Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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Why is it our partners , be it male or female just dont want to understand, or begin understanding when its just a lil to late.
My girlfriend is a lovely woman but hates to think of me as ill, mmmmm I'm a full time vehicle mechanic, I dont often complain about my ms all be it 2nd pro... but when the pain hits home it seems to set her off.
I'm suddenly seeking attention, now after a few years of stress and fall outs she comming round to the fact I have a health issue.
But things have been said, things that dont pass up very easy.
I'm trying so hard to forget what was said and just be thsnkful for having a partner like her, but I had no idea she could be so cold.
Now i'm thinking would it be easier and kinder to find someone with the same mind set as I.
I'm hard working enjoy it to, I believe in a happy home, I never want for anything except love, understanding, and a lil passion toward the relationship.
I always thought you got in to a relationship to feel wanted or needed if you like, and so your able to share most if not all your feelings knowing the person you share them with understands what its all about.
I do understand what my wonderful lady is going through, I often try to reasure her by explaining as much as I can.
But it seems to fall on deaf ears as we go over and over the same things time and time again.
This must sound like I want to much from her and I dont give anything back, but trust me i'm very laid back easy going and somewhat easy to please.
Now I'm getting hungry for that magic word starting with L ending in E
My girlfriend is a lovely woman but hates to think of me as ill, mmmmm I'm a full time vehicle mechanic, I dont often complain about my ms all be it 2nd pro... but when the pain hits home it seems to set her off.
I'm suddenly seeking attention, now after a few years of stress and fall outs she comming round to the fact I have a health issue.
But things have been said, things that dont pass up very easy.
I'm trying so hard to forget what was said and just be thsnkful for having a partner like her, but I had no idea she could be so cold.
Now i'm thinking would it be easier and kinder to find someone with the same mind set as I.
I'm hard working enjoy it to, I believe in a happy home, I never want for anything except love, understanding, and a lil passion toward the relationship.
I always thought you got in to a relationship to feel wanted or needed if you like, and so your able to share most if not all your feelings knowing the person you share them with understands what its all about.
I do understand what my wonderful lady is going through, I often try to reasure her by explaining as much as I can.
But it seems to fall on deaf ears as we go over and over the same things time and time again.
This must sound like I want to much from her and I dont give anything back, but trust me i'm very laid back easy going and somewhat easy to please.
Now I'm getting hungry for that magic word starting with L ending in E
In defense of most of the significant others, this is a tough situation for both partners, and not all of the problems of not understanding are the fault of the person without MS.
Sometimes I think I can see what is happening to my wife better than she can when the disease is acting up, or the stress levels are high. Be careful before blowing off a potentially good relationship. This nasty disease and some of the treatments can cause an emotional roller coaster.
My advice is do not make big decisions if there is any chance this is the low spot on your ride.
He is really a saint, considering how hard he has to work at his job, along with caring for me, so I try to not be hurt or mad at him when he is impatient.
Sometimes I think I would rather be the patient than the caregiver. Think what his life must be--what they give up because they love us.
My way of thinking is you got this shit disease, you didn't ask for it and YOU have got to deal with the fall out - namely be subject to the effects and corrosion of this shit.
There's an expression - if you don't have it, you don't get it - how true that is.
Personally I'm loathe to moan and bring attention to all the shit visited (or it inflicted) on me from this monster and therefore tend to keep my mouth shut. As a result, I'm sure I'm thought of as lazy, selfish, not caring, whatever 'cause I do or don't do certain things..
My other half spent some time screwing around with other women. When I half sarcastically suggested that of course he found other women attractive 'cause they weren't gimps - the darling man agreed with me. Not wanting to 'misconstrue' his reply, I sought further clarification. He gave it to me and said 'well you know, they move and walk normally. Wonderful eh?
So, you're not in this alone my friend. My advice? This is you time and you are not to feel guilty for having your needs. Look after yoursef.
The fact that you can still work makes some people think you're really not that sick.
I worked for years with MS and now I don't know how I did it.
Plus, one day you may be walking around pretty normally, then the next day you're using a cane. Some don't understand the up and down nature of MS, and they may even start believing you're exaggerating.
When I was younger I confused love and lust. My ex wife let her daughter come in and see me at the radio show the other day and everyone in the studio could tell that I was about to start crying....and I did....on the radio....nt very professional.
She will come around just alow her some time. If she leaves you she wasn't worth it in the first place.
i hope it works out for you... but you have to be able to let go of things that were said in the heat of moment... and that is true with any relationship..not just ones that involve someone with MS...sigh...
hugs
heather
Dragonfly
By the way, the new one is thinner, can ski, hike, bike etc. Shallow, not after 23 years....so what is it?
Dragonfly
I hope your experience turns around and becomes positive for you.
Good thing is I'm pretty upbeat about it and know I will cope.
Its like a whole weight has been lifted.
If my husband is feeling off colour he is usually in a foul mood, but of course that is allowed as he is permitted to be a bastard when he does not feel 100%.
Me on the other hand, well God forbid if I am in the least bit short in my manner due to the pain or the fact that my walking is harder some days than others. If I am tired I am NOT ALLOWED TO LET IT EFFECT HIM, but HE IS ALLOWED TO TREAT ME LIKE SHIT if he is feeling off.
I DO NOT whinge or whine. I own this disease and try to make the best of a bad lot.
Trouble is that there is NO EQUALITY IN OUR MARRIAGE and that makes me so angry.
I am at present working out where to go as I am so sick to death of his attitude towards me.
If he refuses to get help or it doesn't work, you should seriously consider other options. And I think you know what that means.
Life is too short to be miserable. I wish you well. Peace and love always
That little "break" was the worst thing we could have done. Just my opinion, but we in fact ran away from the problem rather than try to work it out fix it or move on. After I left, as you read before, he just went on with his life, told me he never had so much fun (since my diagnosis) loved being able to come and go without issues and finally there was another as for her, she knew we were having trouble, knew we were in a bad place, and moved right on in to the situation like a little innocent shoulder to cry on, for him when I was gone......sorry I will forgive him because it takes up way too much space in my heart and mind but I won't ever forget after almost 25 years together, how my heart felt, I never ever felt that my whole life. And she knew me too. Was it him, her, doesn't matter, THEY crossed the line in the sand.....now I am middle aged, with MS, on disability, a real catch don't you think. lol. Whatever, everything happens for a reason.....not? Ok, waiting for the phone to ring, our first grandchild on the way......sigh