I do. Just went through two hours of ranting, crying, swearing and more and finally my 12 year old went to school. It's not you and you are not alone.

I'm so glad I'm not alone. Thank you for sharing. I also have a 17 year old son and your account sounds very much like our life.

I'm brand new to this site but I've been searching for a while for support groups in my area and haven't found anything today I've decided to branch out and find ppl who understand from all over the Internet.

My son is about to turn 10 and I knew something was different about him from the time he was a small baby. He was inconsolable at times and with no medical reason why I just felt like we didn't bond. I feel a bond to him, no matter how far he pushes me I know I love him.
He's been in and out of different therapies and programs and even an inpatient stay at 6 years old. I don't know what to do to help him. People keep saying look how far we've come but all I can see is where we still are. All these years and he still acts like he's a spoiled kid. I don't give him everything he wants, only what he needs and I try to stay in control but sometimes I get so tired of arguing.
Why is it that we have the routine down yet he still throws a fit about doing things we do every day? 30-40 minute of arguing about what time he wants to take his meds when I've said now. He has to escalate every thing to where someone is screaming.

I've just been on this site today and I've seen so many people living the same life I am. Apart from his bio dad since he was 3. Found someone who accepts my kid and marries me and we want to start a family but we fight so much about my son. I'm terrified of having another child because I might have to do this all over again. It's no life to wish on anyone.

So glad I've found a group who understands that we aren't horrible people; I love children., but dealing with this challenge everyday takes its toll.

I cannot believe I am not alone. I'm sitting here reading all these stories, nodding my head enthusiastically. You are all describing my life. My son is 13. He started getting into lots of trouble in preschool at the age of 3. Last night was really bad. It ended in me putting my hand through his window. Today I ran into an acquaintance who shared with me that his son has serious issues. Right away we realize that his kid has the same illness as my son...ODD. We sat in Home Depot and talked for 2 hours. The parallels were staggering. Now I see that there ARE in fact people who understand. No one else gets my life, I feel like I'm in prison. I wanted to die so badly last night, my desperation is out of hand. My son leaves on Sunday to stay with my parents for the summer because I can't take it anymore. I'm scared for them. Sometimes I can't help but hate him. I hate this life and I feel like there's no help. This group is a start. My stomach is constantly in knots. I also suffer from depression and PTSD and his behavior makes it all so much worse. I'm so grateful to not feel completely alone anymore. (Although I will echo a comment from above--I'm also so sad that everyone else on here is dealing with this shit)

I know exactly how all of you are feeling: the walking on eggs, the child who is angry and irritable all the time, the way they take their anger out on siblings and pets - I have also wished I could "divorce my child". My late husband and I used fight all the time when my son behaved badly: he would want to take the "good old fashioned discipline" approach, I would want to protect the child we love. I have to say that being widowed, while on the one hand is extremely challenging, at least there are only my rules and I'm not fighting a spouse who doesn't believe in ODD and ADD. I am constantly having to protect my younger child and the dog who "breathes too loudly"!! It is exhausting. I have started seeing a therapist to have someone to offload on: it's vital for the care givers of kids like this. And I have read and read and researched, to educate myself on the condition, so that I can try and approach my child with empathy: I can see he's just as miserable as I am - he's his own worst enemy. We have been to a psychiatrist who insisted that he go onto Concerta, at the right dose, and that we couple that with family therapy to learn to identify triggers that set off his rages, and that he learns how his behaviour impacts the family. The psychiatrist said after years of getting into trouble because of his unmedicated ADD, he has developed ODD.
All the literature says you have to connect with your child to correct your child. And with ODD it is SO hard to find anything to connect about: they are disruptive, cruel, aggressive. It's been a really slow process: the Concerta has definitely taken the rage edge off, and if he's getting his own way, he's happy to oblige with house chores. Both the psychiatrist and psychologist said that to protect myself and my daughter, we must pick as few battles as possible. So on many of the battles I have given up - they said once he has developed a connection with me again, I will be able to slowly introduce responsibilities again. And he "screws up" so often - it's really difficult to find positives to compliment him on. The psychologist said try and find a few positive things every day, that you can comment on to him. She also said I HAVE to ignore the bad behaviour whenever possible, and applaud the good. (do you KNOW how hard it is, when you grew up never hearing swearing, to be sworn at by your 15 year old?!) But that's what you have to do - every day you have to let slide - very importantly, walk away from, the bad behaviour when it's in the early stages, so that it doesn't escalate and find something good in them. That coupled with the Concerta and an anti-depressant, Cipralex, and time, helps to build a bond again. And for us it's working - very very slowly! The psychiatrist said it will take about two years! So basically the situation is a family one - we have to learn not to respond and to diffuse potential situations before they escalate into the rages, and my son to learn how his behaviour impacts on others and mostly, he has to learn how to manage his frustration and impulsivity (eg saying hideous things to express their frustration/ embarassment/disappointment etc) and to express it in less destructive ways.

I thank you all for sharing your stories. They do sound very similar to mines. And they echo the frustrations too. I love my son but I sometimes hate him too. I sometimes can't believe the drama. It all seems like a terrble nightmare, everyday. I sometimes sedretly wish I could just disappear but I know that I have to have hope, even if it's a tiny glimmer of hope. Yes, I cry a lot too and feel maybe I should start seeing a psych too. My son has adhd/odd/general anxiety disorder. When he started Prozac/Strattera/Riperidal, his aggression got worst. These drugs CAN make aggression/anger worst. So now I'm slowly trying to taper him off the Prozac. But please never try to taper your child off meds or go cold turkey without doctor guidance, especially with psychotropic drugs. He also just started neurofeedback so not sure if this could help as it's too early to tell. It's also expensive. I sometimes feel like my health is going downhill and just unhappy in general. But I can't give up. It is painfully hard, everyday. The only escape is the very little sleep I have, if you want to call it sleep. I feel for all of you. And eventhough I don't know any of you, I love you all. We can get through this. We must not give up hope. You're all stronger than you realize. Hugs and Kisses.

I am very sorry for all of our suffering. Ourselves and our children suffer from the scourge of ODD. My son is now ten and it is a daily struggle to deal with his ODD behaviors. We have tried therapy, medication which works for the ADD. I have been looking for answers since he was 5 years old. We have made some progress but it is very slow. I just have to vent, got frustrated today, taking a time out for myself. God Bless all of us struggling and I pray for a cure. Hang in there, everyone

I know this is an older post, but I just completely relate to everything you've said. We are always against a wall with out daughter because there is literally no punishment that has any effect on her. Take away all possessions? So what. Take away room? Who cares. Remove all electronics from the house and have her do chores all day? Well then the joke is on me because she purposely breaks things and makes more messes that I have to clean up. Talk to her until I am crying and blue in the face? Haha mom, you're so lame! It is just like you said - a warzone. I have taken away field trips, sleep overs, birthday parties...and every time I have felt so horrible, but ultimately I feel like it's the right thing to do. We cannot reward horrible behavior, and knowing that my daughter can "turn on" her angel behavior at will to manipulate people outside of our home, I know she could have behaved the bare minimum amount of good to earn the field trip or sleep over. Big hugs to you, I hope that things have gotten better for you!

Yes, someone gets it! I went to bed and woke up saying to myself "What next"? No parent should have to go through this. The daily struggle of trying to figure out when your child is going to get it. My son is 17 too. No matter what we do, no matter how much we tell him, take away, it isn't enough to change the behaviors. I took his car from him because I caught him sneaking out at 1:30 in the morning. So now he is rude, nasty and or won't talk to me at all. He won't call into work to get his schedule because "we want him to". How insane is it to think you are hurting us when you lose your job!?!? The job that YOU wanted so badly! So him not having his car, not going to work, losing his job, not having money, staying out past curfew are all my faul!?!?. If I knew 17 plus years ago that this would be my story I would've NEVER had kids. No one can tell me I don't mean that! The pain of a broken heart is too much to bare. I get no happiness from this kid. As a parent you work to give your child opportunities you didn't have and to have a kid make you regret it....there are no words to express that feeling. I regret getting him a car and there are very very few things I do for him, with him that I don't regret. God forgive me but prayer isn't working. I hate being home and when I am not home, I am delivering an Oscar winning performance covering up my true feelings and my real life.. I ask myself all the time what could I have done differently to change the way my life is. Once he is done being angry he will get depressed, but I will be stuck picking up the pieces, helping him find a new job, giving him money etc. How can you treat the person that has your back with such vehemence and disdain and apathy? Through All his dissapointments and or successes it somehow ends up being my fault. SMH! I have heard it all, from I hate being here (in my head me too), I can't wait to move out (me too), when I move out you are never going to see me (wow), when I turn 18 I am never going to be here (ok you are never here now)....and on and on and on. This from a person that has never been abused physically or emotionally and has never wanted for anything! Loving and living with someone with Mental illness is worst than anything anyone could ever imagine. Anytime the sick person could convince you that something is wrong with you, you know it is powerful! I have not been able to write any of this without crying. All because YOU can't follow the rules, and YOU want no consequences something is wrong with me! I just wish I knew when will this pain ever end. I need something to look forward to. Where is my happiness? At a time when we should be getting ready to visit colleges and plan a graduation party I am praying he graduates, and looking into video cameras so I know when he left the house and with who! Unfortuantely, I could go on forever about how broken I am, but in the end yes I get it, got it!