some people just doing know how to deal with people who are ill, so they would just rather not.

It is a two way street though. If you don't get in contact with them, they may not get in contact with you. A lot of my friends stopped contacting me because for awhile I refused to speak with anyone while I was coming to terms with what was happening

Friends nothing, my family (mother and sister) walked away from me when I got my diagnosis. Guess they were afraid they might have to help in some way but friends are just SCARED. They are afraid as it could happen to them. If they are true friends it may take time but they will come around. In the meantime make new ones, especially those with MS who can empathize with what you are going through. I have made some awesome friends here - so much so that we have actually met and we are from different parts of the country and we correspond daily and talk on the phone. There are real people out there who are willing to be your real friends. Chin up!

I haven't really "lost" friends due to MS itself, but the side effect of not working has been a hard hit. Alot of the friends I would meet up with for dinners or that kind of thing were people I have worked with in the past or people in the business. I am not on that list much anymore.

I have actually found that I spend more time with older friends, people I have known for years and years...I guess that the fact that the friendships have lasted that long, even through the periods of being busy and living in different cities, having kids, etc, is why they are now the friendships that are easier. Survive anything kind of thing.

As for people "checking" or seeing if I need anything, for me, that is sort of a two-way street...I am not so good at taking people up on those offers, and can even snap sometimes about how I can do things for myself. I have to get better at that. It's just so odd...I don't want to be treated differently because of MS, but then I do not want it to be ignored. I guess in a perfect world other people would be able to know without being told that yes, I want to go out to dinner, but no, I won't be able to drive, and yes, I can take the bus there, but no, I can't take it home so I need a ride, and yes, wherever we go, there has to be at least two stalls in the bathroom, because no, I can't wait.

thank u all for ur replies. now i know its just not me. i have tried to keep in contact with them, though when i call they always say they are busy and never do call back , im so glad i dont hold my breath. xo, kelly

I think Ms shows you who your true friends are....

This possibly has nothing to do with MS. You are 34. You are getting older. "Friends" made at work, while in your 20s, tend to move on... and away. Interests diverge. Other priorities move to the forefront.

I like what reply #4 had to say. He/she is right. I have friends that I haven't spoken to for over 20 years. When we get back in touch it is as though we last spoke 15 minutes earlier.

Knowing nothing of your circumstances/situation, Las Vegas is essentially a "new" place. Many - if not most - people are recent transplants. Their roots are not firmly established. In modern society it is the height of unusual to even know your next door neighbor's name. I guess what I am saying is that welcome to the curse of the modern age. I very seriously doubt what you are experiencing has anything whatsoever to do with MS.

FD

I know what you mean about losing friends when ms kicks in. I was losing a lot of friends I thought at the start, then as one of the others said it takes them time to understand too.
I wrote a poem at the time & gave it to my friends & that explained I am still me. I have actually found that the friends who I was reasonably close to (but not best friends) have actually pulled together & been really good support for me. Every now & then I think that I haven't heard from anyone in a while & then I get a phone call or more, someone email's me or pops in. I have found that some have dropped off as never call me back so let them go, who knows I may here from them later.

Those that keep in contact have mostly been there for me when I need them, I do need to let them know that I need help or contact & then I have to accept it. Some have simply been on the other end of the phone when I need to vent, one in particular has been there when I am in hospital, she has even come to emergency & spoke up to Dr's for me after I text messaged that I was at local hospital.

I have still managed to keep in contact with friends that I have known since primary school (2 of them) even though they live in other states so we don't see each other sometimes for a couple of years or more. Pick up the phone & its like we saw each other the day before.

I know you said that you have phoned them, they are busy & don't call back - frustrating. When you call are you asking them how they are, what they are doing etc or are you immediately telling them about you? Everyone loves to talk about themselves & usually has something to say. I found I had to make sure I always asked the other person about them first then judging on the friendship (how close etc) when asked I would share how I am doing, not always in much details. I have one friend that we have agreed we can each have a b*tch about things for 5 mins then go on & talk about other things too. We usually end up laughing at ourselves too.

Don't give up on all your friends, if they are good friends it is worth working on the friendship & reopening communication lines. They may not call in to check on you, (none of mine do that unless they know I am sick or been in hospital), but it doesn't hurt to give them a quick call, say something like, hi haven't heard from you for a while & just wanted to catch up soon etc.

I know I have rambled a bit, any chronic disease can make it harder to maintain friendships but if you work at it & communicate it is worth it.

This is a poem I wrote & actually gave to a few friends & they understaood what I was getting at. Even if 1 line helps you I am happy to share.

Where are friends when you are hurting?

Lord I am sick of being sick
Feel like beating myself with my stick.
I need to have more tests
When will I get to rest?
Friends try to understand
Still they have their demands.
They ask others about me,
Why dont they let me be?
If they really care
They would be there.
Why dont they make a phone call?
That would be all
It would show they care
And they are there.
Is this too much to ask?
It shouldnt be a task
If they are my friend.
Do I ask too much?
Of the loving bunch
That is my friends
Supposedly to the very end.

Sue Wilson