Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) Support Group
Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures that goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. When a child cannot seem to control his anger or frustration, even over what seems to be trivial or simple to others, the child will often react in violent or negative ways to his own...
My son had a terrible day today. He's 13, ADHD/ODD with LD in LA. He has been accused of bullying, again. Only unlike the other 3 times this year, I truly believe he was not the culprit. Someone,please be totally honest with me and tell me if I am wrong.
First I have to say that I know my son is not perfect and he really is guilty 90% of the time. Hate to say it,but its true. i love him anyway.
Here's what happened: The Science teacher leaves the room, there is a boy in the class that some of the kids mentioned that he doesn't like to be asked a lot of questions. Well, when the teacher left the room kids started asking him questions about where he was from and someone made fun of where he came from. I think he's from Kansas becasue my son asked him if he followed KS basketball and football. He swears that is all he said and no one has said differently at this point. This must have been the last straw for this boy because he lost it and started yelling at everyone to leave him alone. The teacher came in and looked directly at my son and asked what he did to upset the boy. My son told her he was just trying to start a conversation. She sent him to the Resource Room as a punishment and the boy filed a complaint against my son and another boy for bullying him. Of course, knowing my son's record, I believed it. I asked them exactly what he said so I could discuss it with his therapist. The resource teacher got the story from the Science teacher and said that when the teacher left the boys started asking this kid questions knowing he didn't like to be asked questions and it upset the kid very much. My son didn't say anything to threaten him or make him feel unsafe. I didn't get it. So I emailed the principal handling the issue.I asked him to call me when he had the details sorted out to get the full story. he emailed me back and said that he wasn't even going to talk to my son about it because a couple of other admistrators, including the school psychologist, talked to him already and he responded well. I am surprised he was able to keep it together for them. He was
ANGRY! The principal also said he was interviewing other students and indicated that this may not be my son's fault but the fault of a couple of other students. So they automatically assume he did something because he was present at the time of the incident. i get it, I do it to him as well but have been trying very hard not to. I sent and email back stating that I didn't feel this should be on his record as bullying, I would think it would be more of an 'annoying' incident and unless he finds evidence to support the accusation I don't want this on his record. I feel that I need to go to bat for him on this one. i haven't heard back from the principal yet and yes I worry about eating crow, but I will happily apologize to him (I was very politically correct in my emails)for disagreeing. I talked to my son tonight and told him to avoid the boy and try to notice if someone is upset or aggitated while talkiing to them and if they are just stop talking to them. I am not saying my son is totally innocent here, but I don't think he owns this one. I do feel bad for the boy, I am sure that something was said to upset him so much, but it doesn't sound like it was anything my son said. They are usually very good about telling me the awful things my son does in detail right away. Am I overreacting? Should I just drop it? I feel that my son thinks I am like the teachers and assume he is guilty right away. It's hard because he usually is and he does try to lie his way out of it most of the time. When do I believe him?
First I have to say that I know my son is not perfect and he really is guilty 90% of the time. Hate to say it,but its true. i love him anyway.
Here's what happened: The Science teacher leaves the room, there is a boy in the class that some of the kids mentioned that he doesn't like to be asked a lot of questions. Well, when the teacher left the room kids started asking him questions about where he was from and someone made fun of where he came from. I think he's from Kansas becasue my son asked him if he followed KS basketball and football. He swears that is all he said and no one has said differently at this point. This must have been the last straw for this boy because he lost it and started yelling at everyone to leave him alone. The teacher came in and looked directly at my son and asked what he did to upset the boy. My son told her he was just trying to start a conversation. She sent him to the Resource Room as a punishment and the boy filed a complaint against my son and another boy for bullying him. Of course, knowing my son's record, I believed it. I asked them exactly what he said so I could discuss it with his therapist. The resource teacher got the story from the Science teacher and said that when the teacher left the boys started asking this kid questions knowing he didn't like to be asked questions and it upset the kid very much. My son didn't say anything to threaten him or make him feel unsafe. I didn't get it. So I emailed the principal handling the issue.I asked him to call me when he had the details sorted out to get the full story. he emailed me back and said that he wasn't even going to talk to my son about it because a couple of other admistrators, including the school psychologist, talked to him already and he responded well. I am surprised he was able to keep it together for them. He was
ANGRY! The principal also said he was interviewing other students and indicated that this may not be my son's fault but the fault of a couple of other students. So they automatically assume he did something because he was present at the time of the incident. i get it, I do it to him as well but have been trying very hard not to. I sent and email back stating that I didn't feel this should be on his record as bullying, I would think it would be more of an 'annoying' incident and unless he finds evidence to support the accusation I don't want this on his record. I feel that I need to go to bat for him on this one. i haven't heard back from the principal yet and yes I worry about eating crow, but I will happily apologize to him (I was very politically correct in my emails)for disagreeing. I talked to my son tonight and told him to avoid the boy and try to notice if someone is upset or aggitated while talkiing to them and if they are just stop talking to them. I am not saying my son is totally innocent here, but I don't think he owns this one. I do feel bad for the boy, I am sure that something was said to upset him so much, but it doesn't sound like it was anything my son said. They are usually very good about telling me the awful things my son does in detail right away. Am I overreacting? Should I just drop it? I feel that my son thinks I am like the teachers and assume he is guilty right away. It's hard because he usually is and he does try to lie his way out of it most of the time. When do I believe him?
Sounds like your son might have even been trying to find a common ground to strike up a conversation with him, just probably chose the wrong time to do it. You said something to him about it and gave him some good advice. Other than that, I would let it go unless the school comes back with something else that is more serious and or concrete.
I would actually commend him for holding himself together during the whole thing. That's what I would be focusing on here. How your son handled himself in the situation. Let him know you are proud of him for that and that the administrators pointed it out and were happy with his response.