Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of big kids (5 to 8 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
I have a boy 6 (with some separate issues that are listed on my page) and a girl 8. I am a single Mom, so I raise them on my own. It seems that there is nothing I can do to get them to listen. If they happen to listen, I honestly think it is by accident... I can tell them over and over and over, send them to thier rooms, etc and as soon as they are out..... they are right back where they started. Here is the biggest thing right now:
I am able to work from home some of the time so often times, after they go to bed (about 9) I stay up for a few more hours working (bookkeeping) and this makes for a tired next morning. I would like to sleep in until 9:30 or so.... but they are up early. Thats fine, I know they are kids, however, they are old enough to respect that I am sleeping. I allow them to get up and watch cartoons, or 'play quietly" in their rooms, but they are sooooo disrespectful (the only word I can think of) they are loud, slamming doors, screaming and laughing at eachother..... Iam so feed up I am gonna make them stay in their beds until i get up.... haha like that would really happen. I explain I need to rest, they stop for a second. Worse, they will burst into my room at 8am "he took my crayon" I'm done. They are TOOO old for this. They disregarding what I request entirely.
What have you done in similar situations???? ANYTHING, PLEASE? lol
I am able to work from home some of the time so often times, after they go to bed (about 9) I stay up for a few more hours working (bookkeeping) and this makes for a tired next morning. I would like to sleep in until 9:30 or so.... but they are up early. Thats fine, I know they are kids, however, they are old enough to respect that I am sleeping. I allow them to get up and watch cartoons, or 'play quietly" in their rooms, but they are sooooo disrespectful (the only word I can think of) they are loud, slamming doors, screaming and laughing at eachother..... Iam so feed up I am gonna make them stay in their beds until i get up.... haha like that would really happen. I explain I need to rest, they stop for a second. Worse, they will burst into my room at 8am "he took my crayon" I'm done. They are TOOO old for this. They disregarding what I request entirely.
What have you done in similar situations???? ANYTHING, PLEASE? lol
(I have lupus and sometimes sleep makes all the difference.)
I wish I had some great advice. Maybe if they are quiet until a certain time, they can earn TV time from ___ to ___ before you wake? If they wake you before the quiet time is up for a non emergency, no TV at all (or whatever works best for you).
one thing I do is when my son doesn't listen, I'll say something he wants to hear (like "its' time for cookies) and he won't listen of course, so I have the first cookie alone, telling him if he's listened, he could be eating a cookie right now.
good luck.
One thing I tried for a while when I was desperately tired was quiet time in the afternoons. I would lie down, and they had to go in their rooms and do something quietly. If they stayed in, after quiet time they could do something they wanted to, like watch something or go bowling. Or, I would cook their favorite meal, or we'd have dessert before dinner. It helps to let them listen to audio stories.
I also found that it helped for me to explain that when I was tired, I had a lot less patience and was a lot less nice to them. I told them if I got more rest, I could say yes a lot more.
If they are morning people, maybe you have to shift things around to get the rest you need. One of mine is just a hard core morning person. I have to be up by 7 at the latest, as he is hungry, wants company, needs entertainment, wants to talk and talk....
that's your consequence. I'd give one warning. and then, BAM, consequence.
Hope it works for you.
Please check this web site for effects on yelling and hitting
http://www.alice-miller.com/index_en.php
I have two kids at home ages 6 and 5 and don't have this problems.
I talk to them and they respect what I say
I have found that the single mothers I work with in Public Health are tired and stretched thin, therefore they say things over and over and never follow through until they are totally stressed and freaked.
I only speak once. If my children don't listen they immediatly aquire a chore (load the dishwasher, trash, vacume, etc.). If the behavior continues, I take a privelige away. Once you make a threat you must follow through. If you yell out in anger for example that they are grounded from the tv for a week, not matter how painful it is for you, you must follow through. Once they learn you mean business, they will start listening.
Remember......you wont see results immideatly, it will take at least 27 days as it takes 27 days to break a bad habit.
Good luck and lots of hugz
Although i was spanked, hot, slapped as I grew up, for the most part I do not spank my children unless they have done something to put themselves in danger of some sort. My mother disagrees with this choise, probably because she was fine with hitting me. Instead of spanking I find that I do alot of talking and explaining consequences, etc. That is why sometimes I feel like I talk until I am blue in the face, unfortunately.
Wyatt-our goal bedtime is 8pm. Some nights we make it, but other nights it is closer to 8:45-9. Its difficult to get dinner prepped and cleaned up, homework, bathtime, reading, etc all done much earlier. Lately I have tried alternating, ie one is in the bath while I help the other with homework and cook dinner, then the other goes in the bath while I do homework with the other, etc and we read alltogether. This helps to cut time in half. I hear you about follow through. I need to work on this. I like the idea of telling them once and giving them a chore. That is not something I have tried before. Great idea. Thanks.
I really think, more important than talking to your kids is listening. Sometimes, even in gentle homes with no hitting or spanking or yelling, kids can feel like their feelings don't matter if they aren't listened to.
It might be a lot of work for you to implement, but the results might be worth the effort. Getting them both feelings journals and helping them write what they felt about their day just before they go to bed. At the very least it will be one on one time that will help them feel like they are getting more attention. Kids crave attention, it will make them feel really loved.
We have been role playing since she was 5 and it really helps them to see what you are talking about.
Or at a time they are really into a show you start acting like them,by the time the show is over they will get the point loud and clear.
My son and daughter were 12 months apart and they did that alot,fight cry etc... SO when I would get feed up I would ground them from talking to each other for the day. By the end of the day they were begging me to let them play or talk together.
Anyway just a few things to try.