Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
It seems my OCD has morphed into this new fear of doing harm to my loved ones (or anyone really). I know I shouldn't post this, as it's probably a form of reassurance seeking, which is one of my compulsions. But it's driving me insane with guilt and I would love to hear an outsider's perspective on whether this is a reasonable thing to be concerned about, or is purely an OCD worry.
My younger sister came over to my apartment two days ago to visit. While she was here, she ate a snack directly off the table in the exact spot I had had a bottle of bug spray/pesticide (the kind you spray around your house) sitting on the table just a few days earlier. The bottle had been shut, but I am worried there was residue or something on the bottom of it/outside of the bottle that could have gotten onto the table, and that my sister ingested some of it by eating off the table. I am especially worried because I looked up the ingredients of the spray and two of them are "possible carcinogens". So now I have it in my head that my sister will get cancer in the future, and it will be all my fault for being careless/putting the bug spray on the table/not warning her not to eat there.
This is driving me insane with worry and guilt. I love my sister so much and the thought that I did something to harm her makes me feel awful. I have spent hours researching about carcinogenic chemicals, when I have two huge papers I need to write for school. I cannot stop worrying about this.
On a more general note, does this ever end? I feel like I make some progress overcoming one obsession, only to have a new one take its place. I am exhausted.
Sorry to be such a downer, but I appreciate it if you took the time to read this.
My younger sister came over to my apartment two days ago to visit. While she was here, she ate a snack directly off the table in the exact spot I had had a bottle of bug spray/pesticide (the kind you spray around your house) sitting on the table just a few days earlier. The bottle had been shut, but I am worried there was residue or something on the bottom of it/outside of the bottle that could have gotten onto the table, and that my sister ingested some of it by eating off the table. I am especially worried because I looked up the ingredients of the spray and two of them are "possible carcinogens". So now I have it in my head that my sister will get cancer in the future, and it will be all my fault for being careless/putting the bug spray on the table/not warning her not to eat there.
This is driving me insane with worry and guilt. I love my sister so much and the thought that I did something to harm her makes me feel awful. I have spent hours researching about carcinogenic chemicals, when I have two huge papers I need to write for school. I cannot stop worrying about this.
On a more general note, does this ever end? I feel like I make some progress overcoming one obsession, only to have a new one take its place. I am exhausted.
Sorry to be such a downer, but I appreciate it if you took the time to read this.
Ironic thing is, I only sprayed the stuff because of another OCD fear of mine (fleas). I found one little flea in my apartment (we don't even have pets, so I must've tracked it in on my shoes), so I went nuts and had to spray all the carpets. And mind you, this was 9 months ago I sprayed this. And I am just now obsessing over the chemicals that were in it.
I do feel like I am making myself sick worrying over this, but I don't know how to stop. Is there a cure for this?
i am so sorry you are going through this....it pains me,the desperation i hear in your posts....i as well have gone through terrible harm ocd,and although it has gotten quite a bit better with meds and therapy,it can still surface....
i've found the best thing to do,is to (as awfully difficult as it is) try and challenge those ocd fears that ocd "voice",and not to react to them with a resulting compulsion,until they dissipate.....and they can,and do...
do you work with a therapist?
i am very lucky to have found one who works with me through this,as well as the other manifestations of my ocd,and i am also on a waiting list for an exposure response prevention therapy program.
this type of therapy has helped many people,and,as hard as i know it will be,as difficult as it is and will be to do,i am looking forward to trying it....i have refractoray ocd and little has helped,although my current medication has seemed to make a bit of a difference,and especially,as i mentioned,my amazing therapist...
i can relate as well to your frustration when one's ocd morphs into something else,unfortunately,i have experienced that a lot.....
but,somewhere at my depths,i know this can get better.....
if you haven't already,i encourage you to seek out the ERP,which may help you......
forgive me for rambling on here about myself so much,it is hard for me (because of my ocd) to post or reply to people....but,again,because you seem so desperate,i really felt compelled to respond to you.....
you have all my empathy,and i sincerely wish you peace....
Thank you so much for your kind and understanding reply. Your reply means a lot, especially considering how difficult it sounds like it is to reply to posts. So please know that I very much appreciate it.
I have heard wonderful things about ERP. I do see a therapist, but unfortunately, we don't do much in the way of ERP/challenging the OCD because I also have other issues. But I have really been thinking of targeting the OCD. I'm glad to hear it sounds like your therapist is really great with working with the OCD, and that you are on a waiting list for an ERP program. I really hope it brings you healing and relief, as OCD thoughts can be extremely distressing.
I wish you much peace and light as well. Thank you again.