Paranoia Support Group
Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. It is often associated with psychotic illnesses, sometimes schizophrenia, although attenuated features may be present in other primarily non-psychotic diagnoses, such as paranoid personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.
Hi!
This is the first time I've posted here because I was scared of doing it before, but I feel like I should talk to someone about this before it gets worse.
So, basically, my mom has paranoia. I'm not going to call it anything else because I'm not sure what kind of disorder it really is; some doctors say it could be an advanced and atypical form of schitzophrenia, but they didn't treat her long enough, so I don't know.
I was in denial about it for most of my life. I'm an only child and my dad left when I was 10 because he couldn't deal with my mom anymore and he got very depressed.
Being entirely alone with her, it took me a long time to notice that our life wasn't the healthiest (I could never have friends over, nither of us had a social/romantic life...). I also overlooked the fact that she was constantly saying that her own mom and brother were trying to hurt her and that many people did bad things to her.
It wasn't until she started "talking to" the readio that everything began to "click". She told me that the radio was telling her things and that we were in danger of being killed by her brother's girlfriend and the mafia, so a flight had been arranged for us to leave the country.
This happened when I first started uni and had just turned 18.
She said I had to stop going to class (or I would die), pack a bag and wake up the next day at 4am so we could go.
Obviously, there was no flight really arranged for us and she told me to do the same about thee times. After that she said I should quit uni and stay in the house until everything was arranged.
I did everything she said because I felt scared and alone and, inside, I sort of wished it was all true so I could maybe have a life somewhere else.
Of course, it wasn't true and we stayed inside the house for a whole month, all alone.
After that she started going out, but my anxiety level was so high that I stayed in for more that 3 months. I was selfharming and detatched myself from reality.
Finally I found the strength to go out again and go to a different uni, where I learned how to act like everything was ok and now I'm in my third year.
My mom just got worse and I felt powerless and alone.
Last year my grand parents decided we couldn't be this kind of isolated family anymore and they did notice my mom's problem, so they talked to 3 different doctors.
They all said she should be hospitalized, but she got really angry and said everyone was trying to cover all the bad things they'd done and that she was fine and that we were all sick and really, really bad.
In the end nothing was solved, she is furious at me and now she won't say a word to me some days, other days she'll call me sick, or say that god won't ever forgive me.
I haven't had therapy or anyone to talk to and I feel so depressed and useless... Not even my mom cares about me and I have no close frends or a boyfriend. I have no relationship with my family and I don't know how long I can keep doing this.
The only thing I have are my good grades in uni.
Today I found out that my dad is in an asisted care center because he can't take care of himself anymore and he's been having halucinations... his mom had them as well...
My mom's sister has schitzophrenia, but accepts it and is being treated.
I still live alone with mom and I'm really scared of never being able to have a life and, even more, of becoming paranoid too...
Do I have a high risk of mental illness? what should I do?
Please help!!!
ps, now my mom thinks she is being poisoned. She thinks the water, coffee and a bunch of thing are being poisoned.
She insults me and others very often ans it makes me nervous and sad.
I'm scared of speaking or doing anything that might upset her.
This is the first time I've posted here because I was scared of doing it before, but I feel like I should talk to someone about this before it gets worse.
So, basically, my mom has paranoia. I'm not going to call it anything else because I'm not sure what kind of disorder it really is; some doctors say it could be an advanced and atypical form of schitzophrenia, but they didn't treat her long enough, so I don't know.
I was in denial about it for most of my life. I'm an only child and my dad left when I was 10 because he couldn't deal with my mom anymore and he got very depressed.
Being entirely alone with her, it took me a long time to notice that our life wasn't the healthiest (I could never have friends over, nither of us had a social/romantic life...). I also overlooked the fact that she was constantly saying that her own mom and brother were trying to hurt her and that many people did bad things to her.
It wasn't until she started "talking to" the readio that everything began to "click". She told me that the radio was telling her things and that we were in danger of being killed by her brother's girlfriend and the mafia, so a flight had been arranged for us to leave the country.
This happened when I first started uni and had just turned 18.
She said I had to stop going to class (or I would die), pack a bag and wake up the next day at 4am so we could go.
Obviously, there was no flight really arranged for us and she told me to do the same about thee times. After that she said I should quit uni and stay in the house until everything was arranged.
I did everything she said because I felt scared and alone and, inside, I sort of wished it was all true so I could maybe have a life somewhere else.
Of course, it wasn't true and we stayed inside the house for a whole month, all alone.
After that she started going out, but my anxiety level was so high that I stayed in for more that 3 months. I was selfharming and detatched myself from reality.
Finally I found the strength to go out again and go to a different uni, where I learned how to act like everything was ok and now I'm in my third year.
My mom just got worse and I felt powerless and alone.
Last year my grand parents decided we couldn't be this kind of isolated family anymore and they did notice my mom's problem, so they talked to 3 different doctors.
They all said she should be hospitalized, but she got really angry and said everyone was trying to cover all the bad things they'd done and that she was fine and that we were all sick and really, really bad.
In the end nothing was solved, she is furious at me and now she won't say a word to me some days, other days she'll call me sick, or say that god won't ever forgive me.
I haven't had therapy or anyone to talk to and I feel so depressed and useless... Not even my mom cares about me and I have no close frends or a boyfriend. I have no relationship with my family and I don't know how long I can keep doing this.
The only thing I have are my good grades in uni.
Today I found out that my dad is in an asisted care center because he can't take care of himself anymore and he's been having halucinations... his mom had them as well...
My mom's sister has schitzophrenia, but accepts it and is being treated.
I still live alone with mom and I'm really scared of never being able to have a life and, even more, of becoming paranoid too...
Do I have a high risk of mental illness? what should I do?
Please help!!!
ps, now my mom thinks she is being poisoned. She thinks the water, coffee and a bunch of thing are being poisoned.
She insults me and others very often ans it makes me nervous and sad.
I'm scared of speaking or doing anything that might upset her.
I am so very sorry for what you have been going through. My mom was mentally ill as well so I completely understand. Whatever she was mentally going through, I went through as well. I felt the same as you, as if my life didn't start until after my parents passed on, sadly. I don't say that cruelly- because I loved them very much. But it took me that long to see that we weren't really living.... just existing. My father was also abusive so the two together was like a 1-2 mortal combat combo punch to the cranium everyday. I spent my childhood looking at the ground as I walked around my house because it was "safer". I basically didn't think for "myself" up until they passed on... because of guilt and fear.
What I am trying to get at is, don't be like me and wait until she is gone before you start enjoying and living your life for yourself. You should feel no guilt for wanting to be on your own or living and thinking the way you want too.
I think you are a very cool person for taking care of her, it says a lot about you, even to a stranger. But it is very important to take care of your own mental health as well. It's very important. is there any way you could see a therapist ever so often? To help sort your thoughts and help keep your own mental health balanced when times get tough?
My heart really goes out to you, I just wanted you to know that. I think if you had proper help sorting through things, you could slowly over time find ways to loosen the string tied between you and your mom. It will take time but you need to enjoy your life and you deserve to enjoy it, and your own mental health depends on it.
many blessings
It gives me a bit of hope knowing about someone else who understands the "string" that's tied between me and my mom.
I feel just like that, like I can't enjoy life or do anything.
And rationally I know that I should live my life, but it feels wrong somehow to do so... It's frustrating.
Did you move out of your house before they passed on? Because I know I should move out soon, but I feel that it'd be impossible to do so.
And mom cancelled the phone line and her cellphone (almost cancelled mine too), so it would be really hard to keep in touch with her.
I know youre right and I have to live my own life soon, but it's so hard and scary.
Thank you very much!
And, I can go to therapy (I used to go 2 years ago), but my mom said I shouldn't go because all we wanted was to ruin her life and hurt her.
That way she doesn't know so her head doesn't get the chance to wander with the idea... stress free for her and stress relief for you my dear!
:D
Thanks :)
She doesn't talk to me or have lunch with me anymore... at all.
She says mean things at random, not to me, but while I'm around. She sais things like "such cowards" or "so much trash"
If I ask her about it she'll say "I'm not talking to you", but then as soon as I'm within earshot she'll say something to my dog like "you can come with me because you are not trash, like other people".
I'm so heartbroken by it because I know she means me when she says "trash" or other mean things.
She's the only person who ever loved me and now she just thinks I'm trash and won't talk to me.
I'm panicing and feeling entirely hopeless right now. It feels like I will never have a life and no one will ever care about me.
I really think you should see a psychiatrist/psychologist and talk about the situation and your fears. They can really be beneficial :).
My Mom is bi-polar and could one day be feeling great, and the next telling our family that we are all bad and going to hell. It hurts so much to experience things like that, but again, it is an illness. In the meantime, please continue to talk about this on here to help get things off your chest. *Huge hugs!!!*