I compose music but have a very rough time doing so. Everything has to be perfect for one, but my biggest problem seems to be that I have a severe lack of confidence in myself. I find it very hard to compose and have this thought in the back of my head that whatever song I am writing at the time is going to end up sounding horrible or go wrong.

I find that if I write a little bit at a time, I am less anxious, but if I go without writing for a period of time it is almost unbearable for me to start back up.

I also have panic attacks when trying to compose or play an instrument.
I am very rusty when it comes to playing instruments and am always beating myself up over it. I also am very critical of my own voice.

Often, I will get a portion of a song stuck in my head for days that I just can not get rid of. I will obsess about what the rhythm will be, what notes to use, if the bassline will fit the guitars, etc.

Just thinking about my music will often cause me to break into tears, and I can not for the life of me get my music out of my head. As I have said before, it is very hard for me to compose or play, and yet 24/7 this is what I feel like I should be doing. It is literally impossible for me to so much as relax or even watch a TV show as these musical loops will not leave my head. I also can't get the thought that I am a horrible musician out of my head.

I suffer from depression, OCD and panic disorder. I'm wondering if any of these disorders is causing this problem or if it is perhaps a combination of my problems. Either way, I feel like this nonstop obsessing over my music is destroying my life and making me completely miserable.

Can anyone out there relate or have advise? Thanks for any help.