I feel like that ALL the time. In fact, I wish I never had to wake up most of the time bc I don't have MS in my dreams, but then. . .BAM, as soon as I wake up I can feel the "needles" in my left foot & the itchy, bugs crawling around feeling next to my belly button & I remember immediately that I have this demon disease from hell! Then I try to get up & have to psyche myself up mentally & physically to just walk to the bathroom b4 I pee on myself.

Sleep is SOOOOO wonderful! I take two Klonapin about 1/2 hour before bed and that lets me sleep for about 6 hours. Then I wake up to pee - sound familiar? - but I'm usually able to go back to sleep.

The more sleep I get, the less time I'm awake, so the day is shorter. I feel the pain/boredom/loneliness that you feel during the day.

I know how you feel, last week all I could do was sleep and this week I felt good and did'nt feel like I needed the sleep and after a 3 day steroid treatment I felt good. Today I woke to have the sleeping feeling again it is all Fatigue I think, I've slept 18 of the last 24 hours with naps in between. When I'm like this I would rather sleep it away instead of being awake and miserable with this nasty disease. I hope everyone starts to feel a bit better soon. I just wonder if I will be able to sleep tonight because of all the sleep I already had today

I want sleep too, without having to take medications to got to sleep and then stay asleep. It's such a vicious cycle. Hang in there!

Rican, you sound depressed. Now that you are collecting SSDI, you are home alone all day, with nothing to occupy your time. You need to find something to fill that void in you life. I'm not sure what it is, but if you can find something of your interest, and go for it, it will do you a world of good.

Sleep is an escape for me too, an escape to all the MS symptoms I go through daily. I get that. But something has to be added to your life to enrich it. Try different things that you like and see how it goes. You have to make yourself get up and go more during the day. Walk your dog more often - short trips throughout the day. Don't walk so far when you take him for a walk. I know you enjoy walking from your previous posts, but you seem to always go so far that your walks can become intimidating and a struggle for you. Don't look to your bf to help fill your days. Find something Rican is interested in doing and go after it. Try new things. Even crocheting or knitting! Something to occupy your time and give you a sense of accomplishment. You can do this.

Finally, if you are not on anti-depressants, try talking to you doctor about your feelings while you are awake. pain/boredom/anxiety/lonliness/anger are strong emotions and you could alleviate some of these feelings with a little help from an anti-depressant. If you are already on an anti-depressant, try talking to the doctor again because it aint working! I know you probably don't want to hear about another medication being added to your daily intake, but this one is worth it.

I'll be thinking of you. Message me if you ever want to talk.

Hi...........I think lchoppel has some great advice for you, I agree with all of her thoughts and suggestions!

Also, I wanted to mention that my daughter was having some significant sleep problems that started in her teens. Just walking up stairs made her tired, too. I thought maybe she would have MS like me. We always complained to her doctor, and he decided to have her ferritin(Iron) levels checked. Bingo! She was not anemic, but her iron levels were well below most people. Her insomnia changed almost overnight when she began iron supplementation under doctor supervision. She also improved in mood and energy levels. I didn't realize how low iron could affect so many things. It is a simple blood test that checks Ferritin/iron levels. Other members on her dad's side had similar issues. The doctor also had her thyroid checked.

Also..............When I was first diagnosed with Ms, I was very sick and very depressed about being sick. As I adjusted to new medications for the MS, one side affect I had to the medication was severe insomnia. I really appreciated having a pet to spend the time with. In my case, I had a dog that kept me company during these tough times. When she moved on, I noticed how much she had helped my outlook and the need to stay active. So, I decided to get another pet. This time I got a puppy. She keeps me laughing(even when I don't want to) and moving. Puppies require work and supervision like a baby, so some people prefer a slightly older pet, but I realized how much I needed a pet to hug and spend time with and a puppy was just right for me. Please check with your doctor, I will say a prayer for you.

Lorie

I relate 100% and thanks for the pee joke LOL that's me ALOT

Rica, first of all please let me say that your new pic is absolutely beautiful.

Lynne is so right about finding something you enjoy doing no matter what it is as long as it's for RICA.

I have been having the same feelings lately and I know the lack of sleep is much to blame along with the stress we all are going through trying to get a dx for this monster that has so viciously taken over our lives.

I told my husband two weeks ago, that I would never hurt myself, but I sure didn't want to be here anymore. I felt so worthless, and ugly, and like just this BLOB that was taking up space. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was at a loss as to what to do for me. That made me feel terrible that I had put even more stress on him and made him feel hopless too.

Then my daughter called to remind me of my grandbabies "Grandparent Lucheon" at her school that I had said I would attend. It was the last thing I wanted to do because of the difficulty walking and knowing I was going to have to endure the stares and looks of pity in others eyes as they watched me try to walk.

I went though, and I got alot of stares, alot of "Awwwwes" enough to make me want to run (if I could have) and hide. Then something happen that changed the whole picture for me.

My grandaughter "Ariel" came over and said, "Maw Maw", Derek doesn't have a grandma to eat lunch with, can he please eat lunch with us? When I saw the relief in this little first grader's eye's when I said "Yes" I almost started to cry, and you know what my first words were? "Awwwwwe", it's ok, you stay with us for the whole time if you want. He never left my side, and everytime I looked at him his smile was huge.

The best part of it all was when we all met out on the playground after lunch and he ran up and gave my grandaughter the biggest hug and told her thanks for sharing her Maw Maw.

I knew then, that if I had gotten my wish not to be here anymore, we all, "Ariel, Derek, and I would have missed out on the best feeling in the world, Being there for someone and putting alittle sunshine in their day.

His smile has gotten me through alot of pain, and lots of sleepless nights lately and I'm so grateful to him for that.

It may be a small thing to alot of people but when you are down sooo low and feel so worthless, It means the world.

Hang in there cutie
Kath

I used to feel worthless I could not cook or look after the house
my Hubby had heart sugery and I could not help him.
There was not much I could do I did not sleep for days at a time being in pain and so on then I would be soo tired I would pass out and sleep for hrs
I stopped seeing friends and if they did come over I hid in my bedroom I stopped getting dressed b./c it was easier not to.

I got a new power chair and started to walk my dog he loved it and it over time helped me talking to the other pet owners around my place
I found it helped me to help others
some days that was on an answer site
now I volenteer
some days that is just on the phone

some days I take a me day
talking to friends and listening to their lives
I crochet and donate it. they sell it and raise money where I volenteer
they know that I can only do what I can do
and there are times when I can not do anything

I also started a list
at the end of each day I write down 3 things I done good that day and some days it is I fed myself or took my meds when I did not want to
I also have another list of things I like about myself and some days I have to ask a friend what they like about me

also when I have a good day I write it down all of the small victories so when I am having a bad day and I do reading them helps me to remember that I do have good days

it sounds cheesy but it has helped me (well most days)
I am having more goood days than bad
if you ever need to chat I am here