Hello Shannon..Welcome! You are not alone and its tough on weight loss. I struggle on weight loss since I was a kid. Keeping a food journal helps and writting on a notebook on the healthy food chocies am making, am not 100% on plan..so seeing in a notebook helps me control and choose healthy choices. Hope this helps.


As for the exercise, start small, walking is best, baby steps on walking/marching indoors in your homr helps too.I weigh 450 and enjoy walking..there is a indoor home walking video by Leslie Sansone..You can do it and taking one day at a time. Good luck! :)

Liliann

Hon, I know exactly how you feel. I definately deal with the food addiction monster, but, with a twist, I think. When life is going good for me, my need to comfort myself with food goes way down, and I can stay pretty close to a normal weight. But, when life ISN'T good - and it's been a total and complete nightmare for the last eight years...downsizings, multiple major surgeries, serious financial problems, death of a loved one... the food monster just seemed to take over.

At one point, several years ago, I had lost 105 lbs on Weight Watchers. I still had some weight to lose, but, I looked and felt so good. I had kept the weight off for four years, then, after surgery to have my thyroid gland removed, the change in my metabolism and my personal problems resulted in my starting to gain weight again. I've now gained back 80 of the 105 lbs I lost and I look and feel miserable.

What I want to tell you is that you are not alone. I think it's so important for all of us to know that when we're going through tough situations. I know how you feel, as do many of us on this board. So, don't feel alone. : ) But, I want to tell you that I find your particular post very interesting. I'm 58 years old and never found my "Mr. Right", even though I knew from a very young age that that is what I wanted. I've always told myself that if I had a great relationship with a man I loved and who loved me, I would never feel alone, always have someone to talk to, AND, I wouldn't have a weight problem. In short, I thought having the "relationship of my dreams" would pretty much make my life perfect. Your post is proof positive that having what you think will make you happiest doesn't just magically "fix" everything in a persons' life.

That said, even though there are some people on this board who view people with overweight problems as just fat, lazy slobs who just need to get our lazy butts off the couch and exercise, I believe morbid obesity is a very complex problem that doesn't have easy answers. I DO believe the answers are there, but, they're not as easy as "just put the danged fork down and go to the gym". When you're ready, I've always found soul-searching combined with journaling to be very helpful in getting to the source of things that bother me. I would also like to recommend Geneen Roth's latest book, "Women, Food and God". It's an excellent book on food issues.

You're still young, and you don't want to carry this problem with you during your whole life. I can tell you from experience that, as we age, our bodies tolerate morbid obesity less and less. I've dealt with varying degrees of my weight problem for 50 years now, and have been morbidly obese for 20 of those 50 years. Right now, I weigh almost exactly what you weigh...about 290 lbs., (I'm also 5'7") and I easily feel a good 10 years older than I am as a result of what I weigh. My back hurts, my knees hurt and I cannot stand or walk around for more than 30 minutes or so. That's no way to live; and the body agrees, because - ask yourself - when was the last time you saw a very old, morbidly obese person? As you know, the answer is that you NEVER see such a person, because we die of weight-related issues before we REACH very old age. I don't say that to scare you, but, sometimes we just have to face the music, as they say.

Sorry - I always end up writing too much (lol!), but, my suggestion for you is do some real soul-searching about why you're choosing to comfort yourself with food. Journaling your thoughts as you go would be good, because it always helps to get things down on paper. To me, they seem less scary when they're right there on the paper. Read a few good books on eating disorders/issues. And, hon, talk with your husband about how the TWO of you can work to make this area of your lives better. You can do this alone, but, you'll be in a much stronger place if the two of you can be a united front with this. Regardless, you need to get him involved, because he is most likely involved in some of the reasons why you're overeating.

I want to commend you for having the courage to even be thinking about this. It takes courage to say to yourself, "...I have a problem. I may not know how to fix it right now, but, I admit to the problem." So many people don't even do that. You want to fix this not only for yourself and your marriage, but, for the children you mention you want to have. You want to be good role models for your children. You want to be healthy so you can lead full lives with them. You want to have the energy to run around with them and throw them in the air and walk around Disneyland all day. : ) You want them to be proud of you and not feel ashamed and sad because they have a heavy mom, or heavy parents. (Listing all the positive reasons for getting down to a healthy weight would be a great thing to add to your journal! In fact, I'm going to try that! : )

You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. The answers may not come today or tomorrow or next week, but, they WILL come. Just keep trying to find them...love yourself along the way (that can be a REALLY tricky one when society constantly screams size 4 at us) and never, NEVER give up.

Wishing you ALL the best,
Janice : )

hello shanon, as loveblue very rightly said that obesity is a very complex problem and it needs a holistic solution, i am reading a fantastic book nowadays byDr. Phil Mc Graw , 'The Ultimate Weight Solution-- the 7 keys to weight loss freedom' Belive me it is a fantastic book, very scientific and deals with obesity in a holistic way, from inside out.
i also read a fiction JEMIMA by Jane Green, and it is really a superb novel about a girl who is obese and how she tackles it, very intresting and inspiring. just check both of these books, and u can join me on my thread--- lets be more scientific in our approach,--- in this forum, we will be able to unite and share our strategies, i also need a partner.

best of luck dear.

Hi Shannon!
I am with you there. I too have alot of difficulty in walking and exercise due to pain and was so much to feel pretty and feel comfortable in my own skin. I am always here if you need to talk...sometimes it helps just having some good friends in your corner. Hugsss! Hang in there!! :o)

Thank you for your warm welcome and advice. It was tough even to get the courage to sign up here, but a friend has had so much support on here that I finally decided it can't hurt! I have tried a notebook, but it hasn't been much help. I haven't tried reading any weight books etc, and have thought about it. It's amazing, that even though I have found my "Mr. Right, that I still feel alone. We talk about it all the time, but only I can make the choice. He wants to help, but can only do so much when he's only home 5 days a month. What really doesn't help me is my mom. I love my mom so much, but she just keeps making me feel bad about myself. She doesn't do this intentionally. She too is overweight, and has struggled all her life. She has a thin sister, as do I and that makes it harder. She doesn't want me to have the life she had with her weight problem. I get that, but her constantly reminding me that I need to do something really just makes it worse. I have tried telling her this, but she just replies that she loves me and wants to help. Telling me I need to lose weight doesn't help, it just makes me feel ugly and ashamed. I want to change but need positive energy around me! I see what my mom goes through, yet I don't do anything. Why can't I make a change when I so badly want to?

Hey shanbanan *HUGS* take it one meal at a time, girl. It takes extra effort to do something good for you and there's really nothing convenient about it. With all thats going on lately I am screaming to just say the hell with it and go with convenience...but I was recently diagnosed with diabetes. Carbohydrates are dangerous for me in the wrong amounts. If you can see a dietitian just to get a little real life support and information. Knowledge is power. Its a hard road and I'm right there with ya. Hang in there.

It does help if you write down evevy morning what you are going to eat and stick to that only. It is not a easy road but on that is worth the ride. I too have been fat almost all my life and it is still a struggle. I try to have only helathy snacks in the house so when I get bored or just feel like I have to have something I can find some healthy treat. Good luck.

Hi, Shannon...

No one in their right mind eats themself into morbid obesity as a hobby or simply because they "like" food. When our relationship with food gets out of whack, there are always reasons behind the dysfunction. That's why I think soul searching helps so much. Just continually asking yourself questions about not only what is going on in our lives, but, WHO is in our lives.

I suspect that the combination of your mother and your husband play a significant part in why you overeat. Even though you know you husband loves you (congrats on your marriage, by the way!), it's got to be tough that's he's away from home for three weeks out of every month. No wonder you feel alone! It's unfortunate, but, just identifying that as a problem could very much help in learning how to deal with it.

As for your mother, I always had a very close relationship with my mother (she passed away last year), and it would have crushed me if she would have continually made me feel bad about my weight. Even though your mother says she means well, she is not getting it that her behavior is having the opposite effect of what she is intending for it to have. I would suggest sitting down and writing her a letter to let her know how her comments are making you feel, then have a heart to heart talk with her afterwards. Keep in mind that your mother may be afraid for you to lose weight and get healthy, because she will have two options at that point - lose weight with you OR be left overweight and "alone" (in that she won't have anyone to "share" her obesity with. In short, there could be all kinds of dynamics playing out in the background that you're not aware of. Your mother may also not be aware of them. That's one of the things that makes obesity, particularly morbid obesity, such a complex problem!

I believe a letter to your mother about how she makes you feel regarding your weight would open the door to have a heart to heart discussion about it. As for your question - why can't I make a change when I so badly want to - hon, that is a question I believe most of us ask ourselves. I've certainly asked it of myself. The unfortunate answer for me right now is that food simply offers me comfort that I haven't been able to find elsewhere, particularly since my mom passed away last year. I smile and laugh and am otherwise trying to live my life, but, deep down I feel very much alone in the world. It also amazes me that someone who gives out so much love gets so little in return. I've always said that if I was a drinker, I'd be an alcoholic; if I did drugs, I'd be a drug addict. I DID choose drugs in a sense - food. It simply makes me feel better - until I go shopping for clothes, or see myself in a mirror, or try to get up from a couch, or take a trip in a plane, or go to the doctor or out in public or deal with the million other situations morbidly obese people deal with that makes us feel horrible about our weight. When I can finally learn how to not use food to deal with non-food issues, I'll finally be on the road to recovery. Unfortunately, I'm just not there yet. But, I will never give up the fight.

You WILL find the answers to your weight issues, hon. They're already inside of you, just waiting to be discovered. Just keep seeking them. And, talk to your mother. With or without a letter, you need to work to really get her to understand how she is adding to the problem, not helping it.

Wishing you the best!
Janice : )

Everyone's advice and input is greatly appreciated. I have some demons in my closet and I have to learn how to make them go away so to speak. I know that I am on the right track by coming on here and seeking support from those with the same problem. As well, admitting I have a problem is very good too! Thank you all!! I will continue to write and seek advice and feedback, and together we can all make progress and share our stories. Good luck to all :)

Hi Shannon. Good on you for deciding to do something positive (by getting online and talking about your situation in a constructive forum). I can feel the collective wisdom of the people posting here and it's fantastic. Just the thing when you're feeling lower than a snake's belly.

I want to throw my oar in too, and remind you that beauty is more than our body appearance. I know it doesn't change the fact you feel bad. But it's encouraging to know our greatest beauty is in what we do with ourselves rather than our waistline.

I want to encourage you to do something that might seem a bit strange: forget about food. Don't worry if it's good food, bad food, and all the guilt for just a bit. Instead, think about some constructive things you can do that inspire you in your life.

What can you do that's loving and generous for others? How can you bring hope in someone else's life... tomorrow morning? What can you do to build relationship with your neighbors?

Sure, none of us like being overweight. But don't let it define you, okay? You are clearly a lovely person, so build on that strong base by making your actions count.

When we do that, I believe weight gain issues settle down (because we tend to had toward what's dominating our mind).

So be encouraged, Shannon. The answer is in you as a person.

NOPE not alone at all...I know how to cook delicious healthy meals, let me know if you want help with that.

Thanks John and Christian.
Both of your advice is great and I will take each into consideration. I have tried not thinking about food and putting those consuming thoughts into something more useful. I start out ok, then go back to my ways. It's great advice though. Food does not define me, and I have to stop letting it do that. I have so much going for me and I know if I put as much energy into helping others or doing things I love instead of thinking of food, then I will have won half the battle.
As for cleansing my body, that too is such a wonderful idea and it truely works. Congrats John on losing 52 lbs. I will look into that website, I know cleansing will kick start my weight loss so I have nothing to lose :D

You're most welcome Shannon. I believe it's a terrible thing that we feel obliged to judge our worth by how wide we are.

As for 'trying not to think about food' give that a miss.
Instead, I recommend getting busier. As busy as you can possibly be doing things that really mean something to you. Anxiety about food will settle down when your life is filled to the brim daily with important stuff to do that offers you fulfillment.

Science wise, Shannon, the experts tells us there are no short cuts to weight loss. Diets just don't work for over 90% of us. At least not in the long run. Over 90% of the population return to their overweight state within 5 years.

So I believe rather than sweating on how we look, let's make our moments count with the good we can do. That's what makes a life fulfilling anyway.

Your weight is no reflection on who you are. And every wise person knows that. So find people who inspire you, believe in you and accept you as a person. Let the weight thing sort itself out.

As for junk food, personally, I go for real food because it gives me more pleasure. Maybe finding tucker that appeals to you but makes your body happy could help you feel better too.

Anyway, Shannon, just remember: you are a lovely person with a lot to contribute. Make your life count with beautiful deeds and I believe you'll never look back.

You're most welcome Shannon. I believe it's a terrible thing that we feel obliged to judge our worth by how wide we are.

As for 'trying not to think about food' give that a miss.
Instead, I recommend getting busier. As busy as you can possibly be doing things that really mean something to you. Anxiety about food will settle down when your life is filled to the brim daily with important stuff to do that offers you fulfillment.

Science wise, Shannon, the experts tells us there are no short cuts to weight loss. Diets just don't work for over 90% of us. At least not in the long run. Over 90% of the population return to their overweight state within 5 years.

So I believe rather than sweating on how we look, let's make our moments count with the good we can do. That's what makes a life fulfilling anyway.

Your weight is no reflection on who you are. And every wise person knows that. So find people who inspire you, believe in you and accept you as a person. Let the weight thing sort itself out.

As for junk food, personally, I go for real food because it gives me more pleasure. Maybe finding tucker that appeals to you but makes your body happy could help you feel better too.

Anyway, Shannon, just remember: you are a lovely person with a lot to contribute. Make your life count with beautiful deeds and I believe you'll never look back.