Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
I know raising teenagers is a challenge but I'm to the point that I have never felt so discouraged and that I'm failing as a parent. My son is 16 and has become someone that I feel like I don't know anymore. He is disrespectful all the time, never listens, irretates this younger brother all the time to the point his little brother now hates him, shows no responsibility for anything and argues with me all the time about everything....and I do mean everything. Now I know that I probably just described the entire teenagers population. Im a single parent so I don't have anyone to fall back on or to help enforce things. I am a good parent and do ALOT for my children. My teenager blames me for everything and I do mean everything. I mean if its raining outside...he would blame me for that too! I try talking with him but things always land up in an argument. He now says he hates our family, can't understand why I'm not nice, why I'm mean to him, he calls me things he should be calling me, etc, etc. He NEVER listens. When we have talked about things.....he says he will try to be more respectful and help out (chores). But as soon as the conversation ends....so does that. One of my fears is that he may never change and that all of this is negatively effecting his younger brother. Im just so hurt by all of it because when I look at him now....I feel sad for what I see in front of me because he has turned into someone I feel like I don't even know any more and it's not a nice picture. He used to be such a loving care person. So any words of advice, suggestions.....anything.....would be welcomed. I just honestly don't know what to do anymore. :o(
Boys are very often activity driven and do require information to be repeated before it sinks in.
Instead of talking, try focusing on sharing an interest together. For my kids it's either board games or canoeing. For my daughter alone it is movies, and for my son alone it's computers and story writing. While doing the activity share one or two thoughts only ... but the importance is the activity, so you can have him return willingly.
Keep sharing and we'll try to gie some encouragement because you are not alone.
Peace,
I don't have any advice for you,all i can do is send you a huge hug and pray that it is just a stage he is going through and hopefully he will realise that life is not all about him.
Have you ever considered counselling,you and him together?
I was talking to my husband about this today, I said I am so worried when he gets in the real world because reality is going to smack him so hard in the face its gonna be worse than a culture shock.
I try to sit down with my son and tell him the reasons why he has chores, needs to work, and learn to schedule sports in (he likes sports). I have talked and talked and decided you know, I what else can I do. I have tried different techniques, had other people talk to him, school counselor and his mind it set that he knows all. I havnt given up but it's a bit hard talking to someone who doesnt care what you have to say. Unfortunately I am starting to believe that he will have to learn on his own the faces of the reality of life.
I do have one thing to suggest..
Try saying...
You seemed to be angered by everything, I would like you to know that I am here for you Tell me what is going on that is making you so frustrated. How is school going?
I am going to keep checking in weekly in here as I think we both can use words of encouragement :).
My son is 12 going on 17 and has this same attitude. There are days that I don't like my son...seriously. I love him, sure. But I see my own faults in him at times and I know that I am hard on him.
All I can say is for you to tell him that you love him when he says he hates you. Just say the opposite to him every time he says something negative. I know this is crazy sounding and I can't promise it will work. You are a good parent. I know this because of the attention you are giving him. I like the advice that someone else gave, about sharing an interest with him. If he likes sushi, go out one night for a bite. Then go see GI Joe.
I don't know you, but I'm sending love & hugs your way. We're all in this together.
I attend college football games with my kids. I only have two tickets, so I take each individually. It is amazing what they will listen to during that day. One time my son and I talked and talked for hours and almost missed the kick-off!
Try it. But let the activity begin for a while before broaching the subject. Kids are master manipulators, being such, they are also keen on figuring out when they are being manipulated.....
We try to have talks with him and he alwasy says it's us (hubby and I) why do we not trust him and why do we get mad at everything.
I have mentioned i'm going to take him to volunteer at a youth homeless shelter to see if that helps. I have also mentioned going to Anger Management.