Pancreatitis Support Group
Chronic pancreatitis can present as episodes of acute inflammation in a previously injured pancreas, or as chronic damage with persistent pain or malabsorption. Patients with chronic pancreatitis can present with persistent abdominal pain or steatorrhea, as well as severe nausea. Some patients with chronic pancreatitis often look very sick, while others don't appear to be...
10July12 3:48am
Why is there always a down after a good time? I can take the small valleys and hills no problem. But everytime I have a good day, SOMETHING BAD happens. Lately it's been fighting with my husband.
Since I got sick, he's struggled with it. As I'm sure everyone does. The problem is that when I got too sick to work, he had to grow up fast and find a full time job for the first time in a long time. Had to be responsible and grown up. He hates it. Don't we all?
So I struggle to fill in the holes. Struggle to do chores and errands. And it costs me. I don't get to do fun things often because I'm trying to hold the house together. And I'm invisible and all my work is invisible.
The problem is that he feels because he works hard now (7 days/week), that's the only REAL work that's going on. Since I can "sleep as late as I want" (which he did for 13 years!), that if and when I work when I get up, it doesn't count as much.
And he thinks I make up work. That it doesn't REALLY have to be done. I'm just too obsessed. If he lived in my body for ONE MINUTE, he would know what a foolish thing that is. I've pared down to the bare essentials. And the work was always done when I was working 70-80 hours/week. I just did it on top of my other jobs.
I mean, doesn't the house need to be vacummed and dusted? Doesn't the microwave and toaster oven need cleaning more than once every TEN YEARS? Don't you need to throw out old food? Dishes? Laundry? All the things I did in passing now are HUGE MOUNTAINS I have to climb.
And instead of a thank you, he criticizes me. I'm not asking for a prize, just acknowledgement. But HE'S the only one REALLY working, so what I do doesn't count.
He's forgotten all the things he had to do that I've taken on. Doctors visits, pharmacy, compost, trash, kitty litter, etc. along with ALL the housework. It's killing me. And he doesn't even NOTICE.
I feel INVISIBLE. I am no longer a real person. I am just a walking DISEASE. Bad day.
Why is there always a down after a good time? I can take the small valleys and hills no problem. But everytime I have a good day, SOMETHING BAD happens. Lately it's been fighting with my husband.
Since I got sick, he's struggled with it. As I'm sure everyone does. The problem is that when I got too sick to work, he had to grow up fast and find a full time job for the first time in a long time. Had to be responsible and grown up. He hates it. Don't we all?
So I struggle to fill in the holes. Struggle to do chores and errands. And it costs me. I don't get to do fun things often because I'm trying to hold the house together. And I'm invisible and all my work is invisible.
The problem is that he feels because he works hard now (7 days/week), that's the only REAL work that's going on. Since I can "sleep as late as I want" (which he did for 13 years!), that if and when I work when I get up, it doesn't count as much.
And he thinks I make up work. That it doesn't REALLY have to be done. I'm just too obsessed. If he lived in my body for ONE MINUTE, he would know what a foolish thing that is. I've pared down to the bare essentials. And the work was always done when I was working 70-80 hours/week. I just did it on top of my other jobs.
I mean, doesn't the house need to be vacummed and dusted? Doesn't the microwave and toaster oven need cleaning more than once every TEN YEARS? Don't you need to throw out old food? Dishes? Laundry? All the things I did in passing now are HUGE MOUNTAINS I have to climb.
And instead of a thank you, he criticizes me. I'm not asking for a prize, just acknowledgement. But HE'S the only one REALLY working, so what I do doesn't count.
He's forgotten all the things he had to do that I've taken on. Doctors visits, pharmacy, compost, trash, kitty litter, etc. along with ALL the housework. It's killing me. And he doesn't even NOTICE.
I feel INVISIBLE. I am no longer a real person. I am just a walking DISEASE. Bad day.
As much as I would like to "husband bash"..I know that will not help.
I am just a mom with a child who has cp....there were some times throughout the years when I did wonder If he could do more, if he should do more....but when I see him in the hospital looking like a holocaust survivor not able to eat , throwing things across the hospital room screaming "You dont know what its like to be in MY body!" Its times like that when I do realize that I will never know...and I need to trust his lead...it has been 5 years, and I have finally come to realize just about 1/4th of what he must feel. And I do take his lead....he is 17....he applied for ONLY ONE summer job..and did not get it...will I force him to do more? IN the past maybe I would have.....now? NO WAY......
I say all this to say.... that your husband really has no idea about your pain , your body, your feelings.....and wish I had a magic wand to fix all these things....but all I can offer you is my prayers, and for you to know that you are not alone......
Would your husband be interested in reading about the lives of the ppl with cp on this forum? Or would he be interested in talking to any of the men on here? Troy or Lloyd?
This would help him understand somewhat.....
Isnt it nice to have a place to vent? :)
If you are a believer, and are interested in the most awesome Christian Counseling Web site that is free..... let me know ....
Sheila
Diane
Your welcome Troy lol hahahahaha
lovingly
Sheila
My only advice: Do what you can do today, the rest can wait. The dishes will still be there tomorrow.
Hope you are pain free today....
Amanda
My biggest frustration is not knowing when I am going to feel like going somewhere or doing a certain task. I make plans, then I get up feeling horrible. I can quickly get down on those days. I want to do all the things I used to do, and I have a hard time not feeling like it. Happy days coming your way.
Heather
Once again, you have offered me comfort when I didn't think there was anyway to feel better! Thank you for all your advice and the joking. It helps a lot.
Usually I'm such a positive person and very stable. But since I had to go on disability I'm feeling lost. My job as a college professor (Math) defined me more than I thought. And even tho I still get a decent paycheck thro disabiity, I feel worthless. I'm trying to redefine who I am but it's soooo excruciatingly hard.
I don't mean to husband bash either. I know he's a good man and has his flaws. Just right now his flaws are on display all the time. It's been a rocky few years for sure with him searching for few jobs.
I guess what hurts the most is when he just complains about anything I do. He doesn't want me to talk, ask questions, tell him about my day. It's like he just wants me to disappear. I've even told him he should so divorce me and find someone NOT broken. He refuses to even consider it. Which tells me he's a GOOD man, mostly, which is more than many have.
I usually am online everyday but I've been so down it's hard to even get on the computer. And I'm going thro a bad spell. BEWARE MEN: Female stuff coming! I also had my period for the first time in 20 MONTHS and I"m sure that must be making me more emotional. Even tho I'm hoping it's a good thing. That my body is getting back to normalish.
I'll stop now. But for your time and energy, I send back HUGE appreciation! Thank you for catching me on this free fall. TTFN Nibbor aka Robbin (get it?)
First, thank you for taking the time to bother to give me a piece of your mind. I do appreciate it! Talk about TOUGH LOVE! Wow. You sure don't pull your punches.
But some of what you said is true. My husband has been taken care of all his life - first by his parent, then by me. We've been together 14 years now. He worked part time at home on Ebay and focused on writing his novel. The idea was he'd get rich and I"d retire and get my shot at doing my stuff! Well, that was the dream. But I never got my shot and he didn't use his chance well. He SAID he worked hard and he did, but not like he has to now. He never needed a clean house, so why would he now amidst all the other stresses? Good question.
I know it's hard for the spouses and others who are in a CP's life. In fact, I spend more time listening to people worry about him than me. Since I tend to worry a lot about him too, it's ok mostly. But sometimes it has to be about me!
Most of our disagreements are about taking responsibility. Having to deal with that and my CP at the same time is tough. I get it. But what are the options? Divorce? We're not going there, hopefully even tho I suggested it several times out of guilt! You just have to wake up and smell the coffee. And deal with it.
Well, I have other comments to make back but don't want to bore the rest of the pack. You so need to friend me so we can chat! Someone suggested my hubby talking to you or some other guys for another perspective. Don't know if you or he would do such a thing but maybe it would help?
I try hard to take the good things in life and focus on them. I'm an optimist at heart, or at least a realist. I'm grateful that I don't have worse. I'm grateful for my dog. I'm grateful for each day (most days). But I'm no SAINT. Even I have my breaking point. And this distance between us and the constant criticism from my husband is breaking me. I wish he would open his eyes and notice. I try to talk, leave notes, be funny, understanding, etc. But if someone is set on putting their head in the sand, they're an ostrich and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Grrr. Guess I still have some bitching left in me yet! Sorry.
Ta to all. Hoping tomorrow is a better day. I'll watch for the good things that must be coming my way. Nibbor