16 a very tricky age...If you try to limit their time together, do you think that they would want to be with each other more?
have you discussed birth control with your daughter. Not just birth control, but also condoms and STD's. I'm sure they've heard it in school, but talking to them about it can help.

In my opinion, when you talk to his parents, don't come off accusing their son of being the bad guy. Something like - we have a little problem going on with our kids - may be a better starting approach.
Your daughter is letting him in, so they are really in it together..

They may have just been talking. And if that is the case, maybe you can suggest that he come to the door and be invited in. If he does that, then let him stay an hour or so - depending on the time. The more you show them trust, the better your relationship you will have with them.

As I said - 16 is a tricky age.. good luck......

I hate to say it but the only time I ever snuck into my boyfriends house through the window was for sex. It is possible they are already sexually active. I agree with Ms Viv that you need to approach this carefully so you don't make their desire even more or that you force them to find another place (because they will). I also agree talking with them about the consequences of being sexually active is important. I know here, the schools don't teach about condoms. They aren't even mentioned.

Good luck. I hope it goes well.

shotgun... (joking, i have a daughter too)

i alarmed the windows as well as put spycam up.. caught them in the shower. denied it till the vid came out.. for a while she thought i was a gifted prophet with all my knowledge...LOL

I have looked into the security system and surveliance system as well, but hate the thought of turning my house into fort knox because people can't obey the rules.

I suppose it would be a worth while investment but I wish I didn't have to do it.

We've grounded her from seeing him for 2 weeks. I realize it is unrealistic to prevent them from ever seeing each other again, but hopefully they will respect us and NOT see each other again. We have agreed to minimal phone contact (one call per day).

It's a sticky situation because my wife and I come from opposite sides of the fence on this issue. My wife used to sneak out of her house at night (thru the window) and go to her boyfriends house. I didn't even think about doing that type of thing. So in her perspective, she can relate and doesn't want to overreact ... but it also points out to her how difficult it was for her parents knowing she was doing this type of thing when she was a teenager.

From my perspective, it is a pretty major rule breaking and I see it as a pretty big deal and would have taken away additional things. Grounding from the boyfriend, no cell phone, being grounded and having to stay home for at least a week. Add to all this the fact that our oldest son is having authority issues and is being disobedient and disprespecful too.

Can't we just cryo-freeze teenagers at about age 15 and thaw them out again at 20? That may be the only way to avoid having to deal with this crap.

Let me share my experience with you. My 15 year old made me think there was a home invasion at my house!!

Imagine this. I woke up at 3:50am to go to the bathroom and went downstairs to get a drink of water. Went into the living room to turn out a small lamp and then sat on the couch in the dark (which is something I never do, it was meant for me to catch her).

All of a sudden I see this shadow appearing through the vestibule door and then turning the knob to come in. It turns out to be my daughter looking half asleep as she snuck out to sit on the porch with this stupid boy at 2am in the morning. When she realized that my husband was still up late downstairs after she went outside she was forced to sleep in the vestibule long after the boy went home.

So I see the shadow and scream for my husband and he runs outside to catch the boy only to find out that he left long ago. She scared the life out of me.

The teenagers today are horrible and I wish we could send them all away from us. I agree with reply #4 I hate dealing with this crap.

It wasn't enough that we allowed the boy to come over( even though we don't really like or trust him) sometimes to visit on the porch, they had to take it further and now I don't want him over at all !!!!!

What I did: I placed a lock on my daughter's bedroom window that requires a key to open. I keep the key hidden in my room. The window can open about 3 inches...if she needs fresh air. The bathroom window is bolted shut with the bolt head sawed off. My kids have been informed that in case of a fire they are to shatter the window to exit, not try to open it. The front door has a very loud bell hanging on it. At first this was annoying as heck to have that bell jangling every time some one came in or went out, but we got used to it. So if any one comes into my house at night it will make noise and I will wake up.
I also promised my daughter's boyfriend (an awesome guy I happen to like a lot, in fact) that if ANY part of his anatomy become inserted into ANY part of her anatomy, he will wish he had been born d--kless, because my aftermarket version involves a kind of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone. And I was serious, and he believes me. And he treats me and my daughter with love and respect, and he is welcome here at any appropriate time. That's what works for me.

How does your daughter behave otherwise? Is she honest, contributes to the family as needed, takes care of her schoolwork, etc?

You guys are all so mean. Just like grown ups you lose your sense of love and adventure. They love each other and want to be together for hugs and talking and kissing. It feels so wonderful to be in love and have phsical contact.

Just teach her about birth control and give her a box of condoms and let her learn some things. Its not all that crazy that you need to shoot anyone or have anyone arrested. They might be doing it everyday in the park as it is and you just dont know because your too busy in your own world to notice. I dont understand why your being so mean.

China- let's give you 20-30 years and it's your daughter and let's see if you still feel a box of condoms and birth control is the best advice.

I agree shooting him isn't the answer and I don't know that I would personally call the police but if my daughter's boyfriend doesn't have respect for my family, I have serious issues with him.

You might think we are mean, but it is for her protection. I'm sure she doesn't want to be a teen mom either.

ChynnaGirl ..that was just silly.

I used to leave my window open for my bf too and we were together a lot. If someone made us stop that i would have gone to his place instead. is that any better? me running around in the middle of the night?

you can be sure if they arent having sex now they will be soon so just put her on the pill or give her some condoms otherwise she will be pregnant and its the parents fault. they are supposed to be the smart ones. and they probably have sex in the park or after school, or maybe even during school. i used to do that too.

maybe thats just dumb but thats how it is.

@ ChynnaGirl: You said, "otherwise she will be pregnant and its the parents fault. they are supposed to be the smart ones."

So you believe that it is the parents fault for HER poor decisions? You acknowledge that the behaviour is "dumb" but choose to do it anyway. That is just plain silly. I just love how young people can't take personal responsibility for their choices. Parents provide rules, structure, and boundaries for their children to provide a framework where they can make GOOD decisions on their own. It is expected for children to test those boundaries and it is the parents responsibility to determine how much flexibility to provide for those boundaries.

IMO, providing a box of condoms or putting your child on birth control is NOT good parenting. Being sexually active at such a young age can be damaging on so many levels.

A child's disrepect for reasonable rules and boundaries set forth by their parents is a good indicator of how that child will behave when they get to be an adult. If they have no respect, they will recieve no respect. And I believe that a boundary for your child to NOT have sex until they are legally an adult is a reasonable rule.

And for the record, NO, we will NOT be providing her with condoms and/or the pill. IMO, that would be POOR parenting.

Since you made it clear the first time, that you would not tolerate that behavior, you have to stick to your guns, and dole out some sort of punishment.

I think, if it were me, I would tell my daughter that she couldn't see this boy again, at least until both of them are mature enough to respect the rules that you have in your home.

Telling the boy's parents is your call. It can go either way, depending on what type of people they are. They will either be really glad that you were honest with them, and will work with you to come up with some stricter, cohesive guidelines.......or, they maybe the kind of parents who feel that nothing their child does is wrong, and they might become very angry when you tell them.

Either way, you have to do what feels right for you.

This is a delicate situation, and I hope you are able to get it sorted out soon.

Ok, I definitely believe there has to set boundries that have to be enforced. However, a blanket "No" statement is just asking for trouble. Be realistic. If you believe she is having sex, then put her on birth control and stress the importance of also preventing std's. If your child "thinks" their ready to have sex, then likely they will find a place...where there's a will, there's a way.

The boyfriend sneaking in her window is absolutely unacceptable, and there should be consequences for disobeying you. ALL teenagers make poor decisions. I still make poor decisions sometimes. Part of growing up is learning from your mistakes.

Communication in a non-confronting way is key, and it will make your relationship stronger. The rule in our house is that members of the opposite sex aren't allowed in their rooms. We do have an alarm system on our house also, including windows...it's to keep burglars out...and the kids from sneaking out at night.

@Momjordi...that's crazy. Is your daughter so untrustworthy that you HAVE to lock her in her room? IMO, I think this is just asking for trouble.

Oh, and what state doesn't even teach about condoms?

The frustrating fact is that you can give guidelines and enforce punishment for broken rules, but you cannot absolutely force your daughter to make the decisions you want her to make. It's important for her to know she can always come to you for help, even if it's an after-the-fact thing, like she's already sleeping with her b/f.