Hi FriedMomma. Welcome to the group. A couple of things occur to me right away. Firstly, Good for You! Yep. Good for you for shutting off his phone and taking the games. He has treated you badly. It is unacceptable. He hasn't earned any privileges (sp?). Will your spouse support you in this? Maybe your 16 yo needs to earn his stuff back with a couple days (weeks?, etc) of good behavior.

Secondly, if you're 'doing everything for both of them' maybe it's time for them to learn some skills and increase their independence/abilities. This would reduce the load on you so that you don't feel so overwhelmed. That wouldn't make you a bad mom / wife. In fact a less stressed mom/wife is often a better mom/wife. I'm not saying you should do anything as drastic as 'going on strike' at home or anything. Whether a sudden change or a gradual change would work best depends on you and your family members. But a fair distribution of labor at home is important.

ps, If your spouse either can't or won't have the 'Mom is an important part of this family and you're gonna treat her with respect as long as you're living in my house' conversation with your son then perhaps couple's or family counseling is in order (unless you have another family member, clergy member, family friend etc who can/will.(an older male who your son respects will work best).

pps. Sometimes when a child has threatened suicide the parents stop parenting him/her for fear of 'setting him/'her off and prompting an actual attempt.' I can totally understand wanting to avoid that. But, if this has happened in your family, and if it's part of the reason why your son felt free to kick and throw things at you then it might be worth establishing some family boundaries and pursuing some (stress) coping skills (for any or all of you). I know this is easier said than done and I admit that I am still working on my own coping skills - but it could help.

Hang in there. Things can get better.

Best wishes

Thanks for the awesome response!!! Things are better now, but certainly a roller coaster with a teenager!

The teen years are tough on parents and teen both. I'm so glad to hear things are better now.

I think you handled it pretty well. Now just tell him you love him and try to get a sense of how things are going and if something is bothering him.

Don't tell him you love him. Show him you love him. Even at 16 these boys need to be held. They need to be coddled and told everything will be alright. They need to be lead to manhood with the firmness of a father and the soft touch of a mother. But above all, you can never lose a fight. So pick your battles wisely.

Wow, this is a difficult one? He's 16. You're his mother, not his best friend.
I suggest that you begin to live your own life. Go out to dinner. Date. Find friends of your own age to pal with. You son is a man--almost. Ignore him.
He will begin to come back to you, perhaps when he is in his mid-twenties with children and too many responsibilities of his own. Face it, lady, if you haven't already solidified that mother-son bond before now, it's likely that you will never have it. But I think you do.
Go out and begin to live your life. Force him to do all the things that at 15 he should be doing by himself:
Making his own dinners,
Homework
Keeping house (cleaning and stuff)
Laundry
You are raising an adult. You are not raising a child. He is a child, to begin with, why would you want him to remain one? Your job is to peek in on his progress here and there, now and again. Be that safety net, but no more. After he is showing signs of needing you to teach him a skill or skills that he did not have, help him. And in those quiet brief moments alone with him remind this boy that you love him and get out again, In less than 3 years he will be on his own and playing the part of an adult. Demand he do it. That front door rarely swings both ways and you gave a solemn vow to God to nurture and love and then let go.
“Something has spoken to me in the night...and told me that I shall die, I know not where. Saying: "[Death is] to lose the earth you know for greater knowing; to lose the life you have, for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth.” ― Thomas Wolfe, You Can't Go Home Again

If he threatens to commit suicide as a tactic then take him in to ER for him to get assessed. My teen has been acting out and he did the same thing. I took him in to get assessed he was not willing to cooperate so they put him in a inpatient therapy program for a week. No phone, no internet, no connection to the outside world. Yeah he learned a good lesson.