Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
Hi, I was looking for a group to ask this question about an issue that I’m dealing with right now. I couldn’t find one, so I hope this is an ok place to ask this question. It is somewhat having to do with being a parent of a teenager. The issue though that I want to ask about right now though, doesn’t exactly have to do with my teenage son, but I guess in a way it does because the reason I think I’m having such a hard time with this is because of my wanting to be involved in his life as much as possible. The issue though has to do with another mom who I’m afraid is making that a little hard for me. My son just started high school this year and joined the high school wrestling team. I have always tried to be as involved with my kids activities and schools as I could and volunteer in their classes and extra after school activities every chance I get. With my son starting high school, I have tried to find new ways to be involved that are appropriate to a high school student. When he joined the wrestling team, the coach sent out an email to all of the parents asking for volunteers for the team wanting to start a parent committee. I was super excited about this and thought it would be a perfect way for me to be involved with my teenage sons high school life. I was the first parent to respond and a while later one other parent also responded. The 2 of us were the only 2 parents on the whole team that even responded to the coach’s email or showed any interest in being involved in this team out of probably about 100 parents. The coach was obviously looking to fill more positions than this, but he had to take what he could get, so he decided to make the other mom the president of the parent committee and me the wrestling team parent representative for the all sports booster program at the school, I would be the one trying to get our team involved in activities and fundraisers that benefit all of the sports teams. I have been going to meetings and collaborating with the committee members to represent my sons team and try to get our team ( for the first time ever) involved in the fundraisers for the rest of the school teams. I would then go to the coaches, athletes and parents of my team and try to get them involved. This other mom and I, being the only 2 parent volunteers for the team have met and I have tried to collaborate with her to help our kids team, but she always says to me whenever I try to get involved in anything or share things that I am a part of to involve the rest of our team in it she always says let me build the team, in other words, she doesn’t want my help. She always comes off very nice and friendly, doesn’t ever flat out say she doesn’t want me involved, but she definitely shows it. Then, when I sent an email to her and the coaches saying that I appreciate everything they all do for the team, let me know if they need help with anything and I will keep them all updated after my next meeting with the all sports committee , she asked me when and where my meeting was and said that she is coming. I know this might sound kind of silly for me to complain about, but I am afraid that she wants to take over my position on the team and I won’t be able to be involved in my sons high school team
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I have 3 kids. 24. 17. 15. My 17 yr old has become super defiant. He and his 15 yr old sister have on their own decision stopped going to their dads because he and his household is so toxic.My 15 yr old and myself feel like we have to tip toe around my son who is 17. And physically towers over us and out weighs us. He has become emotionally abusive and on the verge of becoming physically...
I guess I find myself wondering...is it worth it?
Myself, I'm a lead, follow or get out of the way type of person. I will lead when necessary, but if someone else really wants it...go for it. I will happily follow.
Maybe she wants to take over for you, maybe not. You can still be assertive and keep doing what you have been. Or, if she has a problem with the allocation of responsibilities maybe the two of you can find something that works for both of you. Depending on how important it is you could ask the coach to clarify to both of you - either at a group meeting or via memo - who should take on which tasks.
Or, maybe she's just wanting to check up on you.
I hope all of you are able to work this out in a way that benefits the kids as much as you'd hoped.
It sounds like you have already done a lot with your involvement. One option could be to tell her, "Sure, having you at the meeting sounds great. In fact, I have something else to do that night, so I"ll let you handle it." This would be turning the tables and showing her that she could easily get stuck with the whole thing, all by herself, if she doesn't back off and let you do what you are doing quite well without all her micromanagement. I guess it depends on what your goal is. If it's just to be more involved, you have done that, and you can step down any time you decide it's too much. However, if you are really liking the booster club and want to be president of that someday, maybe you can make some allies from the other teams and observe them and what works for them. I wish I had more advice. Good luck!