Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive (repetitive, distressing, intrusive) thoughts and related compulsions (tasks or rituals) which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
I feel so hopeless. I try to be positive and get past my scary thoughts but I can’t. I don’t know how I’m going to live the rest of my life like this. I have the worst thoughts. I don’t want to think about hurting things I love. It feels so real and makes me worry about about actually doing something terrible. I know I have the ability to distinguish these thoughts as not real, but they are terrifying me. I’m also tired of finding flaws in everything and everyone. It’s like my ocd is trying to push away everything I love. Then I have intrusive thoughts regarding things and their flaws. People don’t understand what I deal with in my life so I’m turning to this support group. I’ve gone to therapy and take medicine and nothing helps. I feel like I’m living in a hell on earth. I feel worthless and unloveable. If people knew what went on in my mind they would probably be horrified. No one will ever love me for me. I can’t stand myself. Any positive words or vibes sent my way would be appreciated. At an all time low.
I am gentler on the rest of the world than the disorder allows me to be on myself. I feel worthless and unlovable a lot of the time, too.
But several months ago, I was part of a forum where I said this, along with feeling like a failure in my life and everything, and someone pointed out to me that the context and the language I used was important, even if I had done so without really thinking about it.
I said, "I feel like a failure" rather than "I am a failure." I said, "I feel worthless and unlovable," rather than, "I am worthless and unlovable."
Just because these are our feelings doesn't make them true, doesn't make them reality, and they have no bearing and no definition within anyone else.
You might feel unlovable, but to someone else, they may find you to be nothing but lovely, and loving, and worthy. And your feelings do not negate theirs.
It's good to express these things because you absolutely need to. You need to acknowledge and address your feelings, and acknowledge and address the problem. Throwing a layer of positivity over something without addressing it first will always be detrimental to your mental health and well-being because the only way to truly battle something like OCD is to face your anxieties and figure out how to cope. Avoidance is not going to work.
OCD is a part of me that is very, very difficult to love. And maybe you feel that way, too.
But you are not OCD. You're a person. And someone will love you for who you are, and recognize that they don't need to love your OCD. They only need to love you. And I'm certain people already do.
My advice would be to check yourself for perfectionism. If you demand absolute perfection from yourself at all times, there's a good chance to that you're projecting this on to other people and magnifying their flaws only because they are things you recognize as your own flaws. Work on forgiving yourself and accepting your own flaws. Then, other people's won't seem like such a big deal.
i am sorry as well i can't offer you any insight- i have been having insomnia for about a week and a half and it has left my mind even more of a mess...
But i just wanted to let you know again that you are not alone.
i can relate to your desperation.....
(((( hugs ))))