Obesity Support Group
This community is dedicated to those of us struggling with obesity. Obesity is thought to be a significant risk factor in certain health conditions, leading to increased mortality. Find the support you need by sharing your story, asking questions, and learning from others on how they have coped.
Hi guys, im new here. my names Lydia and im 26 years old and im obese. I needed to talk to people who actually know how i feel and i think i may have found the right place.
Im feeling pretty humitiated and ashamed today. I work at a preschool and one of the four year old boys said "your really big, do you eat a lot?"i wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. but i was working so all i could do was smile and move on. later on my break i sat in the bathroom and cried. i know he is just a little boy and he didnt mean it to be mean. but even so, it was humiliating. then after work my boyfriend came and picked me up in a nice rental car (we are going on a trip this weekend) and the seat was too small and the seatbelt didnt fit me. so we had to take the car back for a larger car. Even more humilating. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. the worse part is my boyfriend felt terrible because he could see i was upset.
i feel like the small amount of self esteem i do have is constantly being smomped on. its hard to even get through the day without crying sometimes.
Im feeling pretty humitiated and ashamed today. I work at a preschool and one of the four year old boys said "your really big, do you eat a lot?"i wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. but i was working so all i could do was smile and move on. later on my break i sat in the bathroom and cried. i know he is just a little boy and he didnt mean it to be mean. but even so, it was humiliating. then after work my boyfriend came and picked me up in a nice rental car (we are going on a trip this weekend) and the seat was too small and the seatbelt didnt fit me. so we had to take the car back for a larger car. Even more humilating. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. the worse part is my boyfriend felt terrible because he could see i was upset.
i feel like the small amount of self esteem i do have is constantly being smomped on. its hard to even get through the day without crying sometimes.
I'm so sorry you had a day like you did. Your experience reminds me of something that happened to me several years ago, when my daughter was in daycare. I was at my heaviest weight, 306 lbs. Because children can either be just downright cruel OR too young to "filter" their comments, I pretty much lived in dread that one of the children at the daycare would make a crappy comment about my weight. I didn't have to wait long...
As I walked into one of the daycare rooms that day to pick up my daughter, one of the children (who was actually the daughter of one of the co-owners of the daycare) referred to me as "Big Momma". The movie, "Big Momma's House", with Martin Lawrence, had just come out and her mom had taken her to see it. I still remember how much her comment stung, especially since she was about 10 years old - old enough to know better than to make a hurtful comment like that. Even though her comment got back to her mom and she was made to apologize, what she had said bothered me for a good while afterwards, especially since I could tell by her attitude as she apologized that the little shit wasn't really sorry for saying it.
Most people who have weight problems, particularly those of us who have serious weight problems, could sit down and write out a list of hundreds of things we hate about being overweight. As I come to the end of my 11th week back on my weight loss journey (I'm down almost 22 lbs so far), at the beginning, the holy grail question I had to ask myself was, "...why are you continuing to hold on to your morbid obesity when you hate it so much and it makes you look and feel so awful?"
When you have a serious weight problem, we're reminded of that fact every single day, in that we have to be mindful of where we sit, what we try to fit through (or INTO), etc. It's like we're in a constant state of having to think about our weight and the world's ongoing reactions to it.
What I would implore you to do is to take the focus off of how the world views your weight and focus on how YOU view your weight by doing some soul searching about it. In a period of time that is right for you...days, weeks, months, whatever, just try to take some quiet time on a fairly regular basis and just think about your weight and how it makes you feel. Obviously, as much as we hate it, the extra pounds are fulfilling SOME purpose, or we wouldn't be holding on to them. Instead, we'd let them go.
What I discovered during my soul searching was that my emotional eating was helping me to escape unresolved, painful feelings and experiences. Once I began to face them, as painful as facing the pain was, I didn't need to use emotional eating to help me to cope. I continue to face my feelings, even though they're VERY INTENSE sometimes, but, as I face them, learn to make peace with them, then let them go, the pounds are dropping off.
What I've learned is that, especially with serious weight problems, we feel bad that we're so overweight, then we eat to help us cope with feeling so bad about it, which just adds to our weight problem, which makes us feel worse, so we eat... It's like a horrible, toxic, vicious circle; like a sick little engine that keeps running and running and running.
I believe the soul searching helps us quiet the engine enough to begin to get to the source of our unhealthy relationships with food, because we can't know where we need to go until we first find out where we are.
It can be difficult to have a healthy level of self-esteem when little kids are making crappy comments about your weight and you have to return a rental car because you can't fit in it. The important thing for you right now is that you offer yourself self-love, understanding and compassion, because we all deserve that, whether we weight 125 or 525.
As you begin to get to the source of your unhealthy relationship with food, I know you will find that your self-esteem will go up as you begin to regain a healthy relationship with food and, as a result, the pounds start dropping off.
Losing weight is a journey not for the faint of heart, but, it's one that I'm absolutely convinced that we all have the strength to successfully take. (By the way - I'm a northern California girl too, so nice to see another California girl!)
Wishing you all the best!
Janice : )
I just want to welcome you to the group. I've only been here 3 weeks, but it is a great place to get and give support.
You can do it! Keep your chin up. We are here to help. Send me a friend request if you'd like to correspond outside of this board. (In a more private way.)
loveblue2
very well said indeed.
your in the right place lyds85 hugs and hugs joanne xxxx
Please feel better about yourself.
The first thing we need to learn is to ignore these things because it's impossible to live our life without (nasty) comments.
Now as for the seatbelt issue, I can't remember the last time I could fit into a seatbelt. I remember when I would go on dates, I'd have to ask beforehand what kind of car they had and hope they didn't think I was being superficial when all I wanted was to make sure I could fit into it but I couldn't say that to someone I hadn't even met yet. I think that if you are eating healthy & exercising and are in good health then you have nothing to worry about. But if something needs to change then maybe these are subtle reminders to never forget your health.
I know that my boyfriend keeps telling me not to eat so much ice cream and it gets on my nerves like crazy to the point where I feel resentful but once I calm down I realize that wait a minute maybe someone is working through him to remind me it's not good to eat so much ice cream. Maybe it's not him, but a reminder from above.
I am obese and have been struggling with it for years, however I am on a journey to end it.
You are not alone out there. I decided to write a book on Obesity and took two years doing interviews. You can download it for free and it is a short read it will only take aprox 45 min to read. It is called Obesity Among Us / Taking the Journey to end it. It is Christian based and I hope it will help you see there is Hope.. It talks about what an obese person has to go through emotionaly, physicaly and spiritualy. I am not here to promote my book, just to help others know the truth of what an obese person has to go through.
http://www.wix.com/insightgodsway/obesity-among-us#!
I will pray for you and keep talking and sharing with others, we all need the support LeeAnn
What I am about to describe to you is by no means an exaggeration of details. It is the truth to what some of us have to go through. The details that you will read about in the next few pages are very graphic and explicit. I truly hope they will move you to look at the obese person in a different way than the majority of our society does. That it will move you to want to help, to come along side them and offer your support.
We all know that obesity is a growing problem in our society. We hear about it on the local and national news, we read about it in the doctors office and we see it every where we go. Have you ever been to a mall and looked around to see how many overweight people there are? Do you try to avoid going near them? Some just do not feel comfortable around obese people; we see this reaction in the work place, amount friends, and family members and even in our own churches.
The humiliation that we have to go through can often be so devastating that some will stop being seen in public and have been known to go into hiding. The self destructive patterns are a vicious cycle, they go around and around. Some of the physical things they have to endure are painful and can be so devastating such as trying to find clothes to fit. The department stores for large people carry sizes up to 4X but there are some who need a larger size then this. Under garments are almost impossible to find for this size so they either use make shift ones or wear none at all.
Restaurants do not require the booths or chairs to sit in large enough for the obese person. This goes for the public transportation like buses, trains, and planes. Seat belts can be a major problem as they do not make them large enough even in our modern automobiles. Public restrooms are a very horrible experience. If the restroom stalls are not wide enough the obese person can not even wipe their bottom correctly after a bowel movement. To even attempt to do this they have to drop their clothes to the floor or pull them up around their waist and spread their legs far apart to accomplish this personal task.
Taking a shower or bathing in a tub is another experience that requires a lot of effort. It is so hard for the obese person to lower themselves in or pull themselves out of the bath tub. It can be very difficult to even wash certain areas of the body because of the enormous amount of fat they have to get around. Some of the simple things like washing of the feet can be almost impossible.
To be able to reach down and tie a shoe or put on a pair of socks can be a major task. Not being able to take care of their bodies properly can cause lots of medical problems to go along with the obesity. Sometimes the feet get dry and cracked and the toe nails can develop fungus under them. With the folds of fat there are the problems of sores developing. Under the rolls of fat it can get sweaty, stinky and chapped. The lower parts of their legs and their feet can get so swollen that they turn red from lack of circulation and this can be so painful it is almost impossible to walk.
Then there are the medical problems we all hear about, just to mention a few: heart disease, lung problems diabetes and high blood pressure. This creates the problem of little or no exercise which then turns into that vicious cycle again. How to help their selves can be so overwhelming they just do not know where to start or what to do. Some have even had surgery done to only end up gaining back the weight. Others have tried diet pills, been on every diet there is available to the public and often times support groups have been tried to end up with no lasting changes.