Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group
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My nephew is three months older then my own daughter, he turns four in may, but in alot of ways he acts more like a two year old. Eating is one of his biggest issues.
The other night they were over for supper, and the night before that we were at their place for supper. Both nights my sister let him sit at the table from start (5pm) until bedtime (9pm). I watch him during the day and I cannot give him four hours to eat his lunch!!
Some days if the kids eat all thier lunch they get a treat after, like a few blackberries, or they share a fruit snack. Quiet/nap time begins at 1pm and we eat at 12pm.
So here's the question. How long do I give him to eat? The whole hour? What if lunch is a late starter and we don't start until 1230pm, do I extend his awake time to 130pm or do I just tell him 1pm is done time?
Today we had pasta and sauce and some salad. My nephew freaks out about sauce. He HATES sauce. Ketchup, ranch dressing, mayo, caramel sauce, anything. So I usually keep undressed pasta to the side, and I require he try one bite of what all the other kids are eating, then if he doesnt like it I'll offer him the plain ones. His salad was just lettuce, carrot and cucumber. No dressing.
I let him sit for an hour and a half and he ate one noodle and one cucumber. The other kids ate everything in 20 minutes and got a fruit snack. When I told him his time was up he demanded a fruit snack and I told him no, he didn't eat, and he lost it. Then my other half, who I was on the phone with, told me I was being cruel. I should of let him sit until he ate his fill. That imposing a time limit wasn't right.
Is is cruel? Should I let him sit there until it's gone? Or is a time limit okay? He won't starve, he's a hefty kid as he will eat anything deepfried or covered in peanut butter. He does eat 85% of his meals here, it's just the rest that this happens on. Especially if there is a new vegetable (lettuce) involved.
The other night they were over for supper, and the night before that we were at their place for supper. Both nights my sister let him sit at the table from start (5pm) until bedtime (9pm). I watch him during the day and I cannot give him four hours to eat his lunch!!
Some days if the kids eat all thier lunch they get a treat after, like a few blackberries, or they share a fruit snack. Quiet/nap time begins at 1pm and we eat at 12pm.
So here's the question. How long do I give him to eat? The whole hour? What if lunch is a late starter and we don't start until 1230pm, do I extend his awake time to 130pm or do I just tell him 1pm is done time?
Today we had pasta and sauce and some salad. My nephew freaks out about sauce. He HATES sauce. Ketchup, ranch dressing, mayo, caramel sauce, anything. So I usually keep undressed pasta to the side, and I require he try one bite of what all the other kids are eating, then if he doesnt like it I'll offer him the plain ones. His salad was just lettuce, carrot and cucumber. No dressing.
I let him sit for an hour and a half and he ate one noodle and one cucumber. The other kids ate everything in 20 minutes and got a fruit snack. When I told him his time was up he demanded a fruit snack and I told him no, he didn't eat, and he lost it. Then my other half, who I was on the phone with, told me I was being cruel. I should of let him sit until he ate his fill. That imposing a time limit wasn't right.
Is is cruel? Should I let him sit there until it's gone? Or is a time limit okay? He won't starve, he's a hefty kid as he will eat anything deepfried or covered in peanut butter. He does eat 85% of his meals here, it's just the rest that this happens on. Especially if there is a new vegetable (lettuce) involved.
I absolutely agree with he should not get a treat if he hardly touches his meal. And I do not think it was cruel to tell him he's done eating if he had been sitting down for 90 minutes and just picked at his food. He had plenty of time to eat and kids shouldn't just sit down all day. He needs to learn that you eat when it's meal time and that you can't take all day.
I do not have a set time for quiet/nap time, but if that's been working for you to have one then continue with it.
It is sooooooo hard to impose and provide another parent sound parenting advice. It's not only akward to bring it up, but people get on the defensive. The best thing you can do is read up and educate yourself so when or if you do decide to bring it up you have all the answers to her questions. And ensure you do it in a very non-threatening matter and just portray your love and best interests for the child. Something along the lines of "I know he's such a picky eater, you know what I was reading the other day that was really interesting? .....".
In the end it's not fair that you're put between a rock and a hard place because you can't be expected to follow her bad example and any good you do can't be accepted in his eyes too well because it'll be inconsistant with what's going on at home and he'll just be getting mixed messages. I'd say just treat him like you do the other kids and keep to your schedule, if the kids get x amount of time to eat then keep it breezy and fun and let them all down after the eating time is over. Later on during play time if he's hungry however be prepared to offer a snack or something that will help him get some food in his tum.
I hope you find the answers you're looking for, however it HAS to start at home, or he'll get mixed messages and still not be able to overcome his bad relationship with food.
Many hugs to you
He eats while the others eat (usually around the thirty minute mark) and then once the last child is done we set the stove timer for an extra fifteen minutes. If the buzzer goes off and he is done he gets HEAPS of praise and occasionally a treat. If he is still sitting there pitching a fit about eating I just remove the food, wipe him up, and put him away from the table. When he complains he is hungry a billion times I tell him I'm sorry that he's hungry but he had his chance to eat food and now he has to deal with the hungry until snack time. And on those days I make sure snack is something VERY healthy.