Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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/ Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

mending a broken relationship with mom and dad

Dee4444
Dee4444

Im not a teenager. I'm 23 but I think this group may offer the best advice here. Growing up I was quite the rebellious teen and I liked to think I've calmed down a bit but recently acted out, lied and had a big fight with both mom and dad over thanksgiving break. We are barely speaking and my father and I haven't shared a word. I don't live in their state anymore and I have my own life here in texas. They say they want space from me but I fear space will turn into cold shoulder forever. I'm not 15,17 or even 18 anymore. I acted out recently and made a big mistake last time I was home, and NOW I am a full grown adult. I feel awful and I do not know what to do about this. I love and want a relationship with my parents. Advice? I don't want to be a huge dissapoint to them. 

Beryl367
Beryl367
Hi Dee4444. It's great that you see that things aren't going well and want them to improve. Did you act out and have big fights with your parents a lot as a teenager? This isn't something that automatically changes just because you attain a certain age. If your parents want space, I'd say give them some, and do it respectfully. Since they don't want to work on this with you, do your own work. Analyze what happened and what it would have taken to get a more desirable outcome. Then work on whatever you would've needed to do differently to avoid acting out, lying, and having a huge fight. No one can make you fight with them, or lie to them, etc.

I'm not saying that it was ALL you, it's almost never ALL anyone. But we are only able to control our own behavior and not that of others.

Also, I've seen (and done this myself , too) people sometimes want to do differently/better in an area and think that good intentions would cause (by themselves) good behavior. Unfortunately, it is not that simple. Don't be afraid to ask for help/direction/perspective from a counselor, life coach, conflict resolution instructor, clergy person, or other advisor.

I hope you and your parents are able to mend your relationship. The thing to do now is work on yourself. When they're done getting the space they need you'll be better able to interact with them in a way you'll both appreciate. And, who knows, your future relationships with others may benefit as well.

Best wishes.
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