Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group
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I watch my nephew alot, he is 3 months older then my daughter and quite a large boy for 18 months. He's about a foot taller and has about 5lbs on her if not more. He's also a bully and a half.
He likes to take toys, hit, kick, bite, head bunt(he once split her lip open), chug his sippy then slap until he takes every other kids and drinks it. He often will take a toy, like say the push popper, and ram it into other kids until they move away crying, and there is usually plenty of room for him to go around. I've tried firm reprimands, distraction, teaching gentle, even time outs.
Now, my question is this. Recentley my daughter has started fighting back. If he slaps her and snatches her toy she will pop him back and take it back. Also, if he kicks her she will kick him. She only does it after he has done it first and she doesn't do it to anyother kid. One time she made him cry and she sat down beside him and hugged and kissed him until he stopped! I don't think she is a fighter at heart.
I tell her that that's enough when I catch her, I take her hands away from him, I tell her 'gentle'. And ten seconds later Julian is slapping her in the face.
Is it okay to just let her rebuke? I feel so hypocritical telling her to be nice when he beats the snot outta her. And she's so confused as to why she has to be gentle and share while Julian can hurt her and then after his timeout just come back and do it again.
I worry if I let her do it then she will think it's okay to be a bully, but I'm worried if I don't let her do it that she will learn not to stand up for herself and be bullied!
He likes to take toys, hit, kick, bite, head bunt(he once split her lip open), chug his sippy then slap until he takes every other kids and drinks it. He often will take a toy, like say the push popper, and ram it into other kids until they move away crying, and there is usually plenty of room for him to go around. I've tried firm reprimands, distraction, teaching gentle, even time outs.
Now, my question is this. Recentley my daughter has started fighting back. If he slaps her and snatches her toy she will pop him back and take it back. Also, if he kicks her she will kick him. She only does it after he has done it first and she doesn't do it to anyother kid. One time she made him cry and she sat down beside him and hugged and kissed him until he stopped! I don't think she is a fighter at heart.
I tell her that that's enough when I catch her, I take her hands away from him, I tell her 'gentle'. And ten seconds later Julian is slapping her in the face.
Is it okay to just let her rebuke? I feel so hypocritical telling her to be nice when he beats the snot outta her. And she's so confused as to why she has to be gentle and share while Julian can hurt her and then after his timeout just come back and do it again.
I worry if I let her do it then she will think it's okay to be a bully, but I'm worried if I don't let her do it that she will learn not to stand up for herself and be bullied!
My daughter is very laid back and Ive seen kids push her or take stuff and she doesn't do anything and I dont like it BUT your nephew seems extreme.
We were just at my BIL's and my niece poked our daughter in the face and my hubby was like...I dont like this..
If you have to keep watching him -- maybe he should lose his privilege of playing with the other kids when he is bad.
So I don't even know if he can control the way he relates to other kids.
That juice thing, THAT'S MY SON. He is like a little addict!!! He'll chug his juice in like 30 seconds and then go over and steal his sister's juice and if she tries to fight back, he hits her or bites her. He gets pretty serious about juice!!
I don't let either of them hit. If my son hits her, I FIRST comfort her and then I punish him. Generally a long, deep-voiced "NOOOOOOOO" will do the trick. It has always been the only way to get him to listen. He always cries when I say it, but it makes him stop hitting, and he'll appologize afterwards. I've tried everything. Seriously, you name it and I've tried it.
I don't want my son to be a bully, or my daughter to let people bully her. But I'm also not going to allow my daughter to hit him either. When she fights back, she gets in trouble too. It didn't take her long to figure out that if she just tells on him, she won't be in trouble...only he will.
A typical day at our house is my kids getting a juice box in the morning and my son drinking his and then screaming "NO SANNA! NO! PARPER'S JUICE!" And then she cries and he takes the juice. I'll say "HEY, GIVE THAT BACK TO HER." And he says "NO WAY MOMMY! NO WAY!"
So then I go in, take the juice from him and give it back to her. I tell him "NO. We do NOT act like that. You drank your juice already. That's your sister's juice. NO TOUCH!"
Then he'll tell me I'm a "BAD MOMMY!" and smack me in the arm, and I'll tell him "Nooooooooo".
Then he cries and I pick him up and tell him that it's not nice to be mean to mommy. Then he'll say "sowwy mommy". I'll tell him that if he wants more juice that he should ask for more juice, not take his sister's juice. Then he says "okay mommy. sowwy mommy."
We replay this pretty much every morning, but after we do, he'll ask for more juice for the rest of the day instead of stealing hers. Constant reminders eventually become habit.
Atleast I hope.
In the end, if you don't let your nephew hit your daughter, it's not okay to let her hit him, even if it's in retalliation. No hitting is no hitting. Period. Sadly, at their age it's normal to hit. They have feelings and emotions that they have never had before and need to be taught how to deal with them in a more appropriate way. That's why I tell my son what I want him to do instead of hitting. "If you want more juice, you ask for more juice."
I don't think that the interaction that two toddlers have will determine how either of them will behave when they're older. Your nephew may end up being bullied when he's older. You just don't know. He's just not able to deal with his emotions at this age. It's not that he's trying to be bad. He doesn't know any other way. And that's typical. Just be consistant. Punish bad behaviour and ALWAYS REMEMBER TO PRAISE AND REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOUR...even if you have to follow him around all day to catch him being good/nice. Kids will do anything for a little bit of praise. :)