucky enough to be able to afford fresh food and healthier alternatives. But we also introduce our daughters to a wider variety of foods. She has a turkish uncle, so she eats turkish food. She loves thai food...the spicier the better, but I don't like the diapers after that so she gets the tame stuff...she's eaten phillipine food. Chinese food, both the western stuff and the actual chicken foot variety.

I could try to get him to help make the meal. He's a little behind in development...in speech and in coordination, but I imagine he should be able to manage stirring.

I cut the cheese sandwiches into shapes and he still threw them on the floor. Oh yea, I didn't mention that did I? If he really doesn't like it, he will throw him bowl or plate on the floor. Mac n cheese, soup and crackers. I've stopped mopping my floor, minus spot mops, because it's not worth it.

I refuse to make peanut butter sandwiches because I feel like if I cave in, my daughter loves peanut butter sandwiches too and is just starting to eat meat, so we used to have them twice a week for protien, then he will just start his protest anew.

I eat with them. If I don't, he will snatch my daughter's plate and chuck it too. And she gets MAAAAAD when you get between her and her 'noonles' or her and her 'boccoli' lol.

I could try smoothies. I never thought of that. My daughter actually hated fruit for awhile so I would make veggie smoothies with V8 and such. But now she would drink it too. But then again...maybe not.

It's so upsetting. And his mom gets upset with me because I refuse to cater my menu to him. In October I have two more kids starting at my day home, and I'm hoping to have broken this habit by now.

Also, would you offer an afternoon snack if he didn't eat lunch? With my own daughter, no lunch means no snack. She won't starve to death. But should I offer him one? All he eats is dry cheerios or bananas for snacks. Or junk. Chocolate, chips, sugar. I don't offer that as a snack usually...and he won't eat the yogurt, or strawberries, or apple slices, or cheese and crackers.

My kids were big sandwich kids... still are (a sandwich being far less messy then a bowl of cereal) but our thing was to not give the exact same thing every meal. If my girls didn't eat what was given we would put it away. Then when they started complaining they were hungry we'd bring out the unfinished meal for them. Sometimes we'd introduce the same thing every meal that day because they wouldn't eat it at the beginning. In the end my kids now know that if they don't eat what is given it won't just go away.

My daughter is super picky in that if its got meat in it she won't touch it. But last night she totally chowed grandma's meat loaf and that was because it looked like a cupcake. Sometimes its the presentation... sometimes its not.

My girls both like to chow whatever Mommies chowing. Perhaps not giving your nephew his own plate for awhile might help. Then you are fixing food for you and your daughter who will eat off a plate and then giving your nephew bits from your own plate. That way if he doesn't eat it then you aren't wasting the food.

Also, we do have a 1 bite policy. I usually try to have 2-3 different food items each meal. And usually (but not always) I'll have at least 1 sure fire thing that I know they love to eat. I don't want to force my kids to eat something they absolutely hate but the rule is they've got to give it a try at least once. So I do make them take 1 bite. If they like it they get more. If they don't like it I don't force them... this makes them much more open to trying new things. I then reindroduce the food they didn't like another week or 2 down the road as if its new. This has worked wonders for me. What they don't like one week is sometimes their favorite the next.

Hopefully you find something that works for you soon. I know it can be frustrating but if he gets hungry enough he'll eventually cave in. Biggest issue is that I bet his mom gives him a sandwich as soon as they get home. If you could get her on board with other cheap meals like Mac N Cheese, Hamburger helper, Bagel pizzas(plain bagel, tomato sauce, cheese- and maybe a topping if they really want one) or a casserole or something else, then maybe her son might not be so picky with what you are feeding him.Great thing is with some of those meals, like a casserole, if you don't eat all of it in one meal (and my family never does) then you can have it for leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day. Its financially very frugal. If you sister is making nothing but instant stuff then she might need lessons in how to cook on a dime. I've made many cheap meals that last a few days. Compare that to eating off the dollar menu I've actually saved cash that way. Sure, sometimes it suxs to eat 2-3 meals in a row that are the same but the savings is really worth it.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I hear two seperate issues here.
A) A picky eater and an unsupportive/overwhelmed mother
B) Developmental delays

It's possible that the developmental delays are MORE what is overwhelming the problem here. If he's struggling to communicate then rejecting food is a good CONTROL factor for this little boy. If his mother is struggling on her own issues it's easy to see why she just doesn't have the energy to combat the problem and in the end, Peanut is HEALTHY and CHEAP so she's not really doing that badly. Here is my suggestion.

Work your way up to lunch with his involvement (the one on one time might help him). Let him try and help get the food out of the fridge, help hold the plates for prep time, talk about what your going to eat, make it light and easy and fun and if he doesn't want to do something...don't force it. Your trying to turn his perception around about the meal not make more battles. THEN, have a peanut butter sandwich made for him (grate up some carrots on it for more health snuck in) but don't JUST give him that...give him one other thing...just one...and NEGOTIATE that if he gives you ONE bite of that, THEN he can have the WHOLE sandwich (I've done this with my own son). Let him see the sandwich, and keep up on your end of the bargain. He'll feel like he has some control, and you get to SLOWLY introduce some other food items.

If it works, then within a week you should have one or two things that he'll be FAMILIAR with and regularly eat in order to get his Pb&j from you. Plus the one on one with him during prep time, and giving him CHOICES instead of ultimatums, will help him developmentally wrap his brain around the fact that lunch is fun and not stressful.

I could try the carrots in the sandwich. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he threw it...but maybe carrots may work.

I don't want to give him the sandwich because the other kids don't understand why they have to eat what is made and he doesn't. I have a three year old who comes sometimes and she told me once that it's not fair that Julian gets his favorite food but she doesn't get hers...and she's right.

He is behind, but he does speak. He does know how to say 'no' and that he doesn't like it. I have a 1 bite rule with my own daughter, but she seems to understand when I say one bite...Julian crosses his arms, sticks out his lip and refuses to look at anything but his lap.

I really wish his mom would get her head out of her tucus and help me on this. She recentley became single and isn't acting very responisbly right now...and her time goes to things other then her son. She wouldn't take the time to cook big meals. Plus, most of her food is coming from the food bank right now and our food bank is terrible...half rotten veggies and on the cusp of spoiling meat.

I think she does give him a sandwich as soon as they get home. So I think he knows if he holds out on lunch, he's going to get what he want's as soon as he get's home. I tried telling her not to do it, but she said that if her baby is hungry she can't say no. I told her not to say no, but to offer him something like yogurt instead, not the same old sandwich.

I'm starting to dread lunch time! I'm glad Marlow doesn't have this problem...but who knows, maybe this is good practice for if she develops finicky eating.

Here's what happened today at lunch:

Made mac n cheese and hot dogs. He used to looove hot dogs, like his favorite food. I let him help me fill the pots with water. Strain the noodles, and he was allowed to help me with the stirring a little though he didn't seem interested in it. Marlow was incredibly upset, but she gets a bit jealous when I spend time with other kids. So I told her she could help tomorrow but today was Julian's turn. I added in some peas to the macaroni.

Gave him maybe...two table spoons of the noodles and half a cut up hot dog. Marlow got tons more.

He immediatley went into pout mode. Arms crossed, head down, lip out, eyes glaring. This was even before he saw his bowl!

Marlow was eating away...everything in her bowl...telling Julian how good it was and that if he didn`t want to she would eat his `hock docks` lol.

I spent about 20 minutes trying to coax him to try even one bite. Just one. He spent 20 minutes trying to knock his bowl off, even when I took it in front of me. Finally I just caved and gave him a small peanut butter sandwich.

Upon delivering it to the table he was all smiles...and boy did that irk me! I know he`s too young to be smug, but it sure felt like it. When Marlow saw the sandwich she stopped eating and started crying for one too. So I made her one, at that point she had already eaten three quarters of her own food.

So there they sat, eat sandwiches, while all the lunch I had prepared was set to waste. I joined their bowls into one and if Julian is hungry after nap, that`s what I am going to offer him.

But lunch seemed like a win in his direction. I feel like I just sold myself out lol. The kids are ruling the roost!

try not to take it personally that the lunch YOU made is ruined and that THEY are ruling the roost. I do agree that Julian may be setting a bad example for the other kids, but try not to let this get you down.

One thing I've learned wtih my own son (normally a GREAT eater but has those "toddler days") is this....he won't starve. Plain and simple, if he's hungry...he'll eat. It's one of those GREAT self-punishing acts. Like if they bang their heads on the wall out of anger, they get a sore head! If they choose to not eat out of stubbornness, they get a hungry belly. You do have obligation to feed this little boy....but you do NOT have to be ruled by him. So my suggestion is this (and clear all of this with his mother first)...

Do what you did today, letting him help, etc... and make his plate. Sit down and all of you eat like normal -- if he pouts, ignore him and go on like nothing is different. Let all the other kids finish their food, finish your food. If he pouts, ignore him. If he tries to throw his food, remove his plate but again, ignore him. He can not go play or leave the table, but you won't FORCE or COAX him to eat ither...he's just a idle audience at that point. THEN when everyone is done and has left the table allow him a SMALL half of a peanut butter sandwich. If he wants it, he can eat it, but he eats alone and doesn't get really full or satisfied. Again, no battle and if he doesn't want it then so be it and let him go for another hour and try again.

I'm thinking that by doing the above, you will avoid a BATTLE with him, but will teach him that he can't win. If he wants to be stubborn and eat a PB&J -- he'll do so, after everyone is finished, and alone. or he can CHOOSE to eat wtih everyone else. AGain, it's HIS choice, and HIS natural consequence to his action and NO BATTLE FOR YOU. You just have to set your mind ahead of time to not get frustrted. The reason I say to clear this with his mother ahead of time is that in the event he goes all day without eating, she'll need to be prepared to both feed him and BACK YOU UP! She can do whatever she wants with him at home, but she needs to support your choices in your own home - period. I'm guessing, that barring any major developmental issues, after a few days of this he'll see that "winning" his peanut butter sandwich isn't that fun when he has to eat it alone in the corner and everyone else is playing. Granted if there IS a developmental issue at play (texture problems, or learning curve, or something) then that needs to be addressed and the OTHER kids will need to learn that it's NOT an "unfair" situation but that he is special and needs special food.

So, is the issue here that you're annoyed by the food waste or that he's setting a bad example for the other kids? Or is it the overall annoyance that he is such a picky eater? Personally, I don't feel it is your place to teach him how and what to eat. He's not your child, you're not with him all the time to enforce such things. I know his mom is broke but if she can feed him a pb sandwich at home, she can send him with one to your house. Tell her since he never eats what you make she needs to send him with his own lunch. Then tell the other kids he has a different lunch because his mommy sends him with his lunch. Problem solved.

I mentioned this in the original post, but his mom is my little sister lol. So she is family, and she supports me trying to make him eat healthier when he is here, she just can't afford to do it when he is at home. She told me if anything, she would prefer he eat the food I serve and skip meals at home!

Right now the only other kid is my daughter, and the new one starting in a week or two is only 6 months old. But the 2 starting in October are 2 and 4 and I'm hoping to break it by then.

What annoys me is his utter refusal to try anything...I have never met a kid this stubborn. It could be that I'm used to Marlow, who will try absolutley anything once...and she doesn't sniff or lick first, she will take a huge bite of whatever she is trying. So maybe his tactics seem more severe because I'm so unused to it.

The food wasting does bother me because I have no income now for a month-2 months...so every meal of his that can't be reheated is food I'm taking out of my daughter's mouth. We aren't in dire straights, but by being frugal I'm trying to keep it that way.

I am going to keep trying some of the good ideas that I got here though :) Persistance persistance persistance. I'm not a stubborn person, but I think I'm going to have to out stubborn his stubborn until he decides that eating what I make isn't as bad as he thinks!