munchausen by proxy victims of Community Group

This is for the survivors of victimization at the hands of caretakers with munchausen by proxy. Those few who have been identified with the condition never have admitted to it. The disordered person inflicts illness or harm onto their child then seeks help. People whose parent or caretakers subjected them to uneccessary medical treatments and/or harmful substances to induce illness that lead to them being seen as mentally or physically ill, are the "proxy."

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Not sure if this group is active... how do I know

I'm 35, almost 36 years old, and I've just recently had a bit of a revelation about my childhood.

I'm actually pretty confident that my mom (who is now a bipolar wreck who I haven't spoken to in almost 4 years and who is not allowed to see my children) was deliberately overdosing me on two of my medications when I was a kid, in order to make me sick and garner attention from my father and my doctors. She LOVED talking to my doctors, to the point that when I got a bit older a few of them would tell her to shut up so that they could interview me rather than her.

I had a whole litany of problems all through grade school that are easily attributed to overdoses of two meds I was on at the time. Pharmacy back then was way more relaxed about pill counts, copays were cheap, they didn't really care how often you filled something especially if it wasn't a narcotic.

Kind of a mindscrew... I mean, I know she's nuts, but I hadn't really considered this before.

I still have memory and concentration problems from all the seizures I had from age 9 until around age 14. I was planning to go to med school and then my academics just took a dive around the same time as the seizures started.

Now I work a very mediocre IT job (decent pay, but nothing exciting or very fulfilling) and struggle to write.

But I can't really know that the overdoses and side effects were deliberate. All I have is a bunch of consequential evidence and childhood memories of hospitalizations and the sudden onset of illness and weird symptoms that all seems to hang in a particular way together. Do most people have more than that..?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

hi yes this is active though the group goes through lulls who'll be able to answer the norm easier than i, but i noticed your message and didn't want to leave you hanging.

In my own experience i had no idea until i started getting flashbacks of things that made me question memories i already did. i'd already shoved her out of my life and stopped her from seeing her grandchildren before i fully became aware that she could have had munchausens. Don't panic if you remember more things (or don't) ... its a bit like finding your puzzlepeices in a badly laid out domino game ... they'll fall when you're ready to remember them. i'm extremely biased but i'd say there was a big possibility that there is by what you've said.
And if it was... we're all kind of dealing with the ways we were sabotaged, i don't think there is anybody on here who's parent which had Munchhausens by proxy had ~only~ that glitch in their system.

The others will be able to help you a lot more than i can, and they are rather vigilant of people posting even during the quiet times.
pix
deleted_user
deleted_user

...and I here I am. Thanks for the intro, Jen!

First, I want to acknowledge how well-spoken pixiehurting was in his/her post about the domino puzzle. That is really the best way to put it, so I bet dollars to donuts you, Muppet77, are not imagining it.

I am epidemiologist who is 42. You are about my age, a little younger. I know what medical records they keep and how they keep them. I understand HIPAA and know how to request these records. As part of the charity we are starting, we want to help people get their records.

If you feel comfortable talking about the types of locations you were in (e.g., urban center, university setting, etc.) at what times of your life, I can tell you what kind of records should exist and how you might go about getting them. A lot of people read this board but do not post. If we have a public discussion about it, people will learn many things from us.

For example, there won't be much in the way of pharmacy records per your point, but back in the 80s they always noted medication orders in the paper medical records. Also, since this was the main record, physicians and nurses wrote all sorts of notes - not like today. This is where interesting info about demeanor and other clues are.

From the 70s and 80s, much of this type of info (70s-80s paper medical records) have been scanned into microfiche but retrievable. That was how they coped with archiving all these hard copy records in the 80s. However, I do remember doing a medical records merging job in the 90s at the Univ of MN, where they still had a warehouse of all the records (since the 1800s), totally unmicrofiched, and a guy from the ER would be sent in to pull old records from time to time.

My non-scientific observation is these moms are deceptive, and although you may be thinking "pharmacy", the real gold may be in inpatient records. You may not have remembered procedures. In the 80s and early 90s, there was still more inpatient than outpatient, so ambulatory surgery at that time would have been done inpatient. Surgical and pathology reports are pretty standardized, meaning they have to fill in certain blanks with something. These people often interact less or not at all with the mom, so they are like "blinded clinicians" in a research study, and often come out with evidence that fits circumstantially.

I actually think it is important you figure out more about these medications you were given because they directly relate to your functional problems now. Further, most of us have some sort of traumatic dissociative disorder, so it's possible some really different memories will come back. A lot of these moms fly into rages but they are so scary we forget until the memories come back - right about now, middle age.

Thank you for your post, and I hope to keep the conversation going with you. In addition to being an epidemiologist, I build databases and so have worked in IT departments. People have to be smart to do that, so I can imagine you being really, really good at assembling your records and putting the pieces together. That's why I encourage you to do it. Please let me know if you have any procedural or other questions. I'm here to help.

Have a good day! - Monika
Group Foundersks
sks

hi Monika, I am the founder and have been seriously ill. improved enough to return to site and want to revive it. I wish and hope some of these posters, like you, will revisit it and see that it isn't inactive....
grandpolly
grandpolly

I believe that occasionally you'll see people popping up in this group. It's likely not inactive but low activity for understandable reasons.
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