wildflowers,dear,

please don't ever apologize for posting here....that is what this group is for...you are such a supportive,empathetic person,why shouldn't you deserve the same for yourself?

i am sorry that your priest passed away,and that it triggered you into believing it was your fault....that your ocd does that to you,makes you feel responsible for harm coming to others,and makes you feel so desperate and alone,makes me furious at your ocd.....(i have always thought of my ocd as a seperate entity....whether that is healthy or not i don't know....)

how could the passing of your priest possibly be your fault?

how could anything awful happening to anyone be your fault when,from even the little i know of you,i know you to be such a far more than decent person,helpful,sensitive?

that,as you know is what ocd does to us...turns our true character against ourselves....that doubt,that horrible doubt that can come to intense true belief....

i can relate,believe me,with my own harm symptoms.....

i can also relate to the dark place you can end up because of all this...

i think you should feel free to share your obession here if you feel it would help....often,things i've felt were too horrific ( i have had very intrusive very disturbing images in my head which led to my hospitalization 2 years ago ) to talk about,when i actually said them outloud....( granted it was only to doctors) it gave me some relief,and the thoughts less power....

i'm so sorry you feel so alone....i'm glad you reached out,and if you need to talk,feel free to message me....

do you have a therapist you can call?

do you have a list of things you can do to ground yourself,sooth yourself right now?

i'm sorry this was so long,i just hear how desperate you feel,and my heart goes out to you....i don't know if i have said anything helpful or insightful,but please know i care.....and please stay safe,even if that means going to the ER....

please take good care,wildflowers....

Hi
I used to be on this site but haven't been for awhile.
Have been getting some similar thoughts about inadvertently hurting others. Have been in therapy in the past and used medication.
Things do get better....hopefully they have gotten better for you.
I read your post and just wanted to check to see how you were doing.

Hi

When someone dies we sometimes think we could've prevented it. We also have guilt..but it is also a natural response to the news that someone died. Guilt can be part of our grief. This isn't in our hands. This is life and what happens in life and in someone else's we cannot control even if we want to. We take the ups and the downs the births and the deaths and a natural part of our experience of life as we know it. To feel responsible for something we cannot control can be part of OCD. For me, we want to control it but we just don't have the power to control it. When life gives us a shock like this we go into grief...and grief has it's own symptoms and hardships.
This shouldn't keep you from talking to someone, because you have to make an effort to get support, especially when you have suicidal thoughts.
Are you well rested? When you're rested make an appointment to talk to someone because this has to be addressed properly...for your own health.
Guilt with OCD isn't nice to face. Never. But there is help and there must me someone you can turn to for support.

Hope this can help. J

Hi, I haven't come on this site in probably years but just got bored with Facebook so here I am.. I read your post. You cannot be responsible for your priest's death. I read a lot of Sylvia Browne's books and she says that we come to Earth with a blueprint that our souls created. No one can cause another's death by thoughts. HIs death is in his blueprint and I'm sure you have no part of it. Do you take meds? I have to take them or I'm a basket case. In 2009, after my regular doctor took over my medical management, he changed my medicine because of my weight problem. He put me on Wellbutrin which, unbeknownst to me at the time, was not for OCD. My OCD got the best of me. He put me on Abilify which made me crazy and caused vision problems. Eventually I took 6 weeks off from work. When I came back, after a few weeks, they replaced me with the temp who took my place and they put me in a lesser position. Eventually, they got rid of the position and I lost the best job ever. I hope you are seeing a therapist. I know what you mean about catching other people's OCD. I used to belong to a support group and we weren't allowed to say what our OCD was about just for that reason. Eventually I had to leave the group because the people in it just seemed to want to stay sick. I wanted to get well. I hope you are feeling better.

Hi wildflowers,

I'm so sorry to hear your'e suffering right now. Your ocd is telling you a lie. You are not responsible for the death of your priest. Remember that ocd always lies to us. Don't believe the lies that ocd or depression tells you. Perhaps you are feeling sad that he passed away, but its important to figure out what is genuine grief due to his passing and what is a lie that ocd tells. It's okay to let yourself feel sad that he passed, but know that it dosen't have to be tangled up in ocd.
I hope you can find a professional to speak with about this and know that this will eventually pass, just as all obsessions eventually pass. You will eventually feel better again

Thank you so much, everyone, for your support. It really means a lot. While I have gotten over this particular obsession, I am still dealing with a lot of guilt. I guess that is a common theme with OCD? I just constantly feel as if I have done something wrong and deserve nothing good. I am working to change, but it's hard. Thank you again for checking in. It really means a lot.

I know how it feels to think everything is your fault, but it isn't. I'm a writer but I'm not very good with words unless its in a story, all I can say is that I promise, I am praying for you.

Hi broken11, thank you for your reply. Your kind words and prayers mean a lot to me. It makes me sad to hear you can relate to feeling like everything is your fault...from my perspective, you are a kind and caring individual. I will keep you in my prayers also. Thank you again.

It isn't a problem. Prayers are the best thing we can do to help one another, they are extremely powerful. I've seen it. Thanks for thinking I'm kind and caring, I try to be. I've dealt with similar feelings of guilt my entire life, like somehow everything is my fault, even though I know there isn't anything I could have done. I guess growing up with brothers who always tried to guilt trip me into doing something really fueled that (at the time I didn't know about OCD) and my OCD. Every time my brothers did something to upset my dad, I found myself apologizing to him because I felt as if I wasn't strong enough to help him. Even to this day I still feel that, I felt as if I had to make up for what my brothers did, because somehow in my mind, it was my fault. It's only increased as I grew older, now everything seems to be my fault. Like when my grandmother died three years ago, somehow it felt it was my fault, even though I'm thousands of miles away. Maybe it was because I didn't get to see her a lot. I'm glad you are doing better and I'll keep sending up prayers. You can say to many prayers for your friends.

*You can never say to many prayers for your friends. Sorry, I sometimes type so fast that I skip words.