Dear Stephanie 777,

Thank you for your post. It sounds like you have a reasonable and balanced plan. For me, 12 pounds a month would be way more than realistic most months, so I would just encourage you that no matter what your progress, whether you meet that goal, or fall short, that to appreciate yourself for caring about improving your overall health is still a great accomplishment.

Sometimes, in the past, I have just literally given up on my struggle with weight, body image, disordered compulsive bingeing and overeating. I felt like I was a failure and destined to be overweight for the rest of my life. So, I would quit trying, and give myself permission not to try to get physical activity and to eat whatever I felt like whenever I felt like it.

The problem with my flawed philosphy was that "I STILL HAD TO LIVE WITH MYSELF AND IT WASN"T GETTING ANY BETTER WITH THIS KIND OF STRATEGY....IT WAS GETTING WORSE!"

So, now I tell myself, "If I don't take better care of myself and keep trying, I will not like how I feel tomorrow. If I have hope that each and every baby step and small action, thought, attitude, nurturing choice that I make is pointing my compass in a better direction, I will feel better tomorrow from each tiny success I create."

So, that is my mission now. Progress is very slow for me. I started out at 330 pounds 3 years ago, and I have yo-yo'd and backslid some. But, I am 310 pounds now. It isn't much, but it is so much better than the constant weight gain or yo-yoing attempts I was making before.

This food, eating, weight, body image issue is such a life challenge. Thank you for bringing your journey to share with us, and I look forward to sharing the journey together.

thank you seekinghealthy. The goal really is to be healthy. Image has always been very important in my family and so therefore I grew up where if I gained 5 lbs it was like a natural catastrophe so you can just imagine how my family reacted when I ballooned up to almost 400 lbs. What they didn't know was what was really going on with me which was my illness which is the primary reason I got this heavy(pills, emotional eating, not sleeping) It's a constant struggle looking at myself being this heavy. I too am a domestic abuse survivor and that was also probably a contributing factor as well. You know the other thing is that even though I've lost about 80 lbs (and gained back some) I sometimes feel unaccomplished because I have so far to go. Like how did I let myself get so far. It doesn't discourage me from the process but it does put a hamper on my self esteem a little. I need to come to some kind of acceptance of myself at any weight. I once had a friend tell me that most people don't think about your weight when you are talking with them. They don't care about it as much as we the overweight people do. And society has not helped us with the constant images of you're only important if your thin mantra. I guess with myself I have to come to a point where I realize that I am beautiful inside and out at any weight. I've met some beautiful skinny people who are just ugly and some really heavy obese people who are just beautiful all around. So in response to your post I really appreciate the encouragement and I hope you can find some future success with your weight loss. But it really is true it's all about forging ahead even when you don't feel like your making progress. That is true success. Never giving up. And I would say that making right decisions can be hard but in the long run you feel so much better as you begin to see results. Even if it's just a little bit.

Thank you for your reply, Stephanie 777! You are so positive and encouraging. I hope we can continue to encourage each other in a healthy path.

I was just reading your journal about walking. I, too, prefer to walk 30 minutes every other day. I had ankle injuries in the past that have been predisposed to reinjury when I overdo walking at my current weight. Sometimes, I do walk 45 minutes, or 3 days in a row, but often, my body starts to let me know, often my KNEES that it is jarring on them and I need to back off.

I have been thinking I could do some floor calesthenics that do not put weight on my knees, but so far, I have just been thinking, not doing .... :-)

I wanted to share that I take an arthritis aquatics class, sponsored by the arthritis foundation and it is gentle, safe, easy, fun, no competition for appearance sake, no issues with sweating and overheating, puts no pressure on the joints of the body and the price is reasonable. I have done this for 3 years three times a week and I love it. It has given me back a better range of motion and improved my stamina.

At first, objected to the idea....I had not even owned a bathing suit in 7 years. Once I gained up to 250 pounds, back in 2002, I quit swimming and I felt too ashamed to be seen in a bathing suit. Somehow, again, out of desperation of knowing that maintaining and improving my mobility was something so important, I don't want to loose it, I humbled myself to buy a bathing suit at 330 pounds, and get in the water.

This does not feel like exercise. This feels like pleasure and enjoyment, so it is easy to keep looking forward to going. The people in arthritis classes are so accepting and varied, many with physical handicaps, old age, obesity, so no one judges anyone, we really have a supportive, accepting, non-judgmental environment in these classes.

Before aquatics class, I would try to push by walking longer and more often, and I repeatedly reinjured my ankle, which would require me to stay off of it and stop exercising all together for weeks or months at a time until it healed again. This was discouraging. Now that I can alternate aquatics (one hour a day x 3 a week) with walking (30 minutes x 3 days a week), I feel a good balance of activity.

For me, to progress to LOVING MYSELF ENOUGH to do the calesthenics or weight training with light weights and gentle stretching and yoga for 2-3 times a week for 30-40 minutes would be great. We are making progress....this is good!