10July12 3:48am
Why is there always a down after a good time? I can take the small valleys and hills no problem. But everytime I have a good day, SOMETHING BAD happens. Lately it's been fighting with my husband.
Since I got sick, he's struggled with it. As I'm sure everyone does. The problem is that when I got too sick to work, he had to grow up fast and find a full time job for the first time in a long time. Had to be responsible and grown up. He hates it. Don't we all?
So I struggle to fill in the holes. Struggle to do chores and errands. And it costs me. I don't get to do fun things often because I'm trying to hold the house together. And I'm invisible and all my work is invisible.
The problem is that he feels because he works hard now (7 days/week), that's the only REAL work that's going on. Since I can "sleep as late as I want" (which he did for 13 years!), that if and when I work when I get up, it doesn't count as much.
And he thinks I make up work. That it doesn't REALLY have to be done. I'm just too obsessed. If he lived in my body for ONE MINUTE, he would know what a foolish thing that is. I've pared down to the bare essentials. And the work was always done when I was working 70-80 hours/week. I just did it on top of my other jobs.
I mean, doesn't the house need to be vacummed and dusted? Doesn't the microwave and toaster oven need cleaning more than once every TEN YEARS? Don't you need to throw out old food? Dishes? Laundry? All the things I did in passing now are HUGE MOUNTAINS I have to climb.
And instead of a thank you, he criticizes me. I'm not asking for a prize, just acknowledgement. But HE'S the only one REALLY working, so what I do doesn't count.
He's forgotten all the things he had to do that I've taken on. Doctors visits, pharmacy, compost, trash, kitty litter, etc. along with ALL the housework. It's killing me. And he doesn't even NOTICE.
I feel INVISIBLE. I am no longer a real person. I am just a walking DISEASE. Bad day.