Paranoia Support Group
Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. It is often associated with psychotic illnesses, sometimes schizophrenia, although attenuated features may be present in other primarily non-psychotic diagnoses, such as paranoid personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.
I am having a major issue currently and it is very specific. I have become paranoid that the police will arrest me. I have committed no crime but am currently on probation for a drug charge and am to be released from it on the 15th of this month. So anyone who is reading this understand that I am not using nor; Have I in many years
. My father was a psychologist and has fled the home with trust fund money's. I do not care in the least about the money. I can not trust my psychiatrist I believe he may have been payed off by my father. I am bi-polar and take 200MG's lamotrigine 100MG's in the morning and 100mg's at night. I also take 2mg's alprazolam in the morning and 2mg's at night. Lastly I take amitriptlin 200 MG's at night. (It makes me drowsy that is why I take it at night.) I take them all properly and have for two + years.
With the event/trigger of my father leaving in the middle of the night with a note and general cash and bills with notes on them. I have become extremely paranoid. I gave my probation officer both my home and cell numbers in printed out form so if needed he can contact me. I have disconnected the doorbell, Yet I hear it when the TV is on. I realize later when I go and check there is no one there. This is the first time I have ever had paranoid hallucinations. I believe that my neighbors are working against me. This is real though. They filed a zoning violation with the county over uncut grass and overgrowth with in the lawn. I have contracted a lawn service to fix it on the 6th. They have made it clear to me that they do not want me to live in my home and where surprised and happy that my father has fled over the mismanaged money. I can not confide in my DR. I do not trust him.
Background information so you are aware. When I was a child and became a problem my father would simply have me put into the children's ward. He was on staff there and also had all probation contracts with the county until they arrested him for double billing medicate/ medicare. From there they sent him to a federal prison camp in Oxford WI. When he got out I believe he started to clean the money and when that was gone I think he went though my trust fund. I do not care about the money as much as I should. I am living in terror that I will be arrested for something I have not done. I have but a few days and I can leave. I have no one that is trust worthy. When I dream they are night terrors every night; Along the lines of a no knock warrant being served looking for my father and detaining me to ask questions about him. I have made a bag with what I can find and have placed it at the front door containing all the information I can find on monies from him.
So it is clear I feel compelled to state that I am not using any drugs other than the one's that I am prescribed. Prior to that I was self medicating with heroin for years till I got on the psychotropics that do work; But I am now having this issue and do not know how to make it stop. I feel no need to use. The paranoia is overwhelming. This is all over me being the sole beneficiary of a trust that I did not even ask for. Yes what my father has done is criminal but I do not know what to do. I believe I have fallen into a paranoid psychosis. I repeatedly check for warrants online for myself. Nothing shows. I am afraid to go to the police. I do not trust them. I do not trust my probation officer but have told him that my father has left the home. He does not care in the least and see's me as just paper work for now anyway. I have liquidated large sums of sterling and gold around 3/4th of my collection. That is mine I bought it with my money I earned from work. I know that I am not seeing things clearly and I need advise as to what to do??
. My father was a psychologist and has fled the home with trust fund money's. I do not care in the least about the money. I can not trust my psychiatrist I believe he may have been payed off by my father. I am bi-polar and take 200MG's lamotrigine 100MG's in the morning and 100mg's at night. I also take 2mg's alprazolam in the morning and 2mg's at night. Lastly I take amitriptlin 200 MG's at night. (It makes me drowsy that is why I take it at night.) I take them all properly and have for two + years.
With the event/trigger of my father leaving in the middle of the night with a note and general cash and bills with notes on them. I have become extremely paranoid. I gave my probation officer both my home and cell numbers in printed out form so if needed he can contact me. I have disconnected the doorbell, Yet I hear it when the TV is on. I realize later when I go and check there is no one there. This is the first time I have ever had paranoid hallucinations. I believe that my neighbors are working against me. This is real though. They filed a zoning violation with the county over uncut grass and overgrowth with in the lawn. I have contracted a lawn service to fix it on the 6th. They have made it clear to me that they do not want me to live in my home and where surprised and happy that my father has fled over the mismanaged money. I can not confide in my DR. I do not trust him.
Background information so you are aware. When I was a child and became a problem my father would simply have me put into the children's ward. He was on staff there and also had all probation contracts with the county until they arrested him for double billing medicate/ medicare. From there they sent him to a federal prison camp in Oxford WI. When he got out I believe he started to clean the money and when that was gone I think he went though my trust fund. I do not care about the money as much as I should. I am living in terror that I will be arrested for something I have not done. I have but a few days and I can leave. I have no one that is trust worthy. When I dream they are night terrors every night; Along the lines of a no knock warrant being served looking for my father and detaining me to ask questions about him. I have made a bag with what I can find and have placed it at the front door containing all the information I can find on monies from him.
So it is clear I feel compelled to state that I am not using any drugs other than the one's that I am prescribed. Prior to that I was self medicating with heroin for years till I got on the psychotropics that do work; But I am now having this issue and do not know how to make it stop. I feel no need to use. The paranoia is overwhelming. This is all over me being the sole beneficiary of a trust that I did not even ask for. Yes what my father has done is criminal but I do not know what to do. I believe I have fallen into a paranoid psychosis. I repeatedly check for warrants online for myself. Nothing shows. I am afraid to go to the police. I do not trust them. I do not trust my probation officer but have told him that my father has left the home. He does not care in the least and see's me as just paper work for now anyway. I have liquidated large sums of sterling and gold around 3/4th of my collection. That is mine I bought it with my money I earned from work. I know that I am not seeing things clearly and I need advise as to what to do??
There are some mental help lines that you can call, which are very anonymous. Check the computer for listings around where you are (these can really help a lot!!)
You may need to take more medication, as it sounds like what you are currently taking may not be enough.
Why would you not trust the police? Also, why do you not trust your probation officer?
I know that not trusting is classic for paranoia, but I want you to really think deep down about why you feel you cannot trust these people. Have they done things to hurt you in the past or are you just worried that they may hurt you in some way now?
Remind yourself that you have a mental illness, which skews your perception of people.
I know that you are scared, but you really need to get some help with this.
Did you have problems during childhood because of abuse and or trauma? Has your father done something to you?
Also, I would go to a therapist, not just a doctor. Therapists will just talk to you and let you talk. They do not report anything unless you are going to kill yourself, someone else, (
So, everything you say to a therapist you can say with trust. They want to help you. They aren't like psychiatrists. I know your dad was a psychologist, so he was a therapist then? If so, I can see why you wouldn't want to trust therapists either. I would reccomend finding a female therapist, and keeping in mind that most of them are good people.
If you don't trust your psychiatrist, maybe you can switch so you can feel safer about going and not worry about things with your dad with them.
Do you have any local resources to help you find a therapist? Do you have anything like case management? Are there social workers in your area? I really think you should find a good therapist so you have someone you can trust and talk things through with.
About your probation officer, if you were done with him this past 15th thats awesome! And keep in mind that those people dont care about you or want to help you. To look for help you don't want to look towards probabtion officers, but maybe a therapist or caseworker.