You can choose whether or not to "buy-in" to their addictive demands. It's just "their" programing and they probably can't help it, since you know what to expect you can stock up on patience. Good Luck / Gil

try reading these to yourself everyday

Personal Bill of Rights

1. I have the right to ask for what I want.

2. I have the right to say no to requests or demands I cant meet.

3. I have the right to express all of my feelings, positive or negative.

4. I have the right to change my mind.

5. I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.

6. I have the right to follow my own values and standards.

7. I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.

8. I have the right to determine my own priorities.

9. I have the right not to be responsible for others behaviour, actions, feelings, or problems

10. I have the right to expect honesty from others.

11. I have the right to be angry at someone I love.

12. I have the right to be uniquely myself.

13. I have the right to fell scared and say Im afraid.

14. I have the right to say I dont know.

15. I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behaviour.

16. I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.

17. I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.

18. I have the right to be playful and frivolous.

19. I have the right to be healthier than those around me.

20. I have the right to be in a nonabusive environment.

21. I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.

22. I have the right to change and grow.

23. I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.

24. I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.

25. I have the right to be happy.

First of all I would try to address some of this stuff with your parents BEFORE they arrive, I would jsut let them know how they make you feel and that you will not be putting up with it whether they are your parents or not you are still a human being and if they cant contribute to your life in a positive way then you will need to take steps to prepare. Maybe have a friend over for support when they arrive, think of ways to protect yourself and find strength, and then do what you need to do. Good luck and God bless.

I belong to a support group called Recovery inc.We are givin tools to help us. So I thought I would tell you a few that might help you thru having your parents visit . I have a real tough time with my Mom and alot of these help me.
1.)If you can't change a situation you can change your attitude towards it,
2.)Comfort is a want not a need,
3.)Every act of self-control leads to a sense of self-respect,
4.)Decide,plan, and act,
5.)Anticipation is often worse than realization,
6.)Replace an insecure thought with a secure thought,
7.)Self-appointed expectations lead to self-induced frustrations,
8.)People do things that annoy us,not necessarily to annoy us,
Hopefully these might help a little

Tarns, I love the personal bill of rights. I copied it in word. Thanks. K9Linda, use the personal bill of rights it is a great idea from Tarns.
Well, you already know your parents are critical so you know what to expect. Maybe humor them by saying your right...drive them crazy with kindness...even though you feel they are not right. But it will give you control not them. As for your father, in one ear and out the other, believe in yourself. And know it will only be a short visit. It is your home so be comfortable in it. You know you can always ask them to leave, take control of your castle. It is easier said then done but enought of the abuse, you don't have to be a victim, parents or not. Use the personal bill of rights.

Some of my family have always been critical, and it is hard to deal with. I understand. You just have to shut it out and realize you have other people in your life who will not make you feel that way. You should def stick up for yourself and say something.

Thank you all who responded to my post! It is most appreciated and I will use/try all of the suggestions. When my father gets really angry (after the yelling and belittling), if he feels you're not listening to him, if you walk away, if you stand up to him or if you try to lighten the conversation it really pisses him off and he has no quams about physically hurting me. For God's sake! I'm 47 years old and he treats me like I'm 6! I've discussed my panic and anxiety with both of my parents and they just laugh and blow it off. They think I can just flip a switch and turn it off! They make a joke of it. Of course my mother says: "If you'd eat right, sleep right, and get rid of those damn animals, you wouldn't have any problems." Anything I do good they cut me down for...great for the self-esteem, huh?! NOT! I would love to be able to stand in front of my dad when he started calling me names and belittling me and say: "STOP IT! If you don't like what I'm doing, what I've done or the way I run my life then just get the hell away from me and go home! Don't ever come back! You have bullied me for 47 1/2 years and I'm not going to allow you to do it anymore!" I feel better typing that, but in reality, I would never be able to do that due to the physical repercussions that would result. So, how many of you can I count on to come visit me for about 5 days?...I need some serious backup! LOL

Thank you again to all of you!

the backup you have is right here on ds when you need us I speak for myself and I'm sure others will be here for you too .... I am an overly sensitive person who grew up with a father who was always yelling ... it didn't feel good and it did have an effect (or is it affect?) on my mind ... just remember it's there junk not yours, stay firm, detach yourself visually in your mind if things get bad ... getting into a debate doesn't work, how I know that ... use little things to help yourself thru this .... post little words where you can see them, like I am good enough, or release, little triggers that will keep you from getting into the dance with your parents .... I know it's not easy but only you can decide to what depth you're willing to dance this routine with them ....

I hope everything goes well for you. I have issues with my mum - she can be very critical but doesn't mean too - do you know what I mean? She will hurt me by the things she says, but she doesn't think before she opens her mouth and when I try to talk to her about it she gets all hurt and starts to emotionally blackmail me. "Look at everything I do for you" is one of her favourite lines, and she gets hurt and upset very easily, but doesn't mind doing it to me. This is just her nature so instead of getting upset about it I just learnt to deal with it instead.

Love the Personal Bill of Rights by the way! There is some great advice here, sorry I can't be of more help.

My dad is afraid of my German shepherd (Thor-my avitar picture) so I'm thinking I should have Thor beside me every minute that they're here. My boy Thor would not allow my dad to get too close to me as he is very protective of me. :) Will keep everyone here posted as to how it's going after they arrive.

My family used to be critical of everything I did in my life. That caused a lot of panic and anxiety for me. I used to argue with them. That never helped. Just made me feel worse! As years passed, they are proud of me now. They aren't critical of what I do or how I live. I love the Bill of Rights!! You have the right to be treated with respect and dignity! You're a wonderful person who is struggling to survive in this world. Your parents should be very proud of you. Put up your shit shield. Pretend you have a plastic shield in front of you, and when the words start happening, let them hit the shit shield. Let the shit just flow down to the bottom and flow out onto the floor. I was taught this. It seemed to work for me. I had to be strong to do this. I pray that your visit goes well, and you stick up for yourself!!

animals are very smart, Thor can probably sense something when they're around .....

Three cheers for the personal bill of rights!!! I am so sorry you have to go through this but you ARE NOT ALONE! You have a new family right here on DS and you can count on us to be there for you. I will be channeling my strenghth to you as I think of you everyday. I pray that these next days will fly by quickly and that there will be no chances to get physical. There are a lot of good suggestions here and I know that they will help you through. God Bless You

it sounds like your parents arnt doing you any favours i agree with OnTheRoad you should distance yourself from them, i mean its bad enough when regular people are like this but no matter how you feel about your parents you will always take there words more seriously, and this is damaging you on there visit on the first day you need to talk to them if that fails then start distincing yourself from them, and remember you need to tell yourself your better than them.

I had a whole comment written the other night but lost it and just didn't have the energy to re-do it that night so here I go again....

I would like to thank all of you for your suggestions and support! It means a lot and I greatly appreciate it.

I printed out the personal bill of rights!

I also like the "shit" shield idea! LOL

I can never ever argue with them for fear of the physical outcome I would incur from my dad. I have to walk on eggshells when they're here and hope that nothing happens to set him off into a rage. He's the only one who can bring me to tears within seconds.

Thanks Melly, appreciate your input!

Ross--I have two older sisters and two younger brothers. Three of my siblings live in other states and one of my sisters lives by me so I can take care of her (she has MS and is deaf). None of the other family members want anything to do with her or her care. My father told me that she's my problem and says he does not want him or my mom to care for her. I've been taking care of her now for 5 years. The funny thing is that my sister called me today and said she had prayed three times that "mom and dad change their minds and don't come to visit". How sad is that?!? She's even got cognitive memory loss and she can remember that he's not a nice person. In fact, we call him "The BIG green monster"! LOL

Amber--Thank you for your support! You're a real sweetie! I will be awaiting the channel of strength you'll be sending my way!

isa--Unfortunately, there is no talking to them...have tried that before and it makes things worse. I end up being called crazy and that my panic and anxiety issues are all in my head and are not real. In the past I have printed off so much information for them to read so they could understand what I've been dealing with but my mom will scan read it and my dad won't read it at all. It's very difficult to distance myself from them because I work my job from home and then I also have to care for my sister. I know I am a better person than they are. I would never even think of treating a total stranger the way they treat me. It's just down right cruel!