Being a part of this forum is interesting because the participants are all at different stages of life (I'm 37) and often posts remind you of past OCD challenges that time has made you forget. Yours is one of those. When I was a teenager my fears were very focused on worry about getting pregnant. I remember being about 15 (of course not sexually active) and going to a teen dance club with a boy who I was "seeing". I had a great night and remember kissing him on the dance floor. Well, what should have been a great moment became torture for me because I started to convince myself that maybe we didn't just kiss at that club...maybe we also had sex and now I could be pregnant and have a disease. Of course, the logic part of my brain new I didn't have sex, but my OCD would not stop torturing me. This is a tough one (for me it simply went away when I became of an age and situation in life where getting pregnant would be OK). Do you have a therapist you can talk to? They may be able to give you some coping tools. I am very obsessed with fears of contracting HIV/AIDS (even though I am married and we both got tested when we were dating). My therapist really helped me deal with this by showing me mathmatically how low my risk of getting this disease is. When I start to worry I think about what she showed me and it calms me down. I think you will find that many people can relate to you.

Thanks, Sarah. It feels better to know I'm not the only one who's felt like this, and especially that eventually it should go away! No, I have actually never seen a therapist about my OCD, although I know I probably should. I guess going to see a therapist is just like admitting I have a problem, and I don't want people to think I'm crazy. I know in the end it would be worth it though, I just need to gather the courage to take that first step. Again, I'm so happy someone relates to this fear of pregnancy thing!

Kendrabeth wrote:

I guess going to see a therapist is just like admitting I have a problem,

But you do have a problem, you have OCD!!!! FACT! It is a psych disorder, treatable and you have it! Going to get professional help is SMART! Of course, unless your shrink specializes in OCD, you may be disappointed in the results,,,,,,,

You wrote:

and I don't want people to think I'm crazy.

Only idiots and the uneducated would think you are crazy,,,,,,your BF is an example of an idiot when he says OCD does not exist! But, he is only 19 and just a kid! Listening to him would be like the blind leading the blind,,,,,,

You wrote:

I know in the end it would be worth it though, I just need to gather the courage to take that first step.

Well, I hope you find the courage to take that step! You are lucky in one respect (as I pointed out to you in another thread), that the Boston area has excellent mental healthcare compared to many other places,,,,,,

Lastly, I have been reading about OCD for 19 years now and have read about sooooooo many fears or obsessions and compulsions, that almost nothing surprises me anymore,,,,,,,how about getting a few OCD books out of the school library? Dr Judith Rapopports "The boy who could not stop washing", Dr Lee Baers "Getting Control", Dr Edna Foa's "Stop Obsessing" or Dr Fred Penzels "OCD" to name a few,,,,,,,

I went to college in the same area as you are in now and lived in Boston and the Boston area for a total of 14 years so I know what is there,,,,,,,there is a weekly OCD support group at Mclean hosp in Belmont, MA (borders Cambridge) ,,,,,,

Good luck! The sooner you get REA:L help, the sooner you might start to feel better! In my college years and 20's, there was nothing but weirdo shrinks with endless misdiagnoses,,,,OCD was virtually unknown then,,,,,,I saw my first shrink at age 18,,,,,

PS I forgot to tell you a part of your post made me laugh! :) When I have to hand money to a gross looking guy and get change back (and i am a guy!) or shake hands with one, I have the same thoughts you have but about germs and what was that guy doing a few hours ago (if U know what I mean?!) but I quickly dismiss them as I do not have germ fears,,,,,,,dirty looking hillbillies gross me out! Obviously, I do not live in the Boston area anymore!

Kendra,

Deciding to go and see a doctor or a therapist for help with your OCD is a very personal decision and one that takes a lot of thought and time for most of us. As a pre-teen my parents tried to get me help by taking me to a therapist and I wasn't ready to talk openly about my OCD (don't think I even knew what it was back then) and I just lied through my teeth to the therapist and made my parents look stupid for bringing me there (I am 37 and have had OCD since at least before 12 - I can't remember the age it started). I suffered a lot with my OCD as a teen but was horrified at the idea of telling anyone (I really tried to deny and hide my OCD). When I was in my mid 20's I met my now husband. I was about as bad as I had ever been (living in a roommate situation was torture for my germ and contamination OCD). My boyfriend (now husband) knew I had OCD (I talked to him about it), but because we didn't live together he did not know the extent. After a few years when we started talking about marriage he was honest with me that he needed me to seek help for my OCD before we could get married. This was hard for me to hear, but it was what I needed to hear. I went to my doctor and cried my eyes out and confessed my OCD. He was amazing to me and the nurse I talked to that day actually had OCD too and gave me some books to read. That day my doctor gave me a prescription for Paxil that I never took because I was still too afraid of medication. My doctor referred me to a therapist that was supposed to be the best in my area (Toronto, Canada). I went to see him with great expectations and he was a complete idiot (he was about 70 and asked me all sorts of stupid questions about my childhood (was there a divorce or abuse - my parents have always been wonderful to me and nothing bad happened to me in childhood) and then he told me that I couldn't have OCD because I had been able to keep a job for 5 years. I walked out of his office so pissed off. It had taken all my courage to seek help and this was what I got. I moved shortly after that to a new town and got a new doctor. He was amazing and referred me to an anxiety disorders clinic that has been wonderful to me. I took a diagnosis test (I definitely have OCD - not that there was any doubt), talked to doctors and therapists that were compassionate and understand OCD, I worked with them on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and to find the medication that works best for me. I attend this clinic regularly and plan to for the rest of my life. I very much recommend that everyone with OCD seek help, but I just want you to know that I get how hard it is to take that step (it's like standing in the street with no clothes on). I wish I had sought help earlier because medication has really helped me. I was so tormented by anxiety and depression before I went on medication (I take 20mg of Cipralex (Lexapro) daily) that I couldn't even try to deal with my OCD. Now, the OCD is always present, but I can deal with it better (without ending up curled up in a ball in the shower crying my eyes out). One thing about going on medication that I find kind if funny is that I used to be so scared of horror movies, but as soon as I went on medication they don't bother me at all and I've actually become a bit of a horror junkie(weird). I am not recommending medication for you (that is something only your doctor can decide with you - I am not sure how old you are but for teens and young adults medication is not always the safest treatment). I wish you luck and am hear to support you anytime. By the way you are beautiful (I love your picture). Have a good day! Sarah