Funny people:)

I like it!
More- more!

I am sorry that you aren't feeling too good. That was a terrific request. I believe they helped you as well as many others, including myself. I shared them with my husband.

If anyone else has others (clean, of course), please share them with us
That was such a good idea. Thank you all for helping us.

I have to chekc out that site also. At work, doesn't seem like a good idea.

Laughter is therapy

A young and very naive girl walked into the shoe store. She immediately walked up to a pair of pumps and said, ohhhhh these are cute. How much are they? 950.00 the salesman anwered. What? They are real alligator shoes. He said. I can do better than that. she said. She left the store. Two days later the salesman was driving down the road close to the swampy area. He looked to his right and the same girl was on the side of the road, with a gun. There were two large alligators laying on their backs, dead. He drove to the side just in time to see her go into the water ,point the gun, BOOM! drag it onto the land flip it onto its back. Dang she said, this one isn't wearing any either!!!!

You guys are so funny!

I will just remember what my dad used to say to me when I told him, I am so funny. He would say, yes honey, but just remember that looks arent everything!!!

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the CAT scan, it's now $150."

Excellent Jules.

At the bottom of my screen is a pop-up for Velveeta "Cheesy Skillets" (um...yum). I use this stuff as a substitute for bearing grease on my motorcycles when I run out of the real thing. For whatever reason, the pop-up, as if posessed, came up and treated me to some of the funniest few moments I've had in a long time. Well worth the watch. It really is a hoot. "Liquid Gold," they call it.

Jules made a funny...I like that one.

Gonna get some time and look at the site becca threw up here too.

Thanks everyone for the smiles you bring!

TJ

I went to my grandaughters church today. She was baptized last tues. So they confirmed her. I thought of a cute joke.
There were several young children who were playing in the neighborhood. Johnny ran to his mother and said, "Can I go over to susies house to play Bishop?" "Bishop, the mother thought. How bad could it be?" Time went by and she had not heard from him, so she went to see if he was alright. She heard voices and followed them around to the back yard. There was a group of youngters, they had dug a hole, filled it with water and gathered around it, had the neighbors cat by the neck. One boy held it out in front of him and said, I baptize you In the name of the Father and of the Son, and in the hole ya go."

Missed you guys
I am laughing so hard.
Went to see my son for 1 week and my grandson. I am so happy I am well again. I am so happy I can carry him.
Ann

That is wonderful Anne. I am so happy you are feeling so awesome. Where does your son live. I wish our children would always remmeber how happy we are to see them and that they are happy. It's a pretty powerful emotion. Yay!

I think I'm going to add a bunch to my journal and have them handy so I can pull them out when someone is in the mood. Just have to add this one more for now I guess.

What did one little burp say to the other little burp,
Let's be little stinkers and sneek out the back~~~

I love it, thirteen, good one!