Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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bigguy3 07/21/2010

My 16 year old daughter has been dating a young man over the past 8 months.he's 16 as well). They seemed to hit it off well and really like each other. My daughter says she "loves" him. Well, a few weeks ago, we caught the boyfriend in her bedroom after curfew. He'd snuck in through her bedroom window. He made up some lame excuse why he was there and we sat down with the two of them and had a long talk about how "we would not tolerate that behavior and that he better not do it again."

Well, last night we caught him in her bedroom again (fortunately they were both clothed). Once again he snuck through her window. It was not a good situation. My wife is extremely upset. My son, that is also friends with the boyfriend, has told me that the sneaking in through the window has happened on many occassions. Our daughter denies that anything was happening and that they were just talking, but I don't believe it. The boyfriend seems to have an honesty problem that compounds things quite a bit.

I'm not sure how best to handle the situation. We plan on informing the other parents to let them know what has been going on and limiting time spent with the boyfriend. My wife has even suggested that we sleep with a loaded shotgun at the bedside LOL.

Any suggestions? Anybody been through a similar situation?

deleted_user 12/06/2010

Well, I think I would lock the window somehow so he couldn't get in. I would ground her, for disrespecting you and the rules of your home. I would also call the boy's parents so they know what has been going on, and maybe have a meeting with them, and you and both of the kids. Be firm and hold your ground. It isn't always easy, but at this age, boy, you cannot let them get away with anything! All the best!

Thriver 12/08/2010

I would try to have an honest conversation with them both, or maybe just with your daughter. Find out just how far things have gone, how this idea of the window was hatched, whether they think there is anything wrong with what they are doing, what they expect or want to be allowed to do. Just trying to lock her in will never work. It will inspire them to use their ingenuity and possibly even go farther than they would have in rebelling, if you have put some of the responsibility back on them.
The conversation should include a discussion of any and all consequences of sex, if they are having sex.
Are there any adults on the board who were kept in by force? What was the result? Any who felt their parents talked well with them? What was that like?

lisalisa72 12/09/2010

Time to have a sit-down discussion with the boy's parents and ask how they will be helping to support their grandchild.

Seriously -- it's time to get the boy's parents involved.

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