I wouldn't overgeneralize by saying that all people without N as unsupportive, unwilling, unsympathetic or unkind. Everyone's personalities, characteristics, values, beliefs, etc are very individual and vary a lot from person to person, narcoleptic or not. (Even in relationships between 2 people without N, there are problems and misunderstandings; we, PWN, often only see our world through the N. window IMO.) However, Narcolepsy is a lifelong medical condition. Although I know N is different for each person who has it, there are some things, like EDS, napping, and low energy levels that are common (correct me if I'm wrong). Saying that you don't want to date/be with someone with N is not to say that PWN are somehow inferior. I bet a partner with N WOULD be more understanding. For me, personally, I would find it frustrating. Although I have N, I've dealt with it for so long without knowing, that I've developed quite a few coping skills, and I fight against it. I'm always seeking a partner who will bring out what I consider my best qualities and encourage the habits and activities I feel make me a better person (sleeping excessively is not one of them). For example, I have a problem with over-eating and eating the wrong foods. I grew up eating nothing but processed and boxed foods, so I'm slowly working towards eating more non-processed foods and learning to cook them. I would prefer to date someone who grew up eating healthy or that this just isn't a weakness or vice for him. If I were to date someone who ate fast-food all the time and over-indulged on a regular basis, guess what I would end up doing? There's evidence out there to support the fact that what a partner does often turns into what both people do. Do you ever see a daily smoker with a non-smoker? How many times have seen a couple in which one person is really healthy and the other is obese? I suspect it doesn't happen very often.

I don't expect to be the "weak link" in the relationship, as in the case of a nurse/patient. I would hope to offer my various strengths to the relationship as well. Like yin and yang. I don't think learning how to be supportive of a PWN is difficult (at least in my case b/c I don't have cataplexy). I just think it's widely misunderstood, and if my partner can't understand, then I don't think I want to be with him. I have the fortunate (I guess?) situation that I am single and looking now instead of in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand and trying to make it work.

I feel it's our responsibility to educate as many people as we can to improve the situation all around.

I know a happily married couple where the wife has Crohn's Disease. I'm sure there are lots of couples where one person has a condition that highly affects QOL, but the couples keep on keepin' on. The difference is how the condition is perceived and the presence of accurate information.

Just because someone is legally blind, does not mean that he or she should date someone who is blind just because the other person can relate better than a seeing person--not that it doesn't happen, but there's nothing wrong with a blind person dating a seeing person either. Same with people in and out of a wheelchair, and I'm sure there are many other examples like this.

I guess it's a personal choice, and, honestly, if I ended up dating a PWN (unintentionally), and it worked out personality-wise, then great. The odds are slim that I will ever run across a PWN in my dating endeavor at all. I'm certainly not going to go to a support group and start asking people out simply based on the fact that they have N. "Yes, we both have the same thing wrong with us. Let's give it a shot." as if that's all you need to make a relationship work. I would consider it an insult. I am not just my condition.

1. thank you for replying
2.in the words of forrest gump, i may not be a smart man, but i no what love is.
3. ido no definition of what it means to be a narcoleptic, make no mistake i'm the real deal. for a really long time close to 30 yrs.
4. i meant no insult towards you or any other easily offended pwns,out there. i tend to have that effect on people.
5. narc. is all about selfdiscipline ,and coping mech.and observation and knowing your personal limits with your own case in life.
6. this is why i come here , other peoples oppions a different prespective of life , and a little drama mixted in for kicks and giggles.

Sorry if you felt I was doubting you knew the definition N. When I reply to discussions, I tend to write as if everyone in the support group were reading instead of just the original poster. Just a habit, I guess.

I also try to convey in my posts that I don't think I know everything. I certainly don't!

It's interesting, Alisha, you give me the impression that if you were with someone who also had N, you would feel like it somehow reinforced your own condition, whereas if you date a PWON, somehow they can distract you from it or love you out of it.

Well, I guess you said it flat out, that you fight against it. Sleeping excessively doesn't make you a better person. Truth be told, sleeping has absolutely NOTHING to do with who you are as a person...good, bad, or indifferent. And the problems you (we, us, most of us PWN) have with eating and weight control are tied to our condition and the destruction of the cells that not only control sleep hormones but hormones related to appetite control and metabolism.

No one can encourage that out of you. It's exactly what we try to explain to people all the time.

I'm not saying that those aren't the right things to want out of a relationship or that I don't want the same in general, but I don't think it's (uh oh, brain went blank...hang on, word will come) (okay, maybe it won't, picking a substitute) sensible to expect the right person to help you "overcome" your narcolepsy. Rather, the right person should help you be exactly who you are, to the best of your ability, expand your boundaries, but learn your limits, and that means accepting yourself and your condition, whether it's N, diabetes, MS, asthma, whatever.

All that being said, I certainly understand where having another PWN around would be frustrating and probably uncomfortable.

For me, I don't have an official "preference" either way. I would love to have someone who understands the weird little things I go through and who doesn't mind my napping and moods.

On the other hand, the odds of finding another PWN whose nap schedule is the same as mine are pretty slim. And who the heck is going to get all the housecleaning done? Dishes? Cooking? Errands? I don't want to be a burden on anyone, but I can just picture two of us on the couch, silently begging each other to get the energy to go make two bowls of cereal for dinner...

This has been interesting to read through...guess it is something we all take personally. Guess the romantic in me comes out...one disabled, both disabled, none disabled, it is a matter of love and commitment. Those variables are the most significant in my opinion. The biggest challenge I see for 2 PWNs how to make a living. There are PWN who respond very well to medication, use all those coping and are lucky enough to have employment that they can make work. And as for wanting a partner who can bring out the best...well I feel better and have more energy around positive people...so they don't cure my N but they can help me remember to have a sense of humor, encourage me when it really is depression getting n my way...people can support each other in developing good habits together or someone can really bring you down...I guess we are all ultimately saying that it depends on the 2 people...which it always does. I am now going to make a therapeutic list of all the positive things bring to relationships, including friendships. There is more to me then my N symptoms. Everyone repeat after me: There is more to me then my N symptoms!

you have NARC, NARC doesn't have you. i used to end all my entries this way. i don't no why i stopped doing it.

alisha40 , there is no reason for you to apologize . you have your right to your oppion and i do respect that .