Although I have no advice I kow how you feel. I too feel that way. I tried to implement house chores but eneded up doing a lot of yelling and having to stand over them the entire time to make sure they did the chore. It wasn't worth it so I end up just doing it myself. THen in the mornings and evenings our routine is always the sam, yet I have to stand over them or feel like I have to yell at them constantly to get them to actually finish what they are supposed to be doing. IE brushing teeth instead of playing. I too feel like a horrible mom and wish we could have more fun, but they take so long to do just one thing that I don't feel like we have the time for fun things and getting things like beds made too. I too feel frustrated a lot!

Hugs. I'm right there with ya!

Sometimes I think that when we get in a bad rut, we just have to find a way to step aside and think about how to do things in an opposite way. When I get in a rut like this sometimes it helps to tell my kid "here's a list of what you need to do in the next hour. if you get it done, the reward is __________ and if you don't the punishment is ____________." And really stick to the punishment, which should be immediate, so they can see mom means business today! lol
I try to present the punishment without saying much, which makes me feel a whole lot better than harping endlessly.

I guess I'd just share that shaking things up works for us. Like I'll get out an egg timer and say "you need to do _____ before this goes off or ________________." That probably works the best of all.

I agree with the timer thing. I do use that occasionally and it works wonders but usually only once I'm at the end of my rope. I feel bad thinking I have to set the timer to get anything at all accomplished. I too use the If you___________ and if you don't ____________. method along with immeadiate follow through. But do I have to use the timer to get them to do EVERYTHING? Somtimes I just feel so defeated.

We have a sticker chart listing the morning routine: Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, etc and I tell them, "check your list" and when they've accomplished the first item they give themselves a star and move onto the next. A lot of the time, they just give themselves stars and instead of going onto the next thing they just start playing or doing whatever and I start harping, and especially wen we're late, yelling. But sometimes it seems to help. They give themselves a star and when they see the next thing to do is brush their hair, the whip out the hairbrush. If they don't get their thing done then they get no star and/or they have to do push-ups. Not getting the star is good enough for my daughter, but my son has to get push-ups and priveleges revoked. I'm a yeller though too most of the time and it makes me feel like crap. I thought I was going to be this stellar mom and here my son is insecure and has self-esteem issues; forget what the house looks like. I used to have to hover over my children's homework, but now they pretty much do it on their own. They know they can't do anything fun until they get it done and they'll be sent to bed without dinner if need be. My husband doesn't mess around. I've caved into them too much, so they often run over me. The chores thing for me I call "teamwork" because my counselor suggested giving it a more positive sounding name. We work together and we each pitch in , so it's teamwork. I don't care how many push-ups they need to do or haow hungry they get...And they have a chores sticker-chart too. They like to count up their stars and brag about how many they have. For some reason my children like to do chores. It seems to boost their self-esteem to be useful. The kung-fu teacher told me to tell him the number of push-ups my children get in a week and he will double it by making them do the same number there before class for not listening to their parents. As for home school, I can't imagine...I would get so sick of my children. I'm so glad they're in public school. Admittedly, they need to go to a better one, but at least they're out of the house!lol I wish you well and take a few breaths. It's typical for children this age to not understand the virtue of self-discipline. It's the choice and concequences approach described above that works best, like with the egg timer and whip and carrot-stick. Now if we could just be consistent and stick to it every day. Hmmm I think life would be a lot better. Alas, I'm only human. Take care of yourself too, my dear and don't get down on yourself.

Exactly how many hours a day are they in "school"? My girls go to school and still are expected to help around the house and have plenty of time to play. Sounds like your kids might have pulled a fast one on you. You are over stressed trying to do everything and you are getting strung out and aggrevated. Like I am sure 98% of moms do. Take time for yourself during the day,. Put the broom down and relax for 5 min.

Pick your battles. I used to be a clean freak and get stressed out when things werent done now that my son has behaviour problems I do my housework in pieces and pick what problem is worth the battle with him. take time out for you the small stuff will still be there when you are refreshed

boy do I know how it is raising an 8 year old>..I also have a 10 year old and a 4 year old...ALL GIRLS.
mY 8 year old is the one that gives me the most stress (middle child syndrome?)..sometimes I have to ask her 4 times until she does something...Everyday my children say "you're mean!" I hear that and I've come to accept it..I tell them that Mean Moms care. They don't believe me but someday maybe they will. It doesn't make you a bad mother because you are asking them to do their part. If I had to do it all alone, I would die. I've tried it and gave up trying. It's impossible to do everything for yourself, husband and children. Let alone, you need that alone time which I rarely get. What has worked for me is that there is no television unless their homework and at least 1 chore is done. They yell and scream and say I'm mean, but I've found that it works. Use what they love and you'll get results. Remember to take a breather when it gets too tough...On many occasions I've had to call my husband to come home from work because I can't handle my middle child. She's the most like me and the one I can't handle. She literally drains me of my good energy. Don't lose control. When it gets too hard go to a room and lock it. Take deep breaths and say a little prayer. It also helps if I put on my MP3 player and listen to Celtic or New Age music. Hang in there. We do a lot for our families and it seems unfair sometimes but we get through it. At the end of the day reinforce the love you have for them and let them know how much you love them.....lots of hugs and kisses. you can do it. your friend , DebbieAnn

I am currently in a parenting programme. It is focused on positive parenting and some of it seems a little namby pamby to me at times but something that i am finding really works for our family is praise. It is really hard but when you feel like yelling at them take a breather and find something, anything to praise them about, If you can find nothing just praise them for being. ie...You have really pretty eyes today, they are sparkling. It sounds mad but although at first they may seem a bit suspicious of it in time they will start to lap it up and even try and do things to gain more praise.

Things still need to be done and there are many things you can bring in to try and see that they get done, Sticker charts are fantastic motivational tools as is rocks in a jar with a promise of a reward when the jar is full. It is really hard to stay calm i am so not a patient person and still find it hard not to yell but i try and remember that children learn how to be by example and i really want my children to be more patient than me. It is ok to have time out for mum as well as kids.

Try having a family meeting, let everyone have a chance to talk and say what bothers them, what they think are good family rules to have and what they think should happen if the rules are broken. If they are involved they are more likely to stick to the rules. Remember though that rules have to be kept short 3 or 4 are more than enough.

Good luck hun and i hope that this helps you.

im going through the same thing and dont know what to do either.

Mommy I have had six children my next to the last is 33 the last is six, I am now 57 yrs old. I can say from my heart NOW your house will be there in the morning. WILL YOUR CHILD? Mine has a liver disease and I am homeschooling, I maybe cleaning after super who cares? My mama used to say " there is dirt, then there is dirty dirt!" As long as I am just in the messy stage I can live with myself but it took yrs to learn it.

i would tell them that the quicker they do their work the quicker they can do fun things and the less you will yell. explain to them why they need to do their schoolwork that if they dont then they wont be able to get a good job and they wont be able to buy a car and a house and what ever else they want. tell them that by you not getting your housework done because they wont listen to you you wont be buying them any toys etc till they prove they deserve them by acting a like big kids and doing what they are told. apart from that im not sure what to do, my SS got suspended from school a little while ago and when brought round to our place he was so excited till my partner turned around and told him im not happy with you, because you are here i cannot go to work and if i cannot go to work i cannot buy anything and his son said "like toys?" and my partner replied yes and food and other items and his son just sat down and did his schoolwork. hes kept in mind from then on that if hes naughty and stays home we cant make money and also that if he doesnt do his schoolwork that he wont be able to get a good job to make money to buy what he wants one day.
Hope this helps sorry its a bit of a ramble! good luck!

I so know what you are talking about. It seems like my kids don't take me seriously unless I get angry & raise my voice and usually at that point I find myself being mean... Not the mom I want to be. I am working on chores again. My kids have a list of everyday chores & Monday/Wed/Sat chores. I am spending a lot of time telling them what needs to be done (even though I printed a list) and telling them "I mean it" "do the job" "get it done" and guiding them through what is expected. I don't have free time while this is going on, but the chores are getting done & I am not stressing over trying to clean & resolve sibling issues. I feel bad that they are coming home from school, working on homework, and then doing chores until dinner BUT I know that in time they will feel the pain and just get it done... It is 30 minutes worth of work! BTW my boys are 12 & almost 7.

I posted my reply before reading the others and I wanted to add a few things...
Debbieann, I agree Mean Moms Care!
I tell my children that too and being a Christian, I have showed them that the Bible says kids are supposed to respect their parents and when a parent diciplines a child it is because the parents loves them enough to teach them how to be a good person. My kids have seen that there are kids they know who's parents don't know where they are or what they are doing and those kids are often hungry, dirty, and getting into bigger and bigger trouble... and my kids have pointed out that those kids look sad and lonely most of the time.
We will only be "Mean" moms until our kids have kids and then they will say Thank-you!

Starbright, I think you have brought up a valuable point. I am sorry to hear your daughter has liver disease, but it is a reminder to all of us that nobody is promised tomorrow... which is why we mom's who do get stressed and yell feel bad. As mom's we do need to enjoy the gift of today. There is a place of balance between having our children cooperate and taking the time to live in the moment. When this balanace is established it gives more freedom to have a spur of the moment pillow fight or dance party or water fight in the yard.
I know a few families that seem very happy & satisified. I don't see the parents get angry and frustrated or become easily flustered. I know that their homes are structured and organized and the children are expected to contribute to the home. It is tricky and takes time and dedication but I think we can all get there.
I know this week has been hard inforcing chores, but there have already been some improvements to our family life. We are sitting together to eat breakfast because our morning is smoother, I can teach my kids to help make dinner, our dinner time is more enjoyable, and out bath & bedtime routines are easier.... of course the hours between school & dinner are hard, but soon they will get idea! (Hopefully)

I have an 8 year old and I can totally relate to all of this. I find myself yelling and losing my patience. I can not get my daugther to do anything without a battle. I end up feeling like the worst mom in the world. My patience wears thin, too fast. This is not the type of mom I want to be, but I can't get her to cooperate and feel like I need to tell her what to do all day long, as she doesn't seem to ever do anything for herself. I am frustrated. I keep vowing to change it all, but I'm not sure how. If I could get some cooperation, I feel like I really can be a patient, kind mom.