Well, I noticed men don't look at me like they use to. I was pretty hot looking but then went downhill and now I think men are just looking at me and thinking OH my God she's fat.

I think it's human nature (if we are all honest) to judge someone by the way they look. If we're smart, we still get to know them and then make a judgment based on who they really are.

Please don't take this personal, but I have to tell you what my brother told me years and years ago. He said he always scouted out the 'fat chick' at a party, bar, etc. because "fat girls are easy". Being fat myself, that just crushed me, especially because I knew he was right. Or at least I know I was desperately wanting to be loved and anyone who showed attention got whatever they wanted from me. Thank God I'm older and wiser, yet I still find part of me is still looking for that acceptance.
You're right, the opposite sex generally pays more attention to the body before they even consider your personality, good heart or any of the positive things about you. Wonder if it'll ever change. If he likes you, really likes you, he'll introduce you to his friends. If he wants a date, suggest a double date with his best friend.

I am big girl too. (5'5, 280lbs to be exact also) and I have had a boyfriend for a quite sometime now. I was only 20lbs lighter when we met. He was not really attracted to me at first, but then he got to know me and now he loves me more than ever! He doesn't care if I was bigger, smaller, or in between. I think you just have to find that right person. It's hard to find a nice sincere guy when you are heavy, but it is possible!! Keep your head up and don't give up hope. You will find him and when you do, you will knock his socks off. Not just by your looks but your personality too!

I think that everyone has certain things that "attract" them - but it doesn't define all thier relationships.
I happen to like tall men and dark hair / complexion.... men who have that look will catch my eye faster than ones who look different.
BUT - that's all. When you get to know someone - it changes HOW you see them - and a cute guy who is my type who is a jerk - slowley becomes ugly when i look at him.
Also - a guy that didn't particularly attract me at first sight - may drive me obsessive crazy once i get to know him.
Your attracted to certain looks, and certain traits. Sometimes the way things look on the outside gives clues to how someone is on the inside - like how they dress or thier sence of style. Sometimes it's off - and you just cant tell or dont know.
Taking the time to get to know someone is the main thing. Attraction is a lot more than just looks - at least the kind of attraction that relationships are built on.
People change in taste also / in what they are attracted to.
Looks will always affect how people look at you, judge you...but they only take you so far.
You may love to look at a perfectly designed modern home that is as beautifull as a palace or museam....... whatever....
but you'd never want to live there. You want to live in a cozy, comfortable house that feels like home.
Some things that catch your eye - only catch your eye for a minute and then you move on to the rest.
If a guy only likes you because you are a certain weight (whether it's large or small) - he will usually be really vocal about it / open about it. Bring it up sooner rather than later - and you will get a feel for how they are.
Sometimes people are also just afraid of thier other losing weight - because they are afraid that you will become more attractive to others - and you will leave them for another.
Anyone who really loves you will want you to be happy first - and a happy confident you will be the most attractive you - no matter what "look" they like.

Lynda, I am sorry to hear that you felt like one of those easy girls. I have always been the total opposite of that. I have been looked at as prude because I won't give out. That might be the thing that attracts them to me. I don't know. But I do know there are men who when I say no, don't give up because I am big and that is what they want. One guy, in particular, told me that he won't even give a skinny girl a chance because he likes his girls big. I told him that is the one thing that turned ma away. Very shallow. It isn't any different than a guy only liking skinny girls and not giving bigger girls a chance. And as for your brother...shame on him. LOL I hope he is better about that now.

Pink, that is so very encouraging to hear! I am glad that you are happy!

Hi There, just to share my story. I want to encourage you there is Good quality guys out there- I felt like I was not good enough for a guy to be attracted to me- I have always been a 100 plus pds over weight and felt like I could never find a guy that would see me for who I am . I got to a point where I realized I needed to be myself and live my life for me not to impress or find a guy. I was friends with one guy in particular very good looking and over a 8 year period I had a major crush on him but thought he did not like me because of my weight. We always seemed to get really close - and would always enjoy our time together...several times I would put some distance between us afraid of rejection. Finally after years of agonizing I asked him if he ever had feelings for me other then a friend and he said "Yes of course for years" he even tried to tell me of his affections many times before but was afraid of my reaction. Needless to say because of my insecurities I was clueless. The rest is history after two years of dating I am married to the most supportive, caring man I have ever known who loves me for who I am and is my biggest cheerleader for my health and happiness! I would say be yourself and pursue your interests. Always look for men with integrity and character - who enjoy life...don't settle be true to yourself!

I guess I should clarify this discussion. What I am trying to say is not that I am scared that I can't find a good man (I know I can find them since I have already found many), but what I am trying to say is do you think there is a difference between a man that says they only want to date or find a big girl and a man who says they only want to find a skinny girl. Most people would say "yes", that the man who only wants a skinny girl is shallow and into looks, but I think there is no difference. The man that only wants a big girl is just as shallow and is only into looks. Do you all see my point? This is what I am wondering your opinion about.

I think you will know b/c of the conversations that are carried on and such. He will not treat you as a trophy but as his equal. I have just always been able to tell. With the shallow men that are after the looks, they constantly mention something about your looks, weight, etc. When you find someone that is attracted to you for who you are and not for what you look like then rarely does what you look like even get mentioned. You just know, from my experience.

Thanks Breezy, I think your right about mentioning the looks thing. I think it is nice to have compliments like, "You look very beautiful in that outfit," and "You are very pretty," but I think you can tell when it is sincere or just a pick up line. I have noticed that it is very much out of context if it is a pick up line.

No one has Xray vision so we must face the fact that we will see the exterior before we even get acquainted with and desire to know the interior of anything or anybody. Attraction is step 1 in creating relationships. You are drawn to certain people, then you get acquainted with them and if you feel they are as nice inside as they are outside then you have something there. But never count out the outside as if its non existent and as if we can see right through it.

People may not want to believe this but Everything in the world thats visible has a design and we pick up pens, art work, clothes, purchase food meals from menus, buy cars, and houses, and the ones we settle for are the ones that look right to start with, then we check out the inside. Five items in front of us that all do the same thing... we will choose the one that is most appealing visually.

I guess for myself I have always believed that if you are not happy with with yourself I find it very difficult to be happy with anyone in a relationship.

We are always going to our own worse critic such as in looks, weight, intelligence and so on. But if you are really down on yourself I tend to believe that you become pretty suspicious of someones intentions. Therefore if a gentleman seems interested in a girl that is overweight you might read more into it. You might suspect he may think you are easy. But I can say I have been on both sides of the coin before. I have been skinny and overweight and I always trust my gut and have found sometimes I am right on the money about someone but I also have learned to not jump to quick to conclusions as something wonderful might just walk on by.

In saying that I figure it is kind of like playing cards you don't really ever know what hand you are going to get dealt. So best option in my opinion is to keep playing the game as perhaps you might draw an ace. And really the only way you are going to know what a person is truly after is to really get to know them. And most important always be honest with yourself:)

There are men out there that will be attracted to you because of your smile! I have one of them!

Just be patient and don't be too quick to decide that they are only interested in looks, sometimes we need to just take some time to make these decisions!

God Bless!

Janelle

Weeeeelllll.......speaking as a man, and on behalf of my male fraternity, I would have to say that when we first meet someone in a club, pub, then it is all about the sex.

That is what it comes down to in a mans world.

If he only likes big women, thats because big women turn him on.
If he only likes slim women thats because only slim women turn him on.
If hes not fussy then hes just a male slag.

Its a gamble but youve just got to use your judgement and try and decide whether he is sincere or not. (you will probably only know this after youve slept with him by the way. Dont trust us otherwise because men will say anything to get their leg over)

xxx