Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
Hello everybody. As someone who has been on this site for a little over two years, I have noticed an increase in members in the OCD support group. I think it might be good if we could introduce ourselves and say a little bit about the type of thoughts and rituals that plague each one of us.
I think it is about time that we come together as a group of people and help one another out. Let's make this group and safe and happy place where we all can feel comfortable sharing our thoughts.
I think it is about time that we come together as a group of people and help one another out. Let's make this group and safe and happy place where we all can feel comfortable sharing our thoughts.
The worst of my OCD comes with obsessive thinking. I'm also a compulsive cleaner. I need to check certain websites every day. Make sure the doors are locked, write in my mood tracker, and if I miss anything I totally destroy myself. I haven't slept in about 24 hours so I'm missing a few things I'm sure, but that's the gist of it.
I am dreadfully ashamed of this disorder and even coming out like this takes extreme courage on my part. I have always been uncomfortable talking about it, even with my own parents. But, after seeing all of you speaking out about things that I myself suffer with in silence, I am finally ready to talk about it too and likewise, finally deal with it.
Btw, Thrash, what is HOCD?
Katie,
great idea!
From my time on here, I have noticed I only have minor form of OCD (as of now). I don't have any ritual symptoms. I consider myself in the post-heightened phase of OCD. I know there isn't such thing but I don't have the thoughts run my life anymore though every day is a journey. I have suffered intrusive thoughts throughout my life from very minor like now to a time when I didn't think anyone in the world knew what was going on in head because I wouldn't dare tell anyone. I wish I had discovered this site before, but alas, as part of life, it is a journey and you can't always get what you want, but I tried and I finally found what I wanted. : ))))) Through this long voluptuous battle, I am here on this site and attempting to diminish the stigma regarding mental conditions among myself as well as my father who is bipolar/paranoid.
Sorry for the long intro.
Here's my history:
Thought I had a STD for 8 years so for a good part of my childhood, I kept a secret that diminished my soul. During that time, I felt I was living two mental worlds. The secret created a crater size hole in my consciousness and the affects were fundamental. I secretly mentally beat myself up all the time and the secret kept digging into me until I was 18 and figured out there was nothing....NOTHING! ::shakes head:: All that negative thinking for nothing! 8 years of living in a hole for nothing. After that, I became a bit aware of how my mind worked. Making things bigger than they were.
About 20, I fell into deep depression. At the deepest, I was riding in my car when I turned my lights off in the country hoping the car went out of control and I spun out. I worked, charmed my friends but didn't show anyone that I was depressed. Never was suicidal.
The depression lifted a bit when I started acting which was like therapy. I soon moved to Hollywood. And that's when the violent and sexual thoughts went amok.
These feelings were so vivid and real. Physiologically, I felt these actions were real meaning when I 'saw' them in my mind, my body reacted that they were real. Its a scary feeling. But I kept pushing on and living the harsh life in Hollywood.
Intrusive thoughts consist of:
(feel free to laugh at some...I think we just need to do that sometimes instead of think of them....:)))and they are often made up on the spot and almost never reocurring )
-growing a multitude of massive penises and then using them to strangle people
-I remember one when our house was on fire and went to pull my mom out and I lifted her and just her head came out
- (recently) I was walking with my mom around the trail and I thought of killing her ...(at the time I went into detail and see it happening as we are walking ...its difficult to focus on the conversation when this is going on)
-growing up, I remember seeing this video about how this boy who killed his parents in his sleep. I thought I would the ideal candidate to do something like that because I felt that emotional unstable
--I had a few of these sticky thoughts that run again and again in my head ---- dont ask how these came upon me : )))
1) I remember going to community college and having a repeated thought that my man professor was having brutal anal sex with me on the table in front of the class (I am not homosexual; no qualms with those who are including my sister and father, yes, my dad)
2)- whenever I laid down in front of the TV, I imagined elvis Presley behind me with his penis inside of me -----
3) The next sticky thought happened when I broke up with my first girlfriend. Straying away to ask why, I will just say the thought consisted of feeling like I had breasts like size of my ex-girlfriends. It sounds somewhat comical and Im glad I can smile at the thought of it. But only weeks after our breakup, I would imagine myself with breasts. After having experienced this other sticky thoughts, I knew the thoughts would go away. And they vanished approximately 3-5 months later.
For a time just before I left LA, I felt I was going through HOCD (homosexual OCD). The thoughts went amok thinking I was gay though I was not. If my eyes veered toward a male, my brain said aha, your gay or on bad days my brain would say aha, see you stupid faggot, youre fucking gay stop lying to yourself, you like malesjust accept you stupid faggot. This mind frame went on and on for another 10 months or so.
Conclusion:
Its been about a year since Ive struggled a lot with these types of thoughts. The best medicine for me was counseling. I felt I had some past sexual incidents that I had to reveal. I discussed the condition for about a few months then stopped when I thought I could go on on my own. I feel that counseling should be required for everyone. Just in the last few months, I have been researching OCD , depression, anxiety and its becoming more and more clear to me that I have more control of it than I previously thought. I am in good position right now and when I look back, I suspect that being in stressful situation only heightened this condition. Taking care of yourself by eating healthy, getting a good amount of sleep, and taking care of your body helps tremendously. I also more understand how OCD pervades our whole life and sometimes it is difficult to tell how much it affects us. But now, I am taking St. Johns Wort and getting a significant amount of sleep and understanding that life is here to live.
Live! Not to fear, or to be totally understood....just here.letting it be.
P.S. I left LA understanding acting was only therapy and helping other who are less fortunate than myself. This is what I get up for in the morning. I am in college in OR and will be graduating next summer.
Thanks for reading.