I am freaking out and so overwhelmed right now. My thoughts are in overdrive. Long story short, I became friends with one of my idols online. I reached out to them through instagram messages one day and we just kept talking. She deals with depression and anxiety and we're actually very similar. However, she is older than me and is much more "recovered" than I am. She told me she could no longer deal with my constant asking for reassurances, and we had to stop talking, because the conversations seemed to "trigger me." That wasn't wrong of her. She was right, actually. I WAS acting completely irrationally. Constantly asking if I did something wrong or how to feel better or apologizing. It was a lot for someone to handle, especially one with a family and a job and mental health problems of their own. When she told me that, I sent a bunch of messages asking for a second chance and apologizing. I eventually came to terms with that it was probably best that we do stop talking though. I finally just asked if there were any hard feelings between us and if we could be friendly with each other. Not necessarily friends who talk constantly, but the occasional like/comment on social media. She said she would love that. But now I don't know what to do and I feel so guilty. I feel like I guilted her into saying that we could remain friendly and she didn't hate me when in fact she does. I don't know how to know how she actually feels, so I don't know how to act. I want to apolgoize to her and say that it was wrong of me to ask for a second chance, but I also know I probably shouldn't do it because what she wants is to be left alone, but I cannot get rid of the nagging feeling of guilt. I can't get out of my head. I wish I could explain this better but it's so complicated. I just want to be a good person and I don't know what the right thing to do is because I don't know what she really wants. I just want to be a good person. I'm terrified of being a bad person or doing the wrong thing. I keep having all these irrational thoughts that she's gonna come out to the world and tell them that I'm an obsessed freak. Logically, there's no evidence that she would do that. She's extremely kind and understanding and not petty but I can't know for sure so I don't know what to prepare for. I have no idea what to do. I don't know how to make this better.