I understand how you feel, friends and family constantly tell me- "no offence but you need to lose weight, i worry about you" - ok, well, offence was taking and it hurts, Like i dont know that I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, i am not blind. I do wonder sometimes why they even mention it, it seems like an attack towards me, and i know they dont mean it that way, but it still bothers me. And people saying we chose to live this way, well, i understand what they mean but it so hard.

It is hard, and they just don't understand thier comments hurt.

Some people don't understand what its like to be fat, and thus think that rude comments are ok. It's different for people who are overweight vs someone who is a smoker perhaps. We don't consider it rude to say "smoking is bad for you" but bc being over weight affects our image of ourself, we tend to take comments about being heavy much more personally. Also, people who don't have a food addiction do not understand what it is like to struggle daily with food choices. Being fat is never our "choice", but it is the consequences of suffering from a food addiction.

Exactly! They are not in your shoes so, they don't understand. I think that they are trying to be helpful but, are actually are being offensive. "Skinnys" don't understand(someone who has always been skinny). It is a very hard struggle. We can't just turn our hunger off. It takes alot of work.

People who have never had a weight problem really can't know how difficult losing weight and keeping it off can be. For the most part, I really believe they think losing weight is as simple as "just not eating as much".

Our family members seem to have this magical ability to make comments that can really hurt us. Sometimes that's their intention, but, other times I think they're just clueless as to how hurtful their remarks can be.

Personally, I think it's a waste of energy to expect that the comments from our family members that irk us will stop. Same for trying to understand why they say what they say. I just try to remember that I can't change other people - all I can do is work on myself. You'll just drive yourself crazy trying to make them understand.

Sometimes the best way to deal with family members (other than refusing to allow them to push your buttons) is to let what they say go in one ear and out the other. And, it's important that we learn to do that, because if we allow comments about our weight made by family members to "get" to us, that can be a hinderance in our losing weight and getting healthy.

So, you mentioned to your dad that you were starting to exercise by taking walks again and his response upset you. So, now you know. I wouldn't mention anything about it again...just let your weight loss do the talking.

They don't understand - and they never will. The sooner you accept that, the happier you'll be. Otherwise, they will drive you stark raving mad.

Have a great New Year, hon!
Janice : )

My family used to hurt me a lot because of my weight. He didn't mean to hurt.., they wanted to help but they hit me with their words and with the look on their face. Maybe the look is even worse.
Thank God somehow they stopped all of this, I don't really know why. Maybe they accepted me more or less?
But this Christmas the topic was how pretty and slim my sister and my brother were. All the time.. look how pretty she is... how tiny she is... And I was standing there and I felt like a big sack of rotten potatoes. They didn't say anything to me.. but still. I guess you can relate.
Well I am over it by now.
If we accept ourselves (and of course it doesn't necessary mean that we don't want to lose weight) nobody can hurt us.

thanks ladies. thats great advice Janice. i think i will stop talking about my wieght with my father because its just a trigger for rude comments that i dont need to hear. my mother is very supportive of me, so i will continue to talk with her about it. i think instead of getting upset we need to realize they arent in our shoes and dont understand.

I feel people shouldnt say things like this to me bec I wouldn't consider it my duty or caring to make some remark to them. If they had a large birth/red mark on their face would I sugggest they use a certain brand of concealer because it would cover it up more (thinking I was helping them out). Would THEY take it THAT way? I was just being "caring".

I hate my own situation. I'm living a healthier lifestyle, dropped nearly 100 pounds and am slowly getting back to my old competition shape, BUT i live in a house with people who eat like shit, fry with butter, oil and grease or order out and who break out in a cold sweat, rambling excuses when you even bring up the very idea of exercise. My wife is obese and keeps being told by her morbidly obese mother sitting in her power chair cause she can't walk anymore, in large part because of her weight, that she needs to go work out because she's getting too big....REALLY ?? I want to just scream at her.."Look in a mirror sometime" !!!!
I even try to suggest she get healthier alternatives at the grocery stores (turkey bacon, ground turkey, etc.) she just says no, this tastes better.
I'm just SOOO grateful that we're finally moving out of here this month !!!! If her family wants to kill themselves slowly, i say let em' ! But i'm sure as hell not about to go down with them. As it is, i give her mother only another year anyway. Her unemployed brother lives here too btw. He just locks himself up in his room and comes out only for bathroom or to get more garbage out of the kitchen and take it to his room and eat. He has severe gout and can hardly walk because he eats like shit and he's had a liver transplant from years of being a drunk and now his new liver is suffering because of his lack of diet and exercise. He's been in the hospital for almost too weeks now because he turned yellow again.

Iv'e tried to help this family, but no one wants to listen. So, i'm just looking out for me.

People are always sayin offensive things to me; as well. I was sick the other day and my father looks at me and says "Christa you look like you have been overeating" He ment no harm, but it hurts all the same. I told my mother that I was joining the gym, and she said why do you keep doing this to yourself, exercise for a while and then stop. The answer to that question is IDK. I truly do not want to be this fat and unhealthy. I need to change, and I am aware. I will change!!!!!!

Yeah, I have had my share of those kind of comments, too...and I always think the same thing...Ohhh, I need to lose weight??? WOW I NEVER NOTICED THAT! Thank you, Sherlock Holmes!
It's like people think if you're overweight you also must be blind or just deeply stupid.
I'm a vegetarian and eat pretty healthy, most of my weight went on after I was on depo for 16 years and started to get sick from Lupus.
I hate the assumption that it's my fault, that I just eat wrong or too much, or a little exercise is all I need. I'm a vegetarian, and have to restrict calories severely just to make a little progress. And with my Lupus exercise is very difficult.
So "you need to start exercising" just makes me want to say "you need to shut up about shit you don't understand."
Which is because I'm cranky from dieting.
:oP

@longhaul i really relate with your story! i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and his brother is sleeping in our garage and his father is sleeping in our spare room. his brother has been umemployed for 3 years and just finally found a part time job but is still very dependent on us. his father has severe diabetes and had to have half his foot amputated and needs help all the time. they both CONSTANTLY make remarks about how my boyfriend and i are heavy but when i cook healthy food they complain that they dont like what im cooking for dinner. they often times go buy us fast food or instist i cook something more fattening. ive gotten to where i just cook what i want to cook and they just dont eat it. but jeez how the heck can you complain about our size but then you want to keep unhealthy food around. mind you they are both on the heavy side too just not as heavy as we are. living with family really SUCKS i just want to say! Especially when they are in laws! they are so ungrateful for everything we have done for them. they just want to critisize that we are fat. i just want to say ok yeah im fat, im glad you have noticed :p

@saphira i always wonder why people think its their duty to remind us we are fat. also, even though i dont have a health problem, how do they know i dont have a health problem. they dont know why im fat. being this heavy is a mental thing anyway its not even about the food. eating is a way that i cope. i can control what i eat, i can get comfort from the food i eat. people really need to learn that theres more to being heavy than the food.

What others think of you is none of your business=) Love yourself and all kinds of new and exciting things will open up for you !

I know what you mean. Her mom supports my goals 100% but refuses to either cook or eat healthy and is morbidly obese. I, like yourself, just decided to do my own thing. Her lazy, unemployed and disabled brother (disabled because he doesn't take care of himself for shit either) lives with us too and had to have a liver transplant 5 years ago due in part to alcohol abuse. He just recently spent two weeks in the hospital because of his habits and on his way home from there, the idiot actually stopped and got MORE fast food to bring home !! His mother also got some and actually told me that morning that he needs to change his eating....while she herself was putting gobs of butter in a pan to fry some ham !!! I actually had to leave the room i was so so pissed.