Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
I am in desperate need for a support group for parents of teens with depression and who self injure.
I found out almost a year ago that my now 15 yr old daughter was depressed and cutting herself. It was Valentines Day last year when we were actually at her Dr's, an appt I had made to ask for help with her insomnia, when I looked down at her wrists which were usually covered with bracelets, and noticed the cuts. Her Dr discussed it with us straight away and made a next day appt with a LCSW for her. She is still seeing the counselor and she is still cutting, I found semi fresh cuts on her last week. She tried to convince me that they were old but it was obvious they weren't. She is a beautiful, intelligent girl who does very well in school, in mostly honors classes. She has many friends, some who I suspect also cut, and some who I know don't and are very supportive of her in her efforts to get help and to stop harming herself. She is my third child, the baby, and although we have a very close relationship she doesn't talk to me about things like her older brother and sister always have and still do. She is on medication (Lexapro) for the depression and she also has a prescription for something to help her sleep that she takes as needed, which is more than I like. She is very willing to do whatever her Dr's and her father and I ask but I feel she may be doing it all only to appease us.
I don't know why she started cutting, or when, and I don't know if she really wants to stop, or if she's going through the counseling only to make me feel better. I don't know how to talk to her about it or what I should or shouldn't say. When she's in her room alone for periods of time I have to go check on her several times for fear she may hurt herself. Then I think I may be making it worse by asking her if she's OK all the time. I have to continue life as normal as possible, not allow her to do things that I wouldn't if she weren't having these struggles, make her do chores and homework, etc, but at any given time I worry about if that's going to be the thing to push her over the edge? I get flack from everyone: my parents and siblings, my older children, that I'm just giving in to her because I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself and that I'm just making it worse and that she's just doing it for attention and I should take her cell phone and computer, make her take some things off her walls, not allow her to listen to some of the music she likes, not allow her to have some friends over, ground her etc, but I feel like any of these things will just make her depression worse and/or cause her to self injure. It's a terrible feeling to be constantly worried about your child, to be afraid to open her bedroom door for fear of what you'll find her doing or HOW you'll find her and I'm so afraid I'm going to do or say the wrong thing or NOT do or say the right thing! I've been a parent for nearly 23 yrs, both of my older children are doing very well in their lives and neither caused me any problems growing up so dealing with any issues like this is completely new to me.
Although I don't have any foster children in my care at this time, I'm a certified foster parent and as such have had thorough and continued education about children. I have been reading books on the subjects of teenage depression and self injury, I've researched online and of course I've discussed it all with her counselor, but I'm still at a loss. I'm hoping maybe other parents who have had the misfortune of experiencing this may have some advice/help to offer me and I think just having someone else who understands may help. Any input would be appreciated!
I found out almost a year ago that my now 15 yr old daughter was depressed and cutting herself. It was Valentines Day last year when we were actually at her Dr's, an appt I had made to ask for help with her insomnia, when I looked down at her wrists which were usually covered with bracelets, and noticed the cuts. Her Dr discussed it with us straight away and made a next day appt with a LCSW for her. She is still seeing the counselor and she is still cutting, I found semi fresh cuts on her last week. She tried to convince me that they were old but it was obvious they weren't. She is a beautiful, intelligent girl who does very well in school, in mostly honors classes. She has many friends, some who I suspect also cut, and some who I know don't and are very supportive of her in her efforts to get help and to stop harming herself. She is my third child, the baby, and although we have a very close relationship she doesn't talk to me about things like her older brother and sister always have and still do. She is on medication (Lexapro) for the depression and she also has a prescription for something to help her sleep that she takes as needed, which is more than I like. She is very willing to do whatever her Dr's and her father and I ask but I feel she may be doing it all only to appease us.
I don't know why she started cutting, or when, and I don't know if she really wants to stop, or if she's going through the counseling only to make me feel better. I don't know how to talk to her about it or what I should or shouldn't say. When she's in her room alone for periods of time I have to go check on her several times for fear she may hurt herself. Then I think I may be making it worse by asking her if she's OK all the time. I have to continue life as normal as possible, not allow her to do things that I wouldn't if she weren't having these struggles, make her do chores and homework, etc, but at any given time I worry about if that's going to be the thing to push her over the edge? I get flack from everyone: my parents and siblings, my older children, that I'm just giving in to her because I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself and that I'm just making it worse and that she's just doing it for attention and I should take her cell phone and computer, make her take some things off her walls, not allow her to listen to some of the music she likes, not allow her to have some friends over, ground her etc, but I feel like any of these things will just make her depression worse and/or cause her to self injure. It's a terrible feeling to be constantly worried about your child, to be afraid to open her bedroom door for fear of what you'll find her doing or HOW you'll find her and I'm so afraid I'm going to do or say the wrong thing or NOT do or say the right thing! I've been a parent for nearly 23 yrs, both of my older children are doing very well in their lives and neither caused me any problems growing up so dealing with any issues like this is completely new to me.
Although I don't have any foster children in my care at this time, I'm a certified foster parent and as such have had thorough and continued education about children. I have been reading books on the subjects of teenage depression and self injury, I've researched online and of course I've discussed it all with her counselor, but I'm still at a loss. I'm hoping maybe other parents who have had the misfortune of experiencing this may have some advice/help to offer me and I think just having someone else who understands may help. Any input would be appreciated!
-
My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Usually I take her to her counseling sessions, I stay but I'm usually in the waiting room unless my daughter, the therapist or I have something we want to discuss. Her father and I are divorced, we seperated when she was 6, but we are in near daily communication with each other as we co-parent her. He went with us to her first appt but although he has remained in touch with her counselor, he hasn't made it to any more sessions. I have recently learned of dialectal behavior therapy and its success with self injurers so I plan on discussing it with her therapist on her next visit, I feel like we need to try something new because after nearly a year things seem to be about the same, if not worse! I don't really know what triggers her cutting, I know there was an incident at school the other day which triggered it but luckily she saw a close friend who talked with her and it passed. I also know she gets very upset whenever she and her older sister have any kind of altercation, even if it's just a disagreement.
I hope things go well with your son and your talk with your sister, it can be so scary when you first find out and if she doesn't already know, she's really going to need your love and support to get through it. I know I was in a daze for a few days and it took me a while to understand why hurting herself made my child feel better, it goes against reason! I now understand it's not the physical pain but the emotional feeling that helps and that it is very much an addiction.
Thanks again :)
Hollander for some suggestions on what to say, how to deal and to gain a better understanding...good luck.
now all these yrs later and ive never talked to him about it.he has scars all over his body,he once cut his leg so bad he had stiches...
my point is if you have a child doing this,please follow the advice found here...im going to talk to my son bout it and see if he is still doing it..
from what little i know,its to get rid of emotional pain..may God bless all of you
kitty
Later on, (when I was looking for new schools for my daughters) I saw a girl with drawings and quotes in her hands and arms, so I told my daughter to use sharpie body art instead of cutting when she has the urge to cut, doesn't matter if she is at school, drawing on your arms is not school regulated, and it would be an artistic way to express her feelings at the moment.
Now I know when something is wrong if I see her arms in rainbow colors or drawings, and I just tell her that I'm there for her, no judgement or pushing, eventually throughout the day she will tell me something, or not, is her choice, but I am on high alert and I do organize a thousand silly activities with the family so she can be near and safe.
But it is one day at a time, and yes it is exhausting specially if you have no one to bounce back ideas or feelings, I feel so blessed that I found this group.
Be blessed. :)
I want my baby back and I don’t know what to do
I just found out last week my 14 year old daughter’s been cutting too, supposedly for about two months. It is so heartbreaking. I’m sorry this is even a thing, this cutting.
My daughter has always been dramatic and kind of mean. But I had no idea she would do something like this. I can relate to you a lot. I feel like all of a sudden, my worry and stress level, and distress is sky high.
It’s so shocking because she is outgoing, pretty, successful, talented, and I thought confident.
Her friend’s mom told me and showed me pictures from my daughter’s secret instagram account. When I saw her account, it made me feel so much worse. She is following a bunch of strangers, and a bunch of strangers are following her. They all appear to be self harming. So I have no idea what kinds of things she’s seen and talked about with who knows who? Plus, she had all of these depressing memes, sounded kind of suicidal, and had pictures of the cuts.
I’m glad she’s willing to start therapy and has several good friends. And the friends and their parents know about the cutting and are really nice about it.
I try not to blame myself. But it’s hard not too. I think back of times she got yelled at or punished by me. I mean I’m a pretty calm parent. Just normal stuff. But I think that she may have cut herself over it.
And I now fear I could be the cause of future self harm. But all you can do is try to be a little kinder with them. But you can’t let them have no discipline.
This is one of the worst things I have ever been through. It’s like one minute you think you’re kid is okay, kind of a moody teenager. Then you find out she’s cutting, depressed, possibly suicidal. And you feel so scared and powerless.
I so hope we can nip it in the bud. She is willing to do therapy. She starts tomorrow.
I just found out my 15 year old daughter is cutting. We found out Dec 22, 2017. I was shocked and devastated.
She is seeing a counselor every 2 weeks since Jan 2018. She also seeing our family doctor every 3 weeks. We have our first appointment with a psychiatrist in March. She is also on an anti-depressant.
From the outside my daughter appears to be the perfect teen. Very polite, well spoken, does very well in school. She has a healthy friend group, she doesn't experience bullying, she follows the rules, her teachers like her, other parents like her. She is beautiful and lives in a mid-class home where she has everything she needs and more.
I am terrified, exhausted, angry, frustrated, anxious, ashamed and have tremendous mom-guilt.
How could this have happened?
What could I have done differently?
I am scared to parent her for fear of causing her stress or anxiety.
I am scared to leave her alone for fear she will commit suicide (typing those words are very hard)
I am so tired from worrying
I am so tired from all the stress and overwhelming emotions that I don't take care of myself
I am angry that she is doing this to herself.
I am angry because I just don't understand.
I feel so guilty for feeling angry.
She is my only child. She is the reason I do anything. I am the successful and responsible 36 year old adult I am because of her.
I am so scared.