I have certainly not been in the dark about the fact that I am fat. In fact I have been quite frustrated at my apparent inability to change this situation. I have had hypothyroidism for almost 10 years. I have significant arthritis in most of my joints after a painfully active youth. We have not eaten the best over the years because we had always been the "skinny people." Unfortunately, as we got older those eating habits didn't change. I'm over 40 and had my youngest son after I turned 30 (it's no lie... baby weight gained after 30 does not go away!).

I had been teetering at 250lbs for a few years and tried reducing calories, increasing calories, going to the gym, walking, etc. I was doing quite good at walking until my thyroid crashed in July. Then I gained over 30 more lbs, was unable to get out of bed, and since have been winded just walking through my house.

The doc (which I am in the process of finding a new one) has done a number of tests (blood work for diabetes, stress test, auto-immune tests, etc). All of my labs state that I am healthy and in balance I call BS.

I have limited lung capacity. I get migraines like they are a normal part of daily life. Nothing has had an effect on the intense heartburn I have been dealing with. I could legitimately drink a bottle of Maloxx and still have heartburn! THIS IS NOT NORMAL NOR HEALTHY! What the heck!

So what's with the title, the Mirror? Yah, well... I was babysitting the cutest little 5 month old last night. She was fascinated with looking at herself in the mirror hanging on the wall, but standing there with her looking for much longer was not going to happen. So I took the mirror down and set her in front of it as I used to do with my other kids (now grown, with the exception of one). While the precious package was sitting on the floor looking at herself, I sat on the sofa behind her and realized that was probably the worst view of myself I have ever seen!!! I haven't felt that low since I was a teenage cutter!! This is not going to work, I cannot become my mother.

This morning I have been reading some articles on morbid obesity, which at 291lbs (weighed this morning) I am. My focus is how to lose this weight when I am very restricted on what I can even do. I believe I am almost completely lacking in muscle. I know my legs cannot hold my body up for very long and I can't do push-ups without my right shoulder dislocating (it happens quite often if I put too much weight on it). Start small was the emphasis in these articles. Losing weight at this size is often inappropriately addressed through diets and even doctors because of the limitations of such a body mass. Another emphasis was to join a support group. This is nothing new to me as I've been in recovery for various other issues... now it's fat recovery... well... body recovery? Whatevs!

Since no one here knows me, here's a snippet for you: I'm over 40. I have 5 kids (3 boys and 2 girls (girls were acquired in marriage but they are still mine mine mine and I dare anyone to challenge that)). I'm an administrative assistant (for a health care company!). I recently quite a high end support position to eliminate my commute and be home more with my kids that are still home (four of them). In April I started homeschooling our 11 year old son after pulling him out of a school that condoned bullying (our district sux). I'm helping my husband get his welding business going. Also, our youngest daughter and I are taking an online college classes together.

So that's me... Hi Y'all!