OMG I totally know where your coming from, I felt like that a few months ago. I am in the process of a seperation with my ex. We broke up months ago but we still live together due to $. He will be moving out soon and things will change but I needed them to change sooner rather than later. I found myself constantly on the computer when I was home, constantly yelling when I knew I didn't need to be. All around just not happy. SO I decided I am the keeper of my happiness. My kids are reasonably good kids, no MAJOR issues, its not their fault I'm upset, I shouldn't take it out on them. I have made it a point to talk and listen to them, I TRY LIKE HELL not to yell when they whine (that gets me really bad). I tell my girls (mostly the 7 year old) that if she uses her big girl voice, I will listen if not she can go to her room until she can talk and I can listen.
You really have to just make a decision to NOT be this way anymore and change, something in your life is making you unhappy, if you don't know what it is, you need to try to adjust for your kids, if you do know what it is, try to change it or get rid of it so your not so miserable.
If your husband is frustrated with work, maybe encourage him to take a half hour when he gets home to go into the bedroom and read or shower and unwind. I personally don't think anyone should work any job they don't love, but I am realistic to the economy and being happy to just be employeed these days! But if his job makes him miserable, maybe he should be in constant search of one that he will like, and this is just his job in the meantime!
You can be sweet and nice, just take deep breaths and look at those little faces and realize thats not where your anger really is, your angry and upset about something else. When you figure that out, you will be at peace! Good luck!

I've heard that the book "Love and Logic" really works for people. I try to use humor. My kids will give me their attention when I start whipping out the knock-knock jokes, even if they don't make sense. When we get laughing, I start hating them less. Even if I'm putting up with bad jokes. Sometimes sweet isn't what they really need and it feels extra bad when you have to put the foot down. Know what I mean? Wish you the best!

don't feel too badly, I think there are a LOT of moms out there who feel like you do even if they don't always admit it. parenting is the hardest job on the planet.

I really like hanginOn's idea about humor. sometimes when my son is bugging the crap out of me and I want to change how I respond to him, I will try to match his crazy request with a crazy answer and instead of getting mad he doesn't get his way, he'll start laughing. gee, now if only I could remember to do that all the time ...

hang in there!

Do you talk to your husband during the day while he is at work?
I ask because my husband sets the mood and home....if he calls and is upset or aggitated I absorb it too and it makes me more sensitve to things that might be aggrivating to him when he gets home.....and that means Im on high alert all day just waiting for him to get home in a grumpy mood and feeling rather grumpy myself after a day of trying to make sure that there was no reason for anyone to be grumpy...
Its a viciouse circle.....the only advice I can give is to take abreak....lots of them....remind yourself that you are in control and you can handle it and its not a big deal.....take a deep breath and wipe the spegetti sauce off the ceiling and laugh at how high they were able to get it........only to yourself......I also like to colapse when things get too tense and Im about to lose it......I just fall on the floor and lay there....I dont talk and I dont listen and after a while my kids come around to see what is going on and I take the time to play with them for a few minutes even if I dont really feel like it......it seems to put the kids in a better mood which makes my day a little easier....just a few minutes of fun will tide them over for a while so I can get myself together and get on track again.....
Everyone loses it every once in a while even June Cleaver...

I know how hard it is my little girl wants everything she whines to and her grandma and grandpa spoiled her so badly that now she screams at me when I tell her no soda you have to drink water. I take a deep breath walk away for a minute firgure out how I am going to handle it and come back for me it has been a go threw it and learn thing and she it going to start school soon

It's hard to be patient when there is so much else going on in your life! Many times I feel the same way as you do, due to stress and life issues. I wish I could give you a better answer, but sometimes it helps just to know that you are not alone! :)

I don't know if there's really a perfect answer for any of us... as far as patience with kids goes... but I do know one thing: don't lose who you are. Do little things everyday that are just for you. It doesn't have to distract you from being a mommy, just 1 minute here and there to do something for you. Be it taking a minute to put a little makeup on, or buying a cute shirt for yourself while your out gettting school clothes. Anything small that reminds you that you ARE your own person, not just a mommy. That helps keep me sane and on the right track with my kiddos.