If you know you're not gay, trust yourself that you're not. No one said OCD thoughts are truthful. Recognize it as that and let it go. You give it strength by dwelling on it. Take care. - stillearning57

Hello. Sexuality can be a very confusing thing. I struggled with it for a long time. But like stillearning57 said, these thoughts may only be thoughts. However, I just want to say that it's not always just gay or straight. There's many things in between. I for example am bisexual, and I still have a boyfriend. It also may help to know that a lot of people question their sexuality at least once in their lives; OCD can just make these thoughts more intrusive or problematic.

All that being said, is there a reason that you think these thoughts could be happening, if you don't think you actually like women? Do you maybe come from a very conservative family and you are afraid of disappointing them? Maybe if you try to find the root of the worry, you can better eliminate it.

I hope this helps, and don't give up. You're strong.

I have the reverse. I'm gay and I have panics about being straight all the time. It's so completely irrational and not based on anything except fear. The fear then finds things to back it up - it is really hard.

I found this article really good http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson7.php

I went thru a yr of HOCD. It ended last september so it has almost been a yr without it altho once the fear gets in ur head after the obsession it does still hit you at times. It was hell for me. At times i wanted to kill myself to make the thoughts stop. The worst obsession i have ever had. It was all i could think about. It was basically like having voices in my head that wouldnt shut up, altho they werent voices they were just thoughts. It got so bad that my sex drive was completely gone and i no longer felt attracted to ANYONE which completely freaked me out. I would have gay dreams and i would wake up in a panic and panic for the rest of the day. I couldnt watch tv cuz girls were everywhere, i couldnt be near girls, i couldnt hear there voices, at the time i was in college and i couldnt even talk to me roomate as all i would be thinking about the whole time was "ur gay "u like her" "u think she is hot". I couldnt consentrate on the oncversations at all cuz i had a completely different dialogue to listen to in my head. I was completely stressed out. And also like u i had a boyfriend.

Anyways, it slowly started letting up. The gay dreams stopped(before the obsession i had only ever had one gay dream. During the obsession i had many. And after the obsession i had one dream where it was someone with boobs but they had a penis so i was like hey they have a penis so i had sex with them. I woke up and i was fine with the dream not scared). I have not experienced any gay dreams since, i feel the attraction towards males like i used too. Altho sometimes i do get panicked like when i watch something on tv where there are gay people as my brain puts me in their place so i think i am them. Or sometimes the hocd with come back but i dont get stuck on it like i used too.

Right at the end of the obsession i totally knew i was straight. I thought maybe i could have a relationship with a girl but it wouldnt be fullfilling to me. I need a man. A woman to me cant give me everything that i need. Also after the obsession i knew it was ok to get thoughts about girls as everyone gets them. I just didnt panic anymore and they happened a lot less.

Altho i am not in the obsession thinking about being gay still feels scary to me as it isnt what i want, it's not me. What our ocd does is it takes our fears and makes them seem real and totures us. We may be stressed about something else completely different but our brain covers that up with things like HOCD.

What triggered my hocd was starting my first ever relationship. But that wasnt just it. He lived in CA while me in NY. He was taking a bus all the way out here for me and staying for two wks. That was a super stressful thing for me. A man coming all the way out here for ME. "What if i am gay?" was the first thought that came to mind when he booked his ticket. I would be such a disappointment to him, it would be a waste of money, i would be embarrassed, our relaitonship would end, and so on. The fear of someone coming all the way across the country triggered all these fears in me. But not only was i scared of being gay i was scared we wouldnt click in person like we did online. I feared he wouldnt like me! I feared i wouldnt like him. There was just so much to think about and i was so stressed as i had never ever done anything like it before. But the number one fear that stuck to me was what if i am gay as that would make me definitely never be able to be with him.

Ok fast forwarding almost 2 yrs later he lives here in NY now and i am not gay. It's crazy how crazy we can make ourselves :P