Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...

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ammodd 10/25/2016

I'm new here. I haven't read enough posts to know everyone's story, nor do I have it in me to explain the breadth of mine at the moment. But, I could write a very long and extensive book on my experiences. My son is 17 and today I'm feeling the last 17 years of parenting him. He's in his senior year and I had to take away Homecoming today, he deserved that punishment ten times over, but still I feel like the worst parent that ever walked the planet. It's heartbreaking to love and despise someone so much. He was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD in pre-school and I've spent the last 17 years trying to tell everyone who has value in my life that it's a real thing (you know cause all kids push boundaries and have trouble focusing). But I always find that there are no words that adequetly justify the warzone that is my life. It's iscolating, heartbreaking, hard and takes everything I have to keep standing upright. Luckily, I have a very, very understanding partner who sees it up close and I can talk to him and he gets it - but to have this be your kid and to carry this weight for this long is a challenge (to say the least).

The most recent wave of his behavior began Thursday by yesterday I was overwhelmed (understating that, but I can't find the right word). Then, I made the mistake of attempting to talk to well-meaning parents who don't live in the same universe as me. Seems like when I do that I hear things like "oh heck no that would never happen in my house, you should (fill in the blank)" - "Have you tried taking everything away?" - "What about making him leave the house? - Maybe he has a food allergy" - "Sounds like my nephew, you should (fill in the blank)" - "What about rewarding him?" - You should try (fill in the blank)..." When I say thank you, they can sense my resistance and now it's about my "bad" parenting and unwillingness to get help, but I know different. So I do my best to end the conversation, take a walk and a deeep, deeep breath and brush it off - they didn't know they wern't helping and they reaalllly meant to be supportive. They don't understand that before 8:00 in the morning, I've dealt with more challenges and difficult choices then most parents will deal with in a week or more. A person can only take so much. Then my son struck again...last night and again this morning...

Someone gets it right?

Hunbrog 10/26/2016

My son is 15 , our life is chaos most days I just try to breathe through it. I understand everything you're saying. Unfortunately for our household it is taking a huge effect on our marriage. I searched almost every day on the internet trying to find somebody in our area to help us there has to be some sort of resources I keep thinking. This is my first day on this site and in this group and I'm crying right now, just knowing our family is not alone.

ammodd 10/26/2016

I don't know how to make you feel better. I know there is very little that does that for me. I looked for this site because I needed to know that this burden isn't mine to bear alone. I need to talk to people who start from the same place of understanding, talking to parents of kids without this issue is only another uphill climb, there is no way to get this unless you live it. I cry most days out of complete frustration, hopelessness and worry for my son's future. I feel angry that his choices cause this much trauma in the lives of our entire family. Even though I wish there weren't others, it would be nice to not feel so isolated and alone.

Hunbrog 10/26/2016

You're not alone...I just wish I could just breath. I am so scared for him, he is so smart. I sometimes think horrible things about him, then cry because this is my child that I do love. The outbursts are getting so rampant, what scares me is he's getting bigger and bigger physically. We have tried everything we have read, therapy, adhd meds. Nothing has worked I feel so desperate nobody around us understands they just think we have a bad child. And there are times I do see that loving kid that I used to know. And I miss him terribly.

ammodd 10/26/2016

Sounds like you could be living my life. What area are you from?

Hunbrog 10/26/2016

South Carolina

ammodd 10/26/2016

I'm in Washington State.

Hunbrog 10/26/2016

Where are u

Hunbrog 10/26/2016

One thing that breaks my heart so much as I have an almost 18 year old. And my 15 year old has taken so much effort in our time that my oldest feels forgotten, and alone. So now I have two Angry Kids for different reasons I just don't understand why there's not something else there that can help I've done what they've told me to do and it hasn't worked. And I'm so tired of the advice I could throw up. So I've started not even talking about it. I know I need to get help myself because I'm about to go insane. I am so glad I found this site that I could throw all of this out there and somebody gets it.

oddmom 11/10/2016

http://www.thefamilythathealstogether.com/oppositional-defiant-disorder-treatment-holistic-approach/

Give this blog a read.

brokenm0m 11/12/2016

I get it. I want to run away from my kid every day. I want to divorce him the same way I did his dad, but I can't. And then I hate myself for feeling that way, for having those thoughts. My life has been about nothing but my don since he was born. I'be basically lost or given up everything for him. He's only 12, but as tall as I am now (5'2") and he likes to physically fight with me. He gets out of control & destroys my things, attacks me & our dogs. He's argumentative at every word I speak & disrespectful. Sometimes I think about killing us both.

jersey4ever 11/14/2016

brokenmom - please if you are serious that you consider killing your child and yourself reach out to your state/county child services team. Hopefully you were just venting... but if not get help - there are resources in most states. Maybe some inpatient care might help your child - or at the very least give you a bit of a respite. Honesty, if I didn't have family that took my son off my hands for a few days here and there I wouldn't make it. I couldn't imagine having no break.

1967November 11/21/2016

I totally get it. I'm so lonely. So is my son. Nobody likes him and neither do I. I understand you @brokenmom. Hurting yourself or your child is not an option.

ammodd 11/22/2016

I'm both happy and sad that people understand. My son is 17 and decided he would rather brave it as an adult rather than be in my miserable home. It's been a month and of course even though he is in the home, I still get to deal with all the teenage messes he's making. It's a neverending nighmare.

shortangel8604 01/03/2017

My 3 year old son just got diagnosed and already people don't believe that it's a thing. 2 people in my husband's family have even said " did they just make that up so they can drug him." And I do get the "if only you do..."

JFL0915 01/12/2017

I am fairly new to this site, just now seeing your post. What you described sounds almost identical to our situation with our 15 year daughter who has ADD and ODD.

Within the last coupe of months our daughter didn't get to go to homecoming, she missed a soccer tournament, a trip to Orlando with her HS soccer team and two Christmas parties due to consequences for her poor choices related to school work, or rather not doing school work and thus receiving bad grades.

Everyday is challenging. The constant arguing and fighting is exhausting.

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