Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.

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wildflowers44 11/18/2013

I've had OCD for years, but my obsessions have changed over time. They still mostly center around contamination, and my latest (and current) obsession is worrying about being infected with parasites from my mom's pets.

But over the last few weeks, I've been obsessing over something new. I've started to obsess over bad karma, and worrying that my actions will come back to haunt me. But my worries are over simple things. For instance, I just killed a little fly that was swarming near my dinner tonight. I usually don't kill bugs because I honestly do feel bad and I don't feel like I have a right to kill any living thing (even if it's just a bug). But now I am worrying that since I killed this bug, karma will come back to haunt me, and I'll end up being "punished" by God for killing an innocent creature. The interesting thing is that I think I will be punished by getting a parasite, which is my main OCD fear.

I realize this sounds stupid and I probably sound crazy, but I can't stop obsessing over this. Is this even OCD? I don't have any compulsions per say, just obsessive rumination...is that considered a compulsion? Has anyone else ever had these types of obsessions? I feel like I'm going crazy.

Thanks for taking the time to listen to me.

ocdgirl 11/18/2013

Yes that's still OCD and I would think pretty common. Mine has changed over the years too. Have you done any CBT I'd so you can probably apply the same techniques. I hope you find some relief.

deleted_user 11/19/2013

That is definitely OCD and it looks like you have a bit of scrupulosity (your fear of God punishing you).

One mental or physical compulsion you had (not sure which one it is?) was to get reassurance from fellow OCDers on this SG. That is a compulsion to relieve your obsessive worrying/anxiety.

Also, I cannot help but wonder what that "ruminating" you admit to is all about? You never told yourself you are a good person and did not mean any real harm? Ask God for forgiveness? Try to justify killing the fly by rationalizing it was bothering you and not you, it?

There are so many types of mental compulsions we can do without even knowing it. Rituals are compulsions in the OCD world.

Not sure what therapy you have had or meds you have tried but I agree with OCDGIRL that CBT (aka ERP) would be a great therapy for that and BT (aka ERP) for your contamination fears.

Not sure if you fear karma or fear God or both but no matter what, it is OCD with an obsession and a series of mental compulsions that follow.

wildflowers44 11/19/2013

Thank you both so much for your replies. I am feeling much better about this today. I would say my anxiety over it has almost completely diminished. I have been to therapists in the past, but only one specialized in OCD. She was really great and used CBT techniques, but I stopped seeing her when I went home for the summer. I'm seeing a therapist now, but for eating disorder related issues. I've mentioned my OCD, but we don't talk too much about it.

deleted_user 11/19/2013

Wildflower,

Glad you are feeling so much better.

I am also glad you saw a real, OCD specialist who understood and used CBT (aka ERP) and how effective it is. Now you know what to expect from other shrinks concerning your OCD.

Hope you can she that OCD shrink again or someone as good ASAP. Remember, for many OCDers, it will take more then one behavioral therapist to overcome all their OCD symptoms.

Sounds like your eating disorder therapist will be of no use for your OCD but hope she helps with in the area she specializes in.

wildflowers44 11/20/2013

Thanks so much.

Yes, the CBT was definitely helpful. I know I should go back and give it another try, but I just can't justify seeing two different therapists right now. Hopefully, some of my OCD symptoms will become more manageable as I address my eating disorder and other anxiety issues.

paktha 11/30/2013

OCD is crazy disorder , now I am 41 I got OCD at the age of 12 . The OCd keeps on shifting ,I also had same Karma problem(I am a Hindu the Karma is in our brought up). When my wife was pregnant I have accidentally killed a Chameleon ( it is very common in our country we call it as "onan " it will not change colors)which was having eggs in it's womb . I got scared and praying a lot. But when I visited a religious person and asked he told need not bother for small things.

The worst part of OCD is nobody will recognize our fears and my OCD has a character that I will have tell everything out and somebody has to hear . This will make us to loose respect infront of others.

pinkprincesssa 12/08/2013

Hello wildflowr44, I'm so glad you posted this, I feel far less alone in this fear of bad karma! I do feel for you, I've done similar things and panicked, actually cried one time when I accidently killed a fly trying to get it out my bathroom. (I'm a vegan, would never intentionally harm a living being!) I also live in great fear of bad karma. I have done some things I'm not proud of. But like the others said, we have to remind ourselves that we're not bad people. But what I did was much worse than swatting a fly. Sometimes it helps to talk or vent, even writing on here and having nice people reply can make you feel less alone and better about a situation.

PS. This is unrelated to the ocd post but wondering if you are a vegetairan, judging by your compassion for not killing or harming living beings? :)

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