Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group

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Jen-Knight-Mireles 09/06/2012

To all the wonderful people who sent me your love, support, and advice,
I wanted to send a little update. First off I found out that my best friend was forwarding my texts between us, about my husband (Nick), to him!!! Let me clarify, she forwarded all the negative texts I wrote to him. You know when you are mad and hurt you say things you dont necessarily mean. So I was venting and said "even if Nick gets his crap together, I dont know if he's worth it. In the end I end up with a guy to treated me like crap. Wow, what a catch!". Keep in mind she knows how many texts I have sent saying how much I love my husband and want things to work out. But she fowards the bad text to him and tells him she thought he deserved to know how I truly feel and that she thinks I am just toying with him!!!! So that obviously started a huge arguement between Nick and I and of course his feelings were really hurt. He thought I really felt that way and that I was only saying negative things like that. When I confronted my "friend", she was appologising and saying she was only trying to help and that she loves me and never meant to hurt or betray me. Yet when I asked her how she could think that sharing that text would HELP , she kept talking in circles and never really answered. She knew that I still love Nick and wanted things to work out. There is just no way she could have thought that that was going to help. She totally mislead him into thinking I was done with him and our marriage, yet she text me all night long appologising and swearing she was trying to help. Its weird! It truly broke my heart. I dont have close girlfriends precisely because I have been stabbed in the back like this so many times. I really thought I could trust her and that she was a true friend. So on top of everything that was already happening, now Nick and I were in a huge fight and I just lost my best friend. So I'm sorry if this is long but as you figured out, you guys are my only support. My teenage boys are my only family that supports and loves me. I've never felt so alone until I started getting your responses and messages. Your kindness and support mean so very much to me. We are strangers and you found it in your hearts to take time out of your lives to reach out to me and make me feel not only loved, but part of a community of friends that I can reach out to. So thank you so very much for everything! And on a happier note, Nick and I are doing so much better. He is going to AA, counseling, and anger management every week. We will be starting marriage counseling shortly and God willing, we will find a way to live happily ever after! Xoxo

almairis 09/06/2012

Hi

I'm sorry to hear that person did that to you. You made the mistake of confusing her with a friend. I dont care what she says a friend would NEVER do anything like that unless she likes to cause trouble or is after your man.

I hope he follows thru with seeking help and saves the relationship.

I dont care how many friends I have or how lonely I feel, I won't take her back.

Forgiveness gives us freedom, but allowing someone into our intimacy makes us a slave.

Here you can vent all you want, keep your password a secret and you are free.

Best wishes, alma

deleted_user 09/06/2012

I totally agree with Alma, she was NOT a friend. I hope your hubby can stay on the right track with his meetings. If not, you may have to, in a positive way help him back on track . Good luck to you both.

deleted_user 09/06/2012

Jen why on earth would anyone, let alone a best friend do this? Does she have the hots for your husband and is trying to break you all up? I would get rid of her, she sounds like she is prying on someon who is ill (you) Ellen

juls65 09/06/2012

The saying "who needs enemies, with friends like that" comes to mind, it seems to me that some people use other peoples lives to create drama to entertain themselves. You already have enough to deal with!!

It's good to hear that you have survived this as a couple and are making headway in getting your lives on a positive track.

Jen-Knight-Mireles 09/07/2012

You are all right. She is no friend and I dont think I could ever trust her again so there is no reason to make up with her. Nick and I have been talking about what her motive could have been. I know she loves her husband and I honestly dont think she wants mine. I really think it was jealousy. Her husband has done some really crappy things to her and never really appologised sincerely. He's kind of the tough guy that says "you either forgive me and get over it, or we get a divorce." So I think hearing Nick say how much he loves me and how sorry he is made her jealous that she never got that from her husband. Thats all I can think of. Either way, any one who would betray someone like she did me, probably has other defects of character that I just havent seen yet and surely dont want to. At least I have you guys!!!! Thanks for being here when I need you. I am always here for you all as well!

deleted_user 09/07/2012

OMG! you need a better friend. how awful! how devious! how ...rude!...What kind of self serving nonsense is that??? I mean is she hoping to snag him for herself? is she hoping to secretly take a bite out of you? This is a bad game and has NO winners! I highly suggest that YOU and HIM sit and talk and if you can afford a counselor please do so! NO ONE else should be in your marriage.

YES! we all talk on days that we are in pain, hurt, venting, or need a shoulder, but that person we choose should have some idea about discretion or honor or ethics. OMG! If you are so inclined I would give her exactly ONE chance to apologize to you and she had better come up with a great explanation as to WTH she was thinking! If she cant come up with something, then its time for her to hit the bricks. With friends like that, who needs family?!

I hope you are able to find the love, and support and sisterhood that you seek. Thats a rotten thing to do. Im sorry that happened to you.

Jen-Knight-Mireles 09/07/2012

Dejibo- i agree, this was the most disgusting thing to do to someone who trusted you. Here's the kicker, she and I became such close friends because we had both been screwed over by girls we trusted. We had this kinship and talked about how hard it was for both of us to open up and trust other females. We both were so happy to finally meet a friend who would stick by us through thick and thin, how we would always have eachothers back no matter what. My husband and I are her daughter's God parents!!!! She did realize that she made a huge mistake and she did appologise quite a few times. But here is my issue, unless she admits why she did it, I'm not even interested in hearing a word out of her mouth. Right now she just says she was trying to get Nick and I to talk and thought it would help if he knew what I was saying to her. Common sense would tell you that him knowing what I said was clearly going to hurt not help the situation. Now if she admits she got jealous that Nick was being so sweet and her husband never did that for her, well then I can understand that. Its a normal human reaction to experiance jealousy, its what you do with those feelings that cause a problem. I just dont think she will "man up" and tell the truth. Guess we will see. As for Nick and I, we have our first counseling session on Sept.25th!!!! I feel very good about this!

deleted_user 09/07/2012

congrats on counseling. congrats on learning why her other girl friends wont talk to her. She may have had the right intent, but went about it the complete wrong way. What did she think would happen? He would magically say OMG! I didnt see it! im so sorry and come running home with roses? NO! He was going to be upset, hurt, feel unloved, unwanted and unneeded. Now you both have ground to make up. You must apologize for sharing your details with anyone other than him, and you must tell her that you can forgive (because forgiveness isnt saying its ok that you did that, its saying I cant carry it. and wont torture myself) but it will take you a loooooong time to forget and for now, you are asking for her to give you two 3 things. 1. time. 2. space. 3. privacy. if and when that changes you will call her. I have a habit when folks are in the ready to leave my life position I simply always tell them "im busy." sorry, cant make the park or the party or the event "im busy that day" I am simply never available and therefore never have to engage the person I am avoiding till I am ready, and I feel they can hear me.

Best of luck to you. (((big hugs))

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