Good morning all, Although I have been on dailystrength for well over a year now, i am new to this group. My name is Cynthia, I have 2 children (ages 4 and almost 2) and my bf is a recovering addict. I am joining this group b/c i think it is finally time, that i focus a bit of attention on myself and my health.

I just turned 30 in Dec and have always been overweight for my height. I heard all the jokes as a child. They called me free willy, shamu, fatso, chubrock just to name a few. Kids can be so cruel and i was depressed most of the time. As a teen, i was always the biggest of my friends and i dieted relentlessly. I tried every fad diet, all the diet pills, even starving myself. Nothing ever worked. After i had my first child in 2008 i weighed in at 230lbs. I am 5 foot 3. I was at my best weight in 2009-early 2010 after using the alli diet for 5 months i was at 180lbsand felt fantastic. I had my second child in feb 2011 and have packed on the lbs ever since then. I am currently 255 lbs. God, that feels so good just to finally say it out loud to someone. My bmi is 44 and my dr has told me my choloesterol is extremeley high.

I always look at other ppl and think why cant i look like that, or i get angry when i see a woman wearing form fitting clothes. Currently my attire when i am not at work consists of sweatpants and t shirts. The only bra i can fit into right now is a sports bra. I am starting to realize that i dont have to look like everyone else. I just have to be the me that i am comfortable at. Right now i can barely stand to look at myself I am always hating myself and just embarrassed which makes me eat more and more. Stressful events in my life over the past year have gotten me to the point that i was just gorging myself on food until i could barely breathe. I am finally ready to go on the weight loss journey again. I am going to be using a reduced calorie/fat diet, workouts and the alli plan again. So just looking for some support and friends to share the journey with. thanks for listening.