Obesity Support Group
This community is dedicated to those of us struggling with obesity. Obesity is thought to be a significant risk factor in certain health conditions, leading to increased mortality. Find the support you need by sharing your story, asking questions, and learning from others on how they have coped.
I need to know that it is not all in my head.
This is my first post so please bare with me.
I have been overweight just about my whole life. Always was fine with it. Sure i wished in junior high I could have slipped into a size 7 like my best friend but I was content in my size 16's.
In my early 20's as I dated my husband, I was also on Weight Watchers and then Jenny Craig. You know how it is when you're in love...you don't eat. I lost 70lbs and got down to a size 12. At that time I was still fat in my eyes. I would kill to be a size 12..oh well. So 3 1/2 years later I got pregnant. And if you havn't guessed it already....you know what happen. I did not eat for 2 but for 200. Before pregnancy weight was 165...the day I had my daugher and left the hopsital I was 215....and I climbed from there.
Now lets fast forward to age 39 which was 5 years ago. My husband and I were finally in a position to live out our dream. We bought a house in the country so I could have horses. I had not ridden since I was about 12 years or so. I was now at 230lbs and bought my first horse. This act was to be the bane of my existence.
From that day on I would be in constant fear of hurting my horse. Even told by others I was fine to ride, But what this did instead was cause a horrible fear of getting up on a horse. A fear of riding. A fear of being seen as "the fat girl" on a horse, pointed and laughed at. I was afraid to trail ride for fear that if I got off my horse I could never lug my fat body back up...and my first horse was very tall. I got rid of the tall horse for an older more experienced horse but shorter. Now my dilemma is I am now 260 lbs. And if you have any experience in the horse world...you may have heard of the 20% rule....rider and tack must only be 20% of horses weight or you will crush your horse....okay not really crush but they might as well tell you your horseback riding days are over. So I should weigh no more than 200lbs. I weight 260..oh I already mentioned that. So now I want to ride and people say yes ride, you still can but mentally...I am a basket case.
Now about sex....When I lost 70lbs...sex was great. We had it often. But as i got bigger...sex got less and less. At 230 I was still intimate with my husband but I was very self conscious about it. At that point I did not realize that much of why I was having "female problems" was due to my mind being constantly on my body and my unhappiness with it at the same time we were bein intimate. Now at 260 I run from sex. I have become self loathing. All I can think about during the act is how gross I am and I try to avoid his hands anywhere that might have him think he's playing with the pillsbury doughboy. During sex my mind is doing a zillion miles an hour. I know I can't be the only one but he sure makes me feel like I am.
And now,.....this is new....the aches and pains. I hit 250-255 in January. All of a sudden I started having aches and pains at various times. It hurt to move and turn in bed. If I sat on the couch and watched TV in the evening....when I got up for bed...everything hurt and felt stiff. I work at home and when I get up to move...stiff and sore. I have rashes I never had. I get winded walking a hundred feet to the barn. I am tired all the time. I even have got to the point sometimes I don't want to go out.
So January was my turning point and my rock bottom. Here I was, going to be 44 this year and I hurt, was afraid to ride my horse, tired all the time and was trying every which way to avoid sex. In 2007 I had looked into weight loss surgery....and that's where it ended. In Jan 2009...I became serious and did all the research. I confronted my doc about it thiking that she would shoot down my idea but I was amazed when she smiled and got excited, So here I am...starting a 6 month class to educate me for this life altering surgery that I will have in Fall.
But I guess what I am trying to see is if all this is not in my head. Do others feel this way? Are you tired,a achey, sexless and afraid of life. I figured I have half my life left and I can't live it as I have been.
Sometimes I feel like such a mental case.
Thanks for taking the time and readiing my rants.
This is my first post so please bare with me.
I have been overweight just about my whole life. Always was fine with it. Sure i wished in junior high I could have slipped into a size 7 like my best friend but I was content in my size 16's.
In my early 20's as I dated my husband, I was also on Weight Watchers and then Jenny Craig. You know how it is when you're in love...you don't eat. I lost 70lbs and got down to a size 12. At that time I was still fat in my eyes. I would kill to be a size 12..oh well. So 3 1/2 years later I got pregnant. And if you havn't guessed it already....you know what happen. I did not eat for 2 but for 200. Before pregnancy weight was 165...the day I had my daugher and left the hopsital I was 215....and I climbed from there.
Now lets fast forward to age 39 which was 5 years ago. My husband and I were finally in a position to live out our dream. We bought a house in the country so I could have horses. I had not ridden since I was about 12 years or so. I was now at 230lbs and bought my first horse. This act was to be the bane of my existence.
From that day on I would be in constant fear of hurting my horse. Even told by others I was fine to ride, But what this did instead was cause a horrible fear of getting up on a horse. A fear of riding. A fear of being seen as "the fat girl" on a horse, pointed and laughed at. I was afraid to trail ride for fear that if I got off my horse I could never lug my fat body back up...and my first horse was very tall. I got rid of the tall horse for an older more experienced horse but shorter. Now my dilemma is I am now 260 lbs. And if you have any experience in the horse world...you may have heard of the 20% rule....rider and tack must only be 20% of horses weight or you will crush your horse....okay not really crush but they might as well tell you your horseback riding days are over. So I should weigh no more than 200lbs. I weight 260..oh I already mentioned that. So now I want to ride and people say yes ride, you still can but mentally...I am a basket case.
Now about sex....When I lost 70lbs...sex was great. We had it often. But as i got bigger...sex got less and less. At 230 I was still intimate with my husband but I was very self conscious about it. At that point I did not realize that much of why I was having "female problems" was due to my mind being constantly on my body and my unhappiness with it at the same time we were bein intimate. Now at 260 I run from sex. I have become self loathing. All I can think about during the act is how gross I am and I try to avoid his hands anywhere that might have him think he's playing with the pillsbury doughboy. During sex my mind is doing a zillion miles an hour. I know I can't be the only one but he sure makes me feel like I am.
And now,.....this is new....the aches and pains. I hit 250-255 in January. All of a sudden I started having aches and pains at various times. It hurt to move and turn in bed. If I sat on the couch and watched TV in the evening....when I got up for bed...everything hurt and felt stiff. I work at home and when I get up to move...stiff and sore. I have rashes I never had. I get winded walking a hundred feet to the barn. I am tired all the time. I even have got to the point sometimes I don't want to go out.
So January was my turning point and my rock bottom. Here I was, going to be 44 this year and I hurt, was afraid to ride my horse, tired all the time and was trying every which way to avoid sex. In 2007 I had looked into weight loss surgery....and that's where it ended. In Jan 2009...I became serious and did all the research. I confronted my doc about it thiking that she would shoot down my idea but I was amazed when she smiled and got excited, So here I am...starting a 6 month class to educate me for this life altering surgery that I will have in Fall.
But I guess what I am trying to see is if all this is not in my head. Do others feel this way? Are you tired,a achey, sexless and afraid of life. I figured I have half my life left and I can't live it as I have been.
Sometimes I feel like such a mental case.
Thanks for taking the time and readiing my rants.
Those are just some of the physical symptoms I experience. As for the emotional well low self esteem, depressed, sad and angry at times. My doctor wants me to get gastric bypass surgery however I decided for myself that I have not gave it 100 percent and dedication on trying to lose weight by watching what I eat and exercising and basically changing my life style.
For me I am not a fan of surgery of any kind and I think that mentally if I can't control my habits of eating properly first then that type of surgery could do me more harm then good. I realize that for myself I am at risk of getting so many things with my weight but again I have not really attempted to stick with any type of program for very long to get the results I want and that is something I need to start doing.
Anyway you are definitely not alone in the symptoms you have and I wish you the very best on your surgery and hope it can help you achieve the results you want:):):)