That is such a lovely post, Liliann. I wish more people felt that way. I have felt these things for a long time now but it is hard to convince my doctors about them.

Well, I agree that dieting doesn't work - especially the 1,000 calories a day kind being undertaken by someone who weighs close to 400 lbs. The only thing that works is learning to have a healthy relationship with food and making good food choices.

And, yes, we all need to love and accept ourselves just as we are. BUT - the fact that we love ourselves should also include our doing our very best to reach and maintain a healthy weight for our age and height.

Yes, you need to stay active and yes, you need healthy numbers from lab work - but you also need to see a healthy number when you step on a bath scale, Liliann. You may not have diabetes, etc., now, but, I can guarantee you that, the older you get, the less your body is going to be able to handle the weight you're requiring it to handle. That's why you never see a very obese, very elderly person; they die from a weight-related illness before they REACH an advanced age.

I tried to tell you that your body was going to revolt against the 1,000 calories a day thing you were doing, but, your response was "...I know what I'm doing...". Now, since it appears that your body HAS revolted, it sounds like you're trying to rationalize just staying the size you are and just loving yourself, when the path you needed to take was just giving your body a break by not being SO strict with your caloric intake, so that you could have gone the distance with your weight loss. It would have taken longer, but, you would have gotten there.

Say what you will, but, God does not make 400+ lb people, Liliann. He gives us the wisdom to eat sensibly so that we have healthy bodies of a normal weight. When some of us (myself included) develop emotional eating habits, I believe God is there to help us learn to have healthy, non-emotional relationships with food.

There are multi-millions of people of normal weight who love food. You don't have to give up your love of food in exchange for a healthy body. You just need to learn moderation. I eat any food I want to eat - I'm just learning to eat in moderation.

I've lost just over 25 lbs the first 17 weeks back on my journey. With 130 lbs YET to lose, would I have liked to have lost at least double the 25 lbs my first 17 weeks? Absolutely. But, I know if I push my body too far, it will revolt. And, once it revolts, my current weight loss attempt is over. Some weeks, I've only lost 1 lb - or nothing at all. But, the idea is to keep going until you reach the finish line - no matter how long it takes.

I agree, the 1,000 calories you were eating absolutely slowed down your metabolism - because your body thought food was in VERY short supply. Had you given it more food, (maybe upped your caloric intake, for your current weight, to about 1,750 calories) your metabolism would have been just fine, and you would have slowly but steadily continued to lose weight.

Say what you will, Liliann, but, no one in their right mind is happy with weighing almost 400 lbs. No one. You are taxing your body and jeopardizing your long-term health. You need to consider counseling if you feel that you can only be happy if you're super morbidly obese. But, please stop kidding yourself - no one is happy with weighing almost 400 lbs. That's just your food addiction talking.

I still believe in your ability to do this, Liliann, so please don't give up on this. You just need to learn to stay on the weight loss wagon in a more sensible, less restrictive way.

PLEASE read the Emotional Eating mental exercise post I posted on 9/17. I KNOW it would help you if you follow it.

I still believe in you,
Janice

Self-acceptance means acknowledging where you are now, but don't forget to take easy healthy meals everyday.

Self-acceptance means acknowledging where you are now, but don't forget to takeeasy healthy mealseveryday.

Can we accept ourselves if we are very far from being healthy because of our own eating habits? If our body is our own cage, too? I often wonder about these questions..
Could I be happy in this body? I feel the answer is no. But this is just my answer.
I hope you can accept yourself better than me.

Loveblue, I usually agree with you and you seem like a sensible person.

But I can't agree with some of the things you say above. Why shouldn't Liliann be happy to be who she is? Should she be miserable until she reaches some imagined "goal weight" at which point she will somehow become happy? I don't understand what you mean.

You may have chosen to lose weight and it seems you are successful, that's great. It doesn't mean you should say what anyone else should or should not do, or that others will have the same success and fulfilment if they do the same thing. We are all different and I believe the most important thing is to be happy, wherever you can find that. You find that in weight loss. Liliann may find that in her boyfriend or family instead. Who knows what might happen in the future, I think it is important to try and be happy right now with who you are. The part I disagree with is when you say "no one in their right mind is happy with weighing almost 400 lbs" and then repeat yourself "But, please stop kidding yourself - no one is happy with weighing almost 400 lbs". YOU might not be happy - but how can you state so definitely that NOBODY is? Have you interviewed every person in the world who is that weight? Why shouldn't someone be happy regardless of their weight?

And if Liliann is happy with her life and starts enjoying things, this may well lead to weight loss anyway since she is no longer comfort eating and may become more social, move about more, etc. Why shouldn't the happiness and self-acceptance come first?

There is a self help book that is my lifeline and working with it..Its called Overcome Overeating by Jane H and Carol Hunter. It expresses on stop dieting and living in the present. Compulsive eating is complex!! Listen to stomach hunger and eating foods that you love..and not eating from mouth hunger(food is available)

I am happy, healthy, I have a great body that I wake up each mornng and count my blessing that I am alive and able to move my body and cherish life more pleasant.

Dieting does not help at all..It creates more problems that doing good. There is so many diets which does not solve anything..I had spent countles money during this dieting game and lead me no where.

Look at Carnie Wilson, she had weight loss surgry years ago and now gained it back. I seen her new show last week and she looks happy and not worry about her weight. She is my big beautiful woman Idol and finally except her size and living life to the fullest!!!!

Weight loss is a wishful thinking, like playing a lottery on winning the game on which diet is best, etc. I had spent so much time and effort and never realized how special BBW are. Maybe I loose, maybe not..Its a fantasy!!! Only the higher power knows.

Liliann

You must do what makesYOU happy. To accecpt yourself and be happy is a wonderful treasure.

I agree that you should love yourself as a creation of God, but the Bible speaks against gluttony ("their God is their belly"). It also tells us that our God-given bodies are THE TEMPLE of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, gluttony is a sin. If you respect God, you will respect your body. I agree with Loveblue that you are rationalizing if you say you are happy weighing what you do. Just this morning when our senior bldg. went food shopping, there was a 400 lb. man who went with us. He is so impaired by obesity that he needed help getting his groceries into the bldg. when we got home. You are now in your 40's and think your body can be healthy at 400 lbs.? Guarantee you, by 50 (if you're still alive) it will NOT serve you. Loveblue gave you good advice: count calories, but make it a more reasonable intake, like 1700 or 1800 calories.

Lizzie - you've misunderstood my post, hon. I believe one of the KEY components of life, regardless of whether we're on a weight loss journey or not, is being happy with yourself - and we learn to do that by loving and accepting ourselves just the way we are.

While I love myself, and love who I am as a person, at the same time, I AM NOT happy with the fact that I am morbidly obese. That part of me will never be ok, mainly because I know I have the ability to get control of my emotional eating, so that I can have a healthy relationship with food. We ALL have that ability, it's just that some of us know that and some of us don't.

As for my stating that "no one in their right mind can be happy with weighing 400 lbs", I think you've misunderstood what I was trying to say. I didn't say a 400 lb person can't be happy. I said no one in their right mind can be happy with the fact that they weigh 400 lbs, although some super morbidly obese people try to convince themselves otherwise because they have such a serious food addiction that they don't want to give that up, so, they rationalize that they feel perfectly ok with weighing 400 lbs.

I've been reading Liliann's posts for several months. What I've noticed is that it's all or nothing with her. She either goes on these very, very strict weight loss plans, where she almost sets herself up for failure right out of the starting gate, or she gives up completely. Last week, when she mentioned going on the 1,000 calories a day plan, I knew it wasn't going to work. A 400 lb body simply cannot handle only 1,000 calories a day. When I tried to suggest the she up her calories a little, her response was "...I know what I'm doing...". So, now that her body has let her KNOW it can't handle only 1,000 calories a day, maybe some of you interpreted her last post differently, but, my interpretation of her post, when she wrote, specifically, "Why change?" is that she equates being miserable with losing weight and that she loves food too much to deny herself. She's rationalizing because she doesn't feel she has the ability to give up her food addiction. The frustrating thing is - she DOES have the ability! We ALL do! She can still enjoy all the foods she loves - she just needs to learn to do that in moderation!

Tackling emotional eating is NOT for the faint of heart! I know it hasn't been for me, but, I cannot even put into words how great it feels to get control of something I thought it was impossible to get control of. And, every single one of us has that ability. Because the emotional eating mental exercise I devised has proven to work so well for me, I posted it so that it could possibly help others as well.

I absolutely believe that we need to love ourselves just the way we are, regardless of whether we weigh 125 or 525. I've posted that SEVERAL times on this board. But, an important part of loving ourselves is taking care of ourselves physically, which means being honest enough to face the fact that we have a weight problem, then taking the steps to fix it. But, fixing it is hard, HARD work - that's why the weight loss industry makes a gazillion dollars in profits every year.

I consider myself to be happy, even with my stresses and troubles in life. But, I am NOT happy with the fact that I currently weigh 275 lbs, just like I wasn't happy with the fact that I used to weigh 306 lbs. You can be happy, yet still not be happy with one component of your life. That is the point I was trying to make in my post to Liliann.

When I first did my soul searching about making another attempt to lose weight 18 weeks ago, one of the questions I asked myself was "...do you love yourself enough to give yourself the gift of health by getting control of your food addiction and establishing a healthy relationship with food?" And, I had to be honest with that answer, because if I said "yes", I would have to prove it every day by having the courage to face my food addiction/emotional eating. During these last 18 weeks, I'm not absolutely convinced that, if we do this in a sensible way that is not too restrictive, we can absolutely be successful on this journey.

What Liliann does, when she decides to get back on the weight loss train, is restrict herself SO much, she literally sets herself up for failure. And, it's SOOO frustrating, because I KNOW she can do this! I've seen something in her where she could make these incredible health changes in her life, if she would just GO ABOUT IT IN A MORE SENSIBLE, LESS RESTRICTIVE WAY! Instead, she sets herself up with these doomed to fail plans, and she won't listen to ANYone who tries to help her have some success.

I had said months ago that I was just going to back away from suggestions for Liliann, because it's frustrating when you try to help someone succeed, but, they won't listen. After this attempt though - I'm done. I will say this though - although, of course, NO, I haven't talked to every morbidly obese person on earth, I still believe that no one wants to be 400 lbs, nor is thrilled with seeing that number when they step on a bath scale. I believe we ALL have the ability to get control of our food demons without nearly starving ourselves to death. And, we don't have to be miserable as we make our way on this journey.

I'm really sorry if I offended you or anyone else on this board...and that includes, most of all, Liliann. You have everything within you, Liliann, to make this journey successfully, without starving yourself half to death and being miserable. You also don't have to give up your love of food to successfully lose weight. I hope you'll rethink your decision down the road and decide to take the journey again. I'm sorry I couldn't make you see what I see in you.

Janice

OMG - well, so much for PROOFREADING! lol!! In paragraph 8 (and I'm, sooo sorry my post was so long!!!), I put "...I'm not absolutely convinced..." Obviously, I meant to say "...I'm absolutely convinced..."...

Sorry!
Janice : )

I can understand what Liliann and Janice are saying but its every person feels different about their body. There are a few bbw clubs where I live and I see women from 200 - 500 pounds in skimpy outfits shaking their a** on the dance floor. I personally am not happy with my body. I have been big my entire life and was not made to be a skinny person but I want to get down to what I call a normal fat person. I consider that about 230 pounds, I know some will not agree but I am currently 360 so 230 is good for me. I want to be able to go on rides, fit in a booth, be able to ride a bike or roller skate and not have anything holding me back in life.

I have always been healthy and shocked doctors with my great test results until 3 months ago. I am 31 and diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri. It is found mostly with obese women during child bearing age but people younger and older have been diagnosed. This condition causes daily headaches and vision loss. The medicine I have to take has lots of side effects and has completely changed my life.
The point I'm trying to make is you can think you're healthy and in a blink of an eye get diagnosed with a rare condition because you are obese.

Also, I received good info from a specialist regarding counting calories. He said the average 300 pound person eats 3,000 calories a day so to prevent the body from going into starvation mode, you should subtract 500 calories from your daily intake and every time you stop losing to subtract another 500.

I wish you all good luck!

Moriah

I absolutely see what you're saying, Moriah. There would be a significant difference in how you feel by dropping 100 lbs. For some people, weighing 230 lbs after dropping those 100 lbs would still seem like a "failure" of sorts. But, years ago, (before my thyroid gland decided to die), I went from 306 to 204. I literally felt as light as a feather at 204, compared to what I had been at my heaviest weight.

The caloric advice your doctor has given you is sound advice. Following that advice, by eating 500 calories a day less than your body needs, and since we have to eat 3,500 calories less than our body needs to lose a pound, you could expect to lose one pound every week - which is about what I've been doing since I started my journey 18 weeks ago (down 26 lbs in 18 weeks). I'm RARELY hungry and my body is happily going along with the program.

The problem is, losing one pound a week requires PATIENCE, which goes against what we (at least those of us in the US anyway) have been engrained with. Everything is instant this, instant that. We want it fast and we want it now. But, healthy weight loss that you body is willing to tolerate without staging an all out mutiny takes time and patience. If we're willing to take the time and be patient, our bodies will reward us by cooperating with our weight loss efforts, and it will CONTINUE to work with us all the way to our goal, whatever feels right for us.

We don't have to do anything drastic, and we can still enjoy the foods we love. In fact, when you know you're eating non-emotionally and sensibly, you find that you enjoy food MORE than you did when you were just stuffing your face...because there's no guilt involved. You're making good, sound food choices, while enjoying the occasional indulgence here and there.

You're on the right track, Moriah. Wishing you the very best on your journey!

Janice : )

I totally agree with Janice. But I feel Liliann simply doesn't hear what we are saying here.

Liliann! You can decide to be happy this way. I wish you all the luck from the bottom of my heart. But sooner or later it is going to have a price. A big one.

I am sorry I misunderstood you Janice.

I think a lot of the time the tools and support we need to lose weight are very hard or impossible to find. If someone wants to quit smoking here in the UK, their doctor gives them a pack with patches, leaflets, advice, they get sent on courses...all free of charge. Of course that is great.

But if you want to lose weight, you get none of that. Your doctors berate you and force drugs and surgery on you and tell you to make an effort, jump off the couch and stop munching donuts. Every says these things, friends, family, the media. And it is NOT helpful. In fact it is very damaging. There seems to be a trend of blaming us for our weight which only makes things worse - we feel bad we cannot lose weight, so we comfort eat. There are a lot of obstacles to losing weight and very little support. I admire you and others who have got through these, but for some of us they are just impossible.

I for example have other health conditions not connected to my weight. These and other factors have screwed me up to such an extent that I cannot eat normally. But there is no help available and I cannot fix what is wrong on my own, I need proper counselling to do that. The doctors are not prepared to provide that at any time I can attend. So I have decided to forget about weight loss and try and be happy how I am.

I don't know why I said all that, I just wanted to try and explain why I agree with Liliann.