Paint,

Sorry but couldn't finish reading your last post due to sobbing of course, will read it later little by little. I have been there twice and feel your pain with every cell of my body. Just remember you hurt as much as you loved her, so consider this horrible guilty feeling being part of loving her and by all means very normal to feel that way.

My thoughts are with you
a big hug from far away

Ya! You guys are right! I should not have said that! I mean, I feel like I did kill my dog, but I so want to make it clear that I loved the vet folks!!! They were great!!! And, I don't want to imply that they did anything wrong! THEY DID NOT! And, probably deep down, I may know at some point that I did the right thing!? It's just that I am hurting sooooo very badly right now!!! MY HEART JUST ACHES SOOOO SOOOO BADLY!!!! I'M ACHING & SOBBING SOOO MUCH!!!!

And, when I got home & got to the door I thought, I better watch out when I open the door because Two Tone is on the other side! And, then, my next thought was: No she's not stupid because you just killed her! And, then I let my other babies out to potty & exercise & then they ran back in & jumped right in their crates to eat! They automatically do that when I come in! They are very excited to get out a few minutes & to potty, etc... but then they run right back in & put themselves up & start barking at me to feed them their super! Or meal! And,then I feed them! So as I was feeding I thought I need to feed Two Tone now! And, then I thought, Stupid!!! SHE'S NOT HERE!!! SHE'S DEAD! YOU JUST KILLED HER! I AM JUST HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME WITH IT!!! And, every minute I think she's here or she's doing this or that or I need to step around her, where she laid, or watch for her to be under my feet, or on & on..... And, then the next second I realize that she's not with me anymore & that she's laying outside dead! Waiting for a proper burial!!! I hope that I can give her one tomorrow!? I'd kill to have some nice stones for her & for my other doggie grave!

I have just got to get her buried before I can go on at all! And, my other dogs, when they went out to potty, they saw & smelled her laying outside the fence in her crate--she's wrapped in a blanket from the vet! They all got terribly upset! And, Paint keeps wanting to go out there & he puts his paw & leg through the fence over & over again trying to reach her & touch her! And, he keeps wanting to go out there with her! He wants to touch her! To wake her up!? To see what's wrong with her!? Whatever! But he is very upset by this! My others are too! But he is the most upset! He can't rest for it!

And, they all flock to where she is when I let them out! I set the crate right outside my fence when I came in tonight! I didn't want to take her out of the crate or to put her very far away because I live up in the woods & something might drag her off!? And, I didn't want to put her inside the fence because I don't want my other desterbing her body! They are upset by it anyway! Mostly maybe because I am!?

Anyway! I am sorry that I included them as though they did something wrong! They did not! And, I am very pleased with how they handled things! Very honorable & stand up! And, I do NOT mean to make them sound bad, just because I FEEL BAD!!!

SO TO THEM I AM VERY SORRY!!!

I'm going to try goig to sleep again now! I am just fall in the floor exhausted!!!

Hi PaintWarrior-

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I just had to put my cat down in December...she had a malignant tumor on her face that was bleeding. It was quite frankly the hardest thing I have ever done and I had some of the same feelings you have. Just know that all animals know when it's time and will always love us for all of the love and affection we gave them! Your doggie is now up in doggie heaven eating all of the treats and chasing all of the kitties she has always wanted to!

I will keep you in my thoughts!

Smiles!

Jamie

Along with everything else, having to deal with this just hurts...when you have time google the "rainbow bridge." i think it will help you deal, and cry about the tremendous loss of your dear friend...many hugs, connie

I'm really sorry to read your post.
I went through the same thing right before Xmas.
I had to have my old cat put down.
She was 18 years old and when I got her, I had not received the DX of multiple sclerosis and both of my parents were still alive.
With the passing of a dear friend, much goes with it.
You did the right thing and so did I.
You need to realize that your beloved dog was your best friend and you did what anyone would/should do.
Take care of yourself!!

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this,a couple of years ago now I had to put down a black labx of mine he had such bad arthritus it hurt him to walk, I truly know how hard this will be for you, my thoughts are with you....She will be,pain free and happy now ....really
Hugs

I want to thank everyone again for their support through this very difficult & trying time! And, I ALSO WANT TO SAY TO ALL OF YOU THAT I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSES AS WELL!!! I HAVE READ ABOUT YOUR LOSES HERE & I FEEL GREAT SORROW & COMPASSION FOR ALL YOU WHO HAVE EXPERINCED THIS KIND OF LOSS!

OUR PETS ARE OUR BEST FRIENDS!!! ESP.... AS DISABLED FOLKS HERE! When you have MS or any number of diseases or illnesses out there PEOPLE turn their backs on you!!! They walk away & pretend that you never existed! If your less than perfect in any way people critisize you! Ride your case! Put you down! Tell you how bad this or that is, how you doing this wrong or doing that wrong, how YOU need to change! NEVER THEM OF COURSE!!!

And, if you got anything like CP, MS, MD, PCS, TBI or anything like any of that, be it Alzheimers, Huntinton, Parkinsons, you name it people just distance themselves from you! Act like your freaking stupid, or mentally ill, or mentally retarded, or like their going to catch whatever it is!? Like you suddenly got the plague or something horrible!

But your dogs, your cats, guinea pigs, ferrets, birds, rabbits, horse, goat, whatever your pet or animal of choice is--they don't see that or think that! They only see what's in your heart & your soul! And, they love you unconditionally! So, of course, you love them back that way! And, well!? It hurts like hell when you lose that kind of friend! Cause that kind of friend is irraplaceable!

Well! I finally got my dog/girl burried this after noon! I had to drive around, from neighbor to neighbor to try to find somebody to help me! And, finally this lady volunteered her teenage son! HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE THRILLED THAT HIS MOTHER VOLUNTEERED HIM!!! lol :)

I was just glad to get any help!? She followed me to the house & set in her van while she made him get out & help! Well! He didn't want to do it, so he pretty much didn't!!! After going through all of that I pretty much had to do most of it, while he mmostly watched me! Mostly just leaned on the shovel--& he had my good one! And, then, he was slower than smoke off of dog poop!!! I could work 10 times faster, middle aged & with MS, bad spine & arthritis, you name it! Granny in a wheel chair could have worked faster!!! LOL :)

And, then I had to get him to help me carry the crate down there, with her body in it! Well then I had to get her out! By this time she was stiff as a board! And, a LOT heavyier!!! And, so I asked this boy to help me take her out or to get her out! I said; Honey can you help me lift her & get her out & put her into the hole because I can't lift her or get her out of there by myself! And, he said; NO! I DON'T KNOW!? LAZY LAZY LAZY!!!! BOY JUST IRRITATED THE HELL OUT OF ME MORE THAN HE HELPED!

I HAD TO STAND IN THE HOLE & DRAG HER OUT INTO THE HOLE MYSELF & COVER HER UP MYSELF!!! WELL! HELL!!! IF I WAS GOING TO DO IT ALL BY MYSELF I COULD HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT THE AUDIANCE!!! GOOD LORD ALREADY!!!!

WELL! THE TERRIBLE DEED IS DONE! AND, I FOR ONE, AM GLAD IT'S DONE! I can rest a lot better now/tonight knowing that she is in her final resting place!!!

And, then I had to do clean up! Had to hose & clean off 2 shovels, & a hoe! And, had to clean my boots & hose them off! And, then I had to clean & disinfect the crate! Then, do laundry! Wash all my clothes, & blankets, towels, etc.. & then bleach the floors! Got all that done now & now I got to go fix super!

Tomorrow at 1 I got to go have a bad jaw tooth pulled & then Friday I got to drive two counties up again & go to see my RA again! Bad socket & all!!! And, by the time I spend all day getting ready, going up there, & then driving back, etc... That will take up my entire day Friday! So I'm shot!!! By the weekend I will be dropping dead myself! I'm going to lay around all weakend & rest! If I'm still alive to do it!

ALL THIS STRESS HAS TOOK IT'S TOLE!!! And, I got more stress coming tomorrow & the next day! Having to do all that digging & burrying today took it's tole on my body & my mind!!!

The stress of this terrible resp..infection, almost walking pneumonia, & then yesterday & all those hours of driving, & then sitting at the vet & then holding my dog & waiting for her to pass; & then that long drive home!!! And, then being hit last night right her at my driveway & almost killed!? And, then, my tooth tomorrow & then another day of hours of driving & waiting....... IT'S JUST MORE THAN A PERSON WITH MS PROBLEMS CAN BARE!!! ESP... ALONE!!!!

I JUST FEEL SOOO WORN OUT, & STRESSED, & DEPRESSED!!! AND, ALONE!

WERE IT NOT FOR YOU GUYS I DON'T THINK I'D GET THROUGH THIS AT ALL!!! Not w/o dying myself! May yet!?

THANKS SOOOOOOO MUCH GUYS!!! YOU GUYS ARE A FEW IN A MILLION!!! :)

I know you're tired and ready for a rest now, but you know what? You are so STRONG! You are stronger than you thought you were. You did what needed to be done and that is something to be so thankful for and proud of!
I pray you'll have a good rest now. I know you're going to be okay, because even with your MS, I can see that your determination will get you through. So funny that you're stronger and tougher than a teenage boy! lol.

Hi again Darlene,

You might consider doing what I did and that is order a headstone for your beloved dog.
I got one for my old cat that is now gone and it helps to put closure on this issue in a nice way.
I'd recommend this site for one (reasonable price and free shipping):
http://oldworldstones.com/
I'd used them before when my mom's dog died. My cat is buried next to the dog.
I don't know if you can afford a headstone right now or not, but you might keep it in mind for later when you have a few $ for this sort of thing.
I'm glad you are coming to grips with this and that friend's son sounds like a lazy kid. I'm sure he'll wake up soon enough!

What I might try to think about if I were you is this...
She is very lucky to be loved as much as you love her.
If you need to have her "put down", she will be lucky to escape her pain,. tend to feel that we should be able to do this for peolple who are suffering with terminal illness, like they do in Europe).

Think about her release of pain, going towards this "white light" on the other side & imagine re-uniting with her when you get there,

You can always be with her in spirit,
take care of yourself through this, sounds like one awfull day.