Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of big kids (5 to 8 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.

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misterjones 01/28/2009

Does anyone have any experience with this?

My daughter is 5 years old and started kindergarten this year.

When she is away from school she talks all the time but once she steps foot into the classroom she clams up. She won't talk to the teacher even if I am there with her. The teacher has to ask her yes/no questions just to get a nod of her head. She did this in preschool too so it has nothing to do with the teacher.

I was looking on the internet and from reading it sounds like she may have selective muting. I'd prefer not to have to take her to the doctor for something like this as it may be just shyness that she will eventually outgrow but as she progresses in grades it will be harder for her if she won't talk in class.

Anyone have a child with this problem that may be able to help?

Thanks.

Thriver 01/28/2009

My son did that in preschool. Later, the teachers told me that for 6 months they were not sure he could talk, after that he never shut up. He just takes a long, long time to warm up to people and places.

Now just make sure she is not labelled 'shy'. My son wore that label proudly until I read something on DS that made me realize he really wasn't shy, just hiding behind that label. Everyone is reticent in some situations.

misterjones 01/28/2009

I'm just worried because she did this through a whole year in preschool and now half a year in kindergarten. If she's taking a long time to warm up then this is a reallllllly long time.

deleted_user 01/28/2009

my niece is like that.

She has Social Anxiety disorder.

She's actually my husband's niece. He and I were together for over 4 years before she spoke one single word to me.

Now, she never shuts up, but it literally takes her years to be able to speak to a new person.

mechellebelle 01/28/2009

I agree with Thriver ... my child is also very slow to warm up in new situations. At home he is never quiet. I finally just tell people that (when he can't hear me) and to be patient ... when he gets to know them, he'll speak up more.

So, you say it's taking a really long time... can you email her teacher and ask her if she can try some confidence builders with her?

I find once I urge my son to do things that take courage (asking a waiter for his own drink and ordering his own food) he then feels "successful" and I hardly ever have to do that task again. Maybe the teacher can help out.

I hope it gets better for you.

Thriver 01/29/2009

Could you invite a child from her class to your house for a playdate to break the ice? Maybe if she feels like she has a friend, made in the safety of her own home one on one, that would help her feel more at home in the school setting.

deleted_user 01/29/2009

my daughter did this when she was smaller.she has gotten better since getting older,however when she is uncomfortable with someone or a situtation she shuts down, she is 13 and this has been something we have kived with since she 3. preschool and kdg. she did not talk, I was thankful she had understanding teachers, then in first grade she started opening up. but as I said she can still shut down, it is a anxiety thing. do not let anyone tell you she is being manipulitive. it is not that kind of behavior, just be encouraging and supportive and she will be okay,my daughter talks better without me there then if i was, I use feel really bad about that. but I have accepted it, she would talk at home unless we had someone over,

deleted_user 01/30/2009

My daughter was like this when she started school. I knew that she wasn't shy because she talked at home non-stop, and the preschool that she attended was very small so she knew everyone. When she enters new environment she shuts down and shut people out, she's clingy, and her Kindergarten teacher almost convinced me that my daughter was mute and that she had an "issue" but it wasn't the case.

It just takes her a while to warm up to people. I would try play dates with some of her classmates. Maybe one at a time...Maybe try talking to her about how she feels when she enters the classroom.

misterjones 01/30/2009

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will probably try a play date with one of the kids from her class.

Her teacher signed her up for Title 1, so she can get some extra help one on one. Her teacher has told me she's tried many different ways to get her to open up with no success.

Thanks again to all that replied.

-mj

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